It's Complicated Counselling

02/05/2026

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01/28/2026

Let’s Overthink This Song
— because your nervous system already did

THERAPY THROUGH SONG: 🎵 Creep
(Please enjoy song with me)
https://youtu.be/SLbSsv_2u4A

This song found me during a season of complicated grief — the kind that doesn’t fit neatly into one loss. It was layered. Existential. The kind where you start questioning not just what you lost, but who you are in the aftermath.

The line that kept grabbing me wasn’t poetic or pretty.
It was blunt. Almost desperate.
A version of: What am I even doing here? Why do I feel so out of place?

And then there’s that contrast in the song — the sense that everyone else seems light, effortless, already whole. Floating through a world that feels beautiful and intact… while you’re standing there feeling awkward, unfinished, and deeply aware of your own cracks.

At the time, I didn’t experience that as self-hatred.
It felt more like grief mixed with comparison — the belief that others were further along, more healed, more complete. And that somehow I’d missed the memo on how to belong.

Looking back, I can see how regulating it was just to name that experience honestly. Music gave me permission to say what I couldn’t yet make sense of:
I’m hurting. I’m different right now. And I don’t know where I fit.

That kind of honesty matters — in grief, in identity shifts, and in existential moments when the ground feels unstable.

💛 As you listen:
Notice which lyrics resonate with you. Sit with them for a moment.
What might they be pointing to?
What feelings are tied to them — and where do you notice that in your body?

It’s complicated.
And you don’t have to untangle it alone.

— It’s Complicated Counselling

Would love to hear your own experience when listening to this or other songs

01/28/2026

Let’s Overthink This Song
— because your nervous system already did ;)
THERAPY THROUGH SONGS

What I hope this series offers is recognition.

Not solutions. Not answers.
But that moment of “oh… it’s not just me.”

So many of the emotions people carry — longing, grief, confusion, yearning, despair, hope — live beneath language. Trauma especially doesn’t announce itself in neat sentences. It settles in the body, in the nervous system, in the places where words don’t always reach.

Music has a way of going there.

It gives voice to what feels unspeakable.
It speaks directly to the parts of us shaped by experience rather than logic — the felt sense, the heart, the places where loss and love and fear live side by side.

These songs mattered to me because they helped me feel less alone inside intense inner worlds. They gave shape to things I couldn’t yet name. And in many ways, they helped me survive, regulate, and slowly make meaning. (SONGS LIKE : Sound of Silence, Creep, Trustful, Anthem and others...)

This series is an invitation for my clients — and anyone who stumbles across it — to notice where a song meets them. To recognize themselves in the process. To feel less isolated in emotions that can otherwise feel overwhelming or strange.

Because when something resonates, when a lyric lands, when a song brings tears or relief or release — that’s not weakness.
That’s your nervous system responding.
That’s the part of you that learned through experience, not explanation.

And there is something deeply cathartic — even healing — about being met there.

It’s complicated.
And you don’t have to untangle it alone.

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ANY ONGS THAT FELT HEALING TO YOU IN YOUR JOURNEY :)

01/22/2026

I spent years being frustrated with people. Friends who flaked. Family who didn't get it. Colleagues who didn't follow through.

Then I realized the common denominator was me. Not because I was the problem—but because I was the one keeping score on a game nobody else knew they were playing.

The expectations were mine. I made them up. Then I got mad when people didn't meet standards they never agreed to.

Dropping expectations isn't giving up on people. It's just stopping the habit of pre-writing how everyone should behave and then resenting reality when it doesn't match.

The happiest people I know still have standards for themselves. They just stopped requiring everyone else to perform a certain way for them to be okay.

That's the shift. Your peace can't depend on things you can't control. And you can't control anyone but yourself.

—

I write a weekly newsletter where I unpack these ideas.

→ newsletter.scottdclary.com

01/22/2026

I love walking with clients through deeply unsettling transitions — moments that shake our sense of identity, faith, and purpose. Together, we explore these spaces using the tools that resonate most: your passions, your creativity, your spirituality.

Sometimes that means journaling. Sometimes it means drawing, painting, or creating. Sometimes it means crafting a poem that reflects your heart and your journey — just like I do. I’ve used poetry and imagery to process my own seasons of pain and confusion, and it’s amazing how the creative process can give shape to what feels messy, heavy, or unnamable.

In our sessions, your story guides the work. We honor where you are, explore what’s stirring beneath the surface, and use the things that give your life depth — music, art, spirituality, personal passions — to make meaning out of transitions.

It’s not always neat or tidy. It’s sometimes raw, sometimes tender, and sometimes profoundly clarifying. But it’s yours, and walking through it together can be both grounding and transformative.

Here's my poem:

"Beloved,

Draw near to me.
I would speak of You
not in arguments,
but in longing.

You found me
before I knew how to name desire.
You pursued me
through seasons of ache and unraveling,
and You did not turn away
when I was dust and questions.

Let Him kiss me
with the kisses of His mouth—
for Your words
are sweeter than wine.
You spoke to places
no one else could reach,
and my soul knew
it was You.

I searched for You in the dark,
upon my bed,
when Your presence felt hidden.
Yet even then
You whispered,
“I am here,”
and the night learned to hold me.

You were my King,
yet gentle.
My God,
yet close enough to breathe on my face.
You held me
when hands could not.
You comforted me
when comfort had no language.

You taught me
that love wounds and heals.
That Your people are both balm and blade.
That I could love the bride
without mistaking her humanity
for Your heart.

You showed me myself—
frail, unfinished,
aching for mercy.
And You did not despise my weakness;
You became my Savior.

I love You.
I love being held by You
without explanation.
I love the way You draw near
without demand.

Come, Beloved.
Teach me Your ways.
Lead me through the garden of my becoming.
Move through me.
Love through me.

Set Your will within me
like a seal upon my heart.
Let Your kingdom come—
here,
in this earthen vessel of longing—
as it already is
in heaven."

-Ezna

01/06/2026

“How the world suddenly feels wrong and unfamiliar “

Grief is one of those things that cannot be understood from the outside. Until it is your turn, people just do not know. They do not know how it changes everything, how the world suddenly feels wrong and unfamiliar, how you are still standing in the same place but living in a completely different reality. That is not a failure on their part. It is just the truth.
That is why people say the wrong things, or say nothing at all. They are not standing where you are standing. They do not know how much it matters to hear your person’s name. They do not know how heavy it is to keep hearing, “Let me know if you need anything,” when you barely know how to get through the day. They do not understand how lonely grief can feel, even when people are nearby.
It is unfair that grievers often end up carrying another burden, teaching others how to show up. It feels like too much. Another task piled onto a life that already feels unmanageable. But this is how it often goes. We learn what helps and what hurts, and sometimes we are the ones who have to say it out loud.
If someone does not know what to say, it is not always because they do not care. Often, they just do not know. And if you have the energy, you can tell them. You can say what helps and what does not. You did not ask to be the teacher. But your voice might be the thing that helps someone meet you with a little more care. And you are not alone in this.

12/21/2025

🙏🏻🫂

No rule book.
No time frame.
No judgement.

Grief is as individual as a fingerprint.

Do what is right for your soul.

Michelle ❤️

12/18/2025

Embracing Transformation the Client-Centered Way

At It’s Complicated Counselling, we like to keep it real and centered on you. Transformation here isn’t something I hand you like a diploma. It’s something we discover together, and you get to say, “Yep, I’m ready for that.”

Think of it like this: you’re in the driver’s seat, and I’m here riding shotgun, holding a safe space while you find those hidden parts of yourself. Sometimes that means gently realizing, “Oh, I was totally in denial about that feeling!” And that’s okay—because once you see it, you can nod to it, consent to it, and let the transformation flow naturally.

In other words, this isn’t about me doing something to you; it’s about you uncovering your own path and saying, “I’m ready for this.” We’ll laugh, we’ll keep it real, and we’ll celebrate every step of that journey together.

Life’s messy, and we get it. We’re here to listen and help, no matter where you’re at. Therapy that’s all about you.

11/29/2025

So true

1. Your Nervous System Was Built in Childhood

Before you had language, your body was already learning:
“Is love safe?”
“Is comfort available?”
“Is the world predictable… or dangerous?”

If you grew up around chaos, shouting, silent treatment, neglect, or emotional distance, your nervous system wired itself for survival, not safety. That wiring doesn’t disappear, it follows you.

🔹 2. Your Attachment Blueprint Was Formed Before Age 12

Whether you chase love… avoid love… fear love… or struggle to keep it, you learned that from the emotional climate you grew up in.

Your adult relationships aren’t random.
They mirror the love you were taught to accept.

🔹 3. Childhood Wounds Hide Inside Adult Behaviors

You think it’s “just anxiety.”
You think it’s “just insecurities.”
You think it’s “just a type.”
But psychology calls them:
Unmet needs. Emotional neglect. Attachment wounds. Nervous system memory.

Adults don’t randomly:
• overthink
• shut down
• chase emotionally unavailable people
• fear abandonment
• struggle with boundaries
• over-apologize
• numb feelings
• feel unworthy

These are childhood defense mechanisms showing up in adult form.

4. Trauma Isn’t Only What Happened, It’s What Was Missing

Most people say “I wasn’t abused.”
But emotional neglect, lack of affection, lack of protection, and lack of validation shape you just as deeply.

A child who never felt “held” grows into an adult who never feels “safe.”

5. Childhood Becomes Adulthood When Left Unhealed

Your childhood becomes your:
• triggers
• fears
• attachment style
• coping mechanisms
• relationship patterns
• self-worth
• emotional reactions

Not because you’re broken but because the child in you never got what they needed.

✨ The Truth

No, not everything goes back to childhood but the most painful patterns often do.

Because the body keeps score. The brain remembers. And the emotional wounds you weren’t allowed to talk about…show up as the behaviors you can’t explain today.

You’re not dramatic.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not damaged.

You’re carrying a story no one helped you process.

If this felt uncomfortably accurate, it’s because your inner child is asking to be seen.

✨ I Didn’t Choose to Be Born — for childhood trauma, emotional neglect & inner child healing.

✨ Chasing Love That Hurts — for breaking patterns that come from unmet childhood needs.

Choose the one you need today here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery 💛

11/29/2025

.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e

11/29/2025

You’re allowed to hold many truths at once. You can mourn what didn’t work out, appreciate the strength you gained, look forward to what’s ahead, and still feel overwhelmed by all of it. That’s not confusion, that’s complexity, that’s growth, that’s being beautifully human. Give yourself permission to feel it all without judgment. Your heart knows how to hold more than one emotion at a time.