Silver Lining Psychotherapy

04/17/2025

01/20/2024

08/13/2023

Silver Lining is now on Instagram

06/19/2022

This client of mine was bent upon to give her partner taste of his medicine after being gaslighted by him and cheated by him. I knew about his diagnosis and wanted to reconstruct her thoughts around it. I told her I´m afraid she can´t stop him. Once a cheater , always a cheater . What he does now will continue, and will get worse as he ages and gets bitter about that. She could certainly give him a taste of his own medicine. He is arrogant and very vain, so it was very easy to puncture his ego by attacking his hairline, intelligence, posture and driving- the things he was most sensitive about. But will it change anything? Not at all. Will it make my client feel better? Temporarily. Doing that might make her win many little battles- but she will lose the war. It was after couple of sessions that she realized the atmosphere was toxic and he won’t change. She began to hate him and the time she spent with him. I don’t make decisions on behalf of clients. I inform them about consequences of their decisions and pros and cons. So she decided to leave, and according to her that was her best decision ever. She gave up trying to improve him, and decided to give up instead. As part of her healing and recovery I informed her about his diagnosis, and it all fell into place for the client - the lovebombing which had turned into devalue, the various discards, the tearful returns, the constant drama, the fighting- all explained. What a relief!
And then she recovered, as others will if they leave and find out about what personality they have. If she had stayed her life will be wasted on someone who didn’t love her. The patterns were the same for years.
Sure, you will win some battles if you become like him and use his tactics- but to what end? More misery? Two people being unhappy instead of one? No, better to escape, and make a new life, free of torment.

For a professional couple counselor, email at dilnawaz@silverliningpsychotherapy.ca

06/18/2022

Do’s and Don’ts of Unhealthy & Controlling Relationships

1 Be aware that you are dealing with an emotional parasite - your life will always be on a roller coaster. Stay calm and don’t upset him/her too much. You may be faced with violence. Name calling is guaranteed.
2 This character is obsessed with control. Remain financially independent and save because otherwise there may never be an exit from hell for you.
3 Outbursts in public. Learn how to handle with care. You are about to hear many ugly things in front of your friends.
4 If you are a bit unlucky, tolerate cheating. This character is entitled to everything and is always right. If he/she is lacking sexual activity at home, they are entitled to it from anywhere they wish.
5 Lies, lies and lies. Don’t believe a thing. Everything they say is because they want you to believe this is the truth.
6 Selfishness galore. Live with it. This is a super character - your choice - so put up with it.
7 Whenever they say that they are truly sorry, don’t believe a thing. Within a short time, the same thing will happen.
8 Be careful of neighbors. He/she may be twisting a different version of who you are to others. Glaring and staring should be part of your daily life. Because you are the nasty one.
9 Life is all about image, image and image. So get used to a fake life.
10 You are an unfit parent and capable of doing nothing. He/she is your opposite. They excel at everything. Receive the criticism because your partner says you deserve all you get.
11 Become aware that your partner will try to isolate you from everyone. Your family is worthless. This is your comfort zone. Never give in to the incessant demands of your partner.
12 Everything is your fault and please do not try to disagree because real fact is that he/she is always right. If there is no sunrise tomorrow, accept the blame.
13 Make sure he/she is your idol, your hero/heroine, your king/queen, your baby - basically your everything. This is what is expected of you. No one can ever come before him/her - under no circumstances.
14 Forget about sorting out your problems in a civilized way. This just does not happen. Silent treatment lasting weeks and months will become part of your relationship. Don’t even try to communicate. Your partner will decide that as convenient to him/her.

Is this the kind of relationship you dreamed for?

For couple counseling by psychotherapist, trained for Gottman model, email at
dilnawaz@silverliningpsychotherapy.ca

04/14/2022

The saddest truth about some of the relationships that I work with is that you were with someone who had everything they ever truly wanted right next to them but didn’t realize. They had a gem and a treasure in you. They had someone who would listen to them empathetic, admired them, pampered them, encouraged them, loved them and worshipped the ground they walked on. But because of their inability to see the worth, they sabotaged it. They failed to recognize the love and sacrifice when these were staring them right in the face. Instead they saw an opponent in you and they attacked the ones that were most loyal and devoted to them. As a result you were severely punished for loving them.
They destroy everything good in their lives over and over again and yet play the victim role complaining the world is cold and unfair after being offered the most precious gifts that they could never appreciate. In such cases both partners suffer - the one failing to realize and the one who loved truly. That’s sad. The number of such couples is increasing.
For couple counselling please contact at dilnawaz@silverliningpsychotherapy.ca

03/30/2022

Preserve your mental energy. Sometimes peace of mind is better than proving your point.

03/12/2022

The ability to be happy with who you are, where you are, and what you have is a power that those who are never satisfied may want to emulate.

03/02/2022

Sexual abuse in childhood has much more long lasting and adverse effects than reported. The impacts can carry over into adulthood. I have seen clients at an advanced age reporting how their adult life, relationships, and perception about world - everything was impacted by assault they went through in childhood.
Besides sexual abuse, another issue that makes it even worse is ‘hush’ attitude around the topic. Children need to report it to adult caregivers and mostly they don’t because of certain attitudes of adults around the issue. As a result, the children are not helped and they are not taken to any professional to seek help. They bottle up the emotions and fail to process the trauma they have gone through thus resulting into PTSD, depression, psychological distress and inappropriate sexual behaviours.
Please be vigilant about the young children and never discourage them to speak about these issues. Listen what they want to share.