Gillian Reid, MSW RHN

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Gillian Reid, MSW RHN

Hi, I'm Gillian. Founder of Gently Raised, creator of the Calm Mom Method - A 10 Week Mindful Way Th

18/12/2023

Friendly PSA to parents:

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts with babies and small children crying on Santa’s lap. I realize it looks kind of cute and funny but it’s not and here’s why.

Your child feels unsafe with this stranger. They are literally going into fight or flight. They are confused as to why the person who generally keeps them safe has placed them in the arms of a stranger. They can’t get away. They try, and we stand there and tell them to wait. It’s confusing and scary.

From a body autonomy perspective, we are sending them the message that they don’t have ownership over their own body. We are telling them that it’s okay to have body contact with a strange man. And it’s safe for the strange man to touch them, and hold them on his lap. We expect them to be able to distinguish this experience with “Santa” (which they generally realize is just a man with a fake beard), from a different situation where a stranger is allowed to touch them or tell them what to do.

If you really want the kids-with-Santa photo memories, it’s okay if you just change up a few things:

🎅🏼 Be in the picture with your kids. Safety for children starts with proximity and closeness to parents.

🎅🏼 Explain why we do this, and give them the power to say no.

🎅🏼 Know that many children will not say no because they’re worried about saying that to an adult so if you see that they are unhappy or uncomfortable, say no and stop it for them. Be their advocate and demonstrate their right to body comfort.

🎅🏼 offer for them to stand beside Santa not sit on his lap

🎅🏼 Stop it the second you see discomfort.

AND, if you’re thinking omg, this happened. It’s okay. We are all just learning and can do something different next year. ♥️

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating this year! 🎄🎄🎄🎄

17/03/2023

Why learning from social media, or even a book is not enough.

03/02/2023

I’ve been working hard to offer something new for mothers but it’s a surprise! Stay tuned for more details. 🤎

20/01/2023

So many reasons to GET OFF THE GOOGLE!!!

I know, I know. It’s super easy and sometimes helpful to have answers at your fingertips.

But as a therapist who works with women on reproductive and maternal mental health issues, I find it does more harm than good. Here’s why:

➡️ It adds complication to situations that have often have clear answers if asked to the right person (Ask your REI or GP a question that they will have the answer to, not google)
➡️ It causes more stress when the answer isn’t what we want or isn’t good. Or when there are multiple options and you don’t know which to apply to your situation.
➡️ It can be directly harmful if you take an action or don’t take an action based on what you read.
➡️ It can even perpetuate anxiety! One of the interventions I often have to use is actual rules and boundaries for google use because it starts to contribute to a negative feedback loop in the brain. It makes you feel like you’re doing something helpful, so you want to do it more. It’s additive and starts to make your brain think you’re doing something wrong / not doing enough unless you’re consuming information from the internet. It literally starts to mess with our brain wiring.
➡️ False sense of progress: So many times I see mothers and parents googling articles, and finding resources off the internet in order to help with something. But many times, consuming more information isn’t what you need. You don’t need more conflicting parenting advice or another self-help book. You probably need a more systematic, supported intervention.

Google is a helpful tool in the parenting toolbox but it needs to be used mindfully. So the next time you feel like opening it, ask yourself if you really need to, or if it might be better just to keep your mind clear, or ask someone who knows.

.ly

07/01/2023

Never in the history of ever, has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down (have you heard that one?). The same goes for all of the cheerleading “you can do it!”, problem-solving “here, let me show you this way to do it”, rationalizing “just listen to my point” and all the other things we say as parents when our children are expressing a feeling. Next time, try putting all of those words aside (seriously, stop talking), and instead just hang out with them and their big feelings without trying to change or fix things. You’ll be amazed at how doing less, is so much more. 😊

15/11/2022

We forget that it took us years — decades — to know what we know and have words to express it. We speak a different language than our children. It’s our job not just to teach them academically, but to also teach them emotionally. We do this by talking to their emotional brain, and their nervous system, often without words but just with simple, calm presence. 🌻 Two more emotion-focused parenting workshops before the end of 2022. DM me for details, may be eligible for insurance coverage in Ontario. 💕

05/10/2022

Guilt. The one emotion most mothers carry no matter how amazing we are.

One of the first things I talk to Moms about is how essential it is to ask for help. We were never meant to mother in isolation. We were designed to have aunties and grandmas and neighbours and other mamas all in the same room helping each other. Someone would cook while you got some sleep.

You never did it all. Until now.

Every person I’ve ever met wants to help but they don’t know what the Mom needs and don’t want to interfere (this is another weird societal thing). So you have to ask.

Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel like a failure. Ask and accept help as if it’s owed to you because it ought to have been there in the first place.

Try to the guilt go so it doesn’t rob you of the joy that you deserve.

📷

27/09/2022

Society’s understanding of mental health issues locates the problem inside the person - and ignores the politics of their distress, says psychologist Sanah Ahsan

08/08/2022

There’s another way to get through to your children when reasoning, negotiating, yelling and disciplining doesn’t work. It speaks louder than words.

04/07/2022

“Looking for someone to help my child with their emotion regulation” is the #1 counselling request I see in parenting groups, and the #1 request in both the children’s mental health private clinic I consult for, and in the children’s mental health community agency I work for during the week, supervising a team of therapists. // My answer each and every time is NOT YET. There will never be a time where I agree to work with a child on regulating their emotions if the parent(s) haven’t done their work first. // Here’s the thing ➡️ Emotion Regulation is a learned skill. Children are NOT born with the ability, nor do they develop it by themselves. If they can’t do it, they need help from an adult. I repeat ➡️ A child who can’t regulate their emotions needs help. So your child is not at fault for having big emotions that they find difficult to control. They literally do not have the brain structure to do it. And it’s not their job to fix it on their own. // If you want your child to have fewer tantrums, or to curb difficult behaviour like biting, hitting, saying mean things or even big-kid scary behaviours like self-harm…. It has to start with YOU, the parent. No matter the age of the child, your interaction with them matters and it WILL make a difference. 🌷{Of course there may be times where your child needs their own therapy such as if they’ve experienced trauma, etc. But even then, they still need help from parents implementing what they learned and worked on in sessions}.

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Hi, I’m Gillian.

I offer mothers a holistic way through anxiety or maternal mental health challenges so they can more deeply connect with their children and rise to their full mother potential. We weave together mindfulness, psychotherapy, holistic nutrition & healthy lifestyle for an evidence-based yet natural, whole approach to healing. Our Mamas move from feeling anxious, overwhelmed and stuck in their heads, to calm, present and connected with their children.