20/07/2025
Today I went for a run. A 40-minute, Iâm fully committed to this, run. I havenât ran like that in years. I used to run almost daily. I loved it. It made me feel alive, free, happy. Iâd get into the zone and it was just me, my breath and a feeling of freedom.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, it felt like my body did not love running at all anymore. I had all kinds of physical ailments and I was exhausted. So I stopped running because I thought I had to.
I know now there was so much more going on. My body was screaming at me because I wasnât listening. I had stayed far too long in a relationship that was sucking the life out of me. Our bodies know and they get louder and louder until we pay attention. The thing is, my body started talking to me as soon as that relationship began. It was not safe, he was not safe, and my body knew. I lived in fear, I walked on eggshells, I never knew what kind of day it would be. Things looked great to everyone else but behind closed doors, it was hell. Everything was a game that I didnât understand the rules to and this had my nervous system completely hijacked.
It took some time, a lot of pain and tears, and a ton of courage, but when my daughter turned one, Iâd finally had enough and I started to listen to my body and my intuition. I knew I did not want my daughter to grow up in a home like that and that I had to get out. So I left. I had no clue how Iâd do it but I knew I couldnât stay a minute longer.
That was 7 years ago. Itâs taken me a long time to fully understand how I ended up there, to see how little I valued myself, to see how the environment I grew up in and our family dynamics shaped the way I saw myself and what I tolerated and thought was ok in a relationship.
So the run today was about so much more than just a run. Iâve finally gotten back to a place where I feel strong, empowered and alive again. Where Iâm listening to my body and myself. It hasnât been easy, it hasnât been linear, itâs taken a lot of work and determination, but Iâm learning to choose myself and do things that make me feel empowered and alive every day. I hope we all learn to do this for ourselves. â¤ď¸âď¸