Positive Change Counselling

04/24/2026

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04/20/2026

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Most people think rebuilding trust is about watching someone else prove they’ve changed.

But the deeper work - the work that actually frees you AND allows you to believe their actions or not is rebuilding trust in yourself.

Because when you’ve lived through relational trauma, you learn to question your own signals…

You talk yourself out of what you feel, minimize what you need, and abandon what you know - all to avoid rejection, backlash, or loss.

Your nervous system confuses self-betrayal with safety. And then post-trauma your nervous system confuses safety with danger. “Rewiring” this requires learning to identify your trauma triggers and your values so you can begin to discern and trust what actually IS safe - not just what reminds your nervous system of the past.

🧠 Rebuilding self-trust is about believing what you value, honoring what you need and know is safe for you, and standing behind what you say even when that feels uncomfortable.

True trust grows in both directions:
With others, when safety is proven through consistent patterns.

And with yourself, when you stop abandoning your truth to stay connected.

✨ Inside my Rebuilding Self-Trust course, I help you repair that internal relationship so your choices, boundaries, and voice start aligning with what you truly value.

Because the real foundation of every safe relationship is this one: the trust you rebuild with yourself.

Link in bio to start today.

04/16/2026

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You know the feeling. Before you've even finished your own thought, you're already finding ways to manage someone else's discomfort. 🆘

Your non-conscious mind built this pattern. It runs faster than you can think. And somewhere along the way, it decided that their comfort was worth more than your honesty.

You keep the peace. You carry the cost.

The next time someone is upset and you feel that pull to fix it, stop before you respond. Ask yourself one question: am I moving toward them because I genuinely care, or because their discomfort feels like my responsibility to manage?

If it's the second one, that's the pattern running. You don't have to act on it.

Caring for someone and abandoning yourself to manage their feelings are two completely different things. Your mind can learn to tell them apart.

Send this to the person you were just thinking of. 🧠

04/14/2026

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"To be able to change our behavior for the better, we need to become aware of all the ways in which we're stopping ourselves from experiencing our feelings. We need to become aware of all the different strategies we've developed to protect ourselves from the fear and anxiety we experience when we get close to our emotions. We need to be able to recognize our defenses."

~ from "Living Like You Mean It" by Ronald J. Frederick

04/11/2026

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This is a tough one. When someone suggests you might be hypervigilant, it doesn't land as relief. It lands as an attack on your self-awareness.

That's part of what makes it so hard to untangle.

04/10/2026

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If you want to repair, try this:

1) Name the situation: “I hurt you.” (Doesn’t matter if you “intended” to cause pain. You did. Doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t be hurt. This person you care about was.)

2) Empathize with that person’s experience: “I get why it landed that way.”

3) I’m sorry.

4) Skip the closing argument.

If you were to edit one of your recent apologies, what would it sound like instead?

04/01/2026

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Shame destroyed me. I am sharing this, because I don't want this for you. Give it back to who it belongs to.

Zenda-Lee Williams
Just my thoughts on a Notepad
Survivor