18/04/2023
A wonderful info graphic based on Dr. Kathryn Mannix's work.
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🟣 Grief is a lonely experience. It's even more isolating if friends and colleagues, worried about saying 'the wrong thing,' simply stay away.
🔵 How could we do better? Well, here are some suggestions. They are all based on feedback from bereaved people, and taken from 'Listen.'
🟣 Don't avoid us. Please make contact. We don't have the energy to initiate contact, but we want to feel connected.
🔵 Say our dead person's name. Tell us your stories about them. Give us new glimpses of them.
🟣 It's awkward. We know. Don't let that get in the way. Be awkward and turn up. It's OK to say 'I don't know what to say.'
🔵 Don't give us platitudes, or try to cheer us up. Just be with us in our sorrow. That's how we feel right now, but company sometimes helps a bit. Try 'I'm sorry you're so sad' if you need to say something.
🟣 Don't ask us how we are. The world has changed so much we can't answer a question as big as that. Try 'How are you just now?' or 'Do you feel up to a chat today?' or 'It's good to see you.'
🔵 Offers of practical help can be welcome. Thanks for walking my dog, taking my bins out, bringing me a meal for my freezer, or calling from the supermarket to ask what I need.
🟣 When we're coming back to work or re-joining social activities, some of us would like support. Don't guess: ask us whether we want a card and flowers or just 'business as usual' on our first day back. Make it easier for us to get back into familiar routines.
🔵 Listen. Let us tell our stories, the sad ones and the happy ones. Sometimes, we want to connect to happy past events, other times we want to share our current sorrow.
🟣 Keep on checking in. Don't stop after a week, a month, a year. Grief has no time limits. Remember important dates if you can, but random contact is appreciated, too.
🙏🏽 Big thanks to my talented colleague Monica Lalanda for making this fabulous graphic from my book. Isn't it a great way to convey a message?
