11/14/2025
I didn’t think I’d be grieving the end of breastfeeding this hard… but here we are.
I’m 10.5 months postpartum, and I really thought we’d make it to a year. That was the plan in my head. My plan. And then one day he just… stopped. And that was it 🥹
It is still odd how I went from hating it to loving it. The first 4 months, there’s not one day where I didn’t think of letting it go and switching to formula. I was so fed up with the fact that I was the only one who could provide for my baby. I missed my freedom. I missed getting out of the house for hours without worrying about my baby needing me. My ni***es were sore. I hated being the one on night duties.
But then we found our pace, and I started being ok with it. Then I started liking it. And ultimately I loved every moment. It was an imposed pause in my day where we could just be the two of us. He would look at me as if I was his whole world. Sometimes I would make him laugh and he would have that big smile while my ni**le in his mouth which I found so hilarious.
Night feeds became our precious special moments just for us.
But now it is all over.
I think what’s hitting me the most is that I wasn’t the one who decided.
I always pictured I’d choose when we were done — but he chose for us. And it’s such a weird mix of “okay, you’re growing up” and “wait, I’m not ready.”
And because he’s our last baby, this is really it.
No more nursing sessions. No more sleepy feeds. No little hand pushing on my chest. No quiet moments where the world feels paused.
With my first, breastfeeding ended at 4 months for multiple reasons and it felt like such a relief.
This time I made it so much farther and had a complete different experience… and I’m grateful I got to heal my relationship to breastfeeding and got to enjoy it ❤️ But it also makes the ending feel heavier.
It honestly feels like the end of a chapter I didn’t want to close yet.
And now I suddenly have more time, more freedom — and I don’t even know what to do with it. It’s such a strange shift.
Someone once told me “take lots of videos and pictures, so you can remember”. I’m so glad I did 🤍