31/12/2025
I had a conversation with my adult children this Christmas. My daughter and I talked about how men get benefits over women because of the patriarchy.
My son reacted.
He had an irritated, hurt look on his face and pointed out that it is not all men who have the intention of taking advantage of women and that he was tired of the generalizing of men.
I felt it. I could see he was hurt and I understood that the way we talk about men and shame them is hurting them and it’s hurting the relationship between men and women.
I'm not excusing men that are hurting women. I don’t want anyone to hurt anyone.
I'm talking about a structural problem. Patriarchy is the air we breathe - it's the water we swim in.
We all internalised the patriarchy. It's in our minds. That means we don't see and we don’t feel it. It's just there like the air and the water if you’re a fish.
What I came to understand is that the way we shame men in order to crush the patriarchy is hurting them - it's hurting our sons. It's hurting our brothers. It’s hurting women.
I’m aware of the ways men and women are talking about the other in a critical and derogatory way in certain arenaes (one of them could be in the thread) and I’m not interested in that conversation.
I want to have another conversation. A conversation about building community on strong, loving relationships up and crushing the patriarchy TOGETHER. Because we know that NO ONE (apart from the small percentage) benefits from inequality and EVERYONE benefits from equality.
You can say it's unrealistic.
You can say it will never happen.
You can say I should remove my rose coloured glasses and get real.
I don't care.
I want to work for a society where our sons and daughters are not hurting each other!
I heard Elinor Dickson https://www.elinordickson.com/ talk in a podcast about a new way I haven't heard about before.
One that gives me hope.
Many of us often wonder whether a matriarchy might be better than a patriarchy. I’ve never felt that a matriarchy would truly serve us better, as it would still be based on favoring one gender over another — and that doesn’t feel like a real solution.
Elinor Dickson speaks about androgynous rather than matriarchy or patriarchy. It’s a blend that allows for situational flexibility rather than strict adherence to gender roles - from what I understand. She speaks of it on a societal level not on an individual level.
This is a very simple outline of what I heard her say. Please check the podcast yourself:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0U84FhdBQGEJJfd7N25KFK?si=TScSsjiBQdS-YvHlNyzxWQ
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Matriarchy:
- Instinctual self
- Tribal
- Polytheistic
- Power FROM nature
- Power as a gift
- Dependance
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Patriarchy:
- Ego-self
- Hierarchical
- Monotheistic
- Power AGAINST nature
- Power as strength
- Independance
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Androgynycal:
- Soul/spirit self
- Ecological
- Inner marriage i.e.
- Interiorized spirituality
- Power WITH nature
- Power as love
- Interdependence
- Living the vertical into the horizontal
✨ This is my newyears wish ✨
That we stop fighting each other and start to heal.
That we stop being so gender-oriented and see the human(s)
Brothers and sisters. Women and men. We are the same. I don't know how this gender-thing came to mean that we are somehow not the same. We are all humans. We are all nature. And with all the crazy that’s going on in the world we need to stop fighting each other and start working together.
There’s litterally no time to waste. Let’s go!
❤️ Happy new year ❤️