Maddie meets Yoga, Rotermanni 2, Tao Keskus (2026)

24/04/2022

About last weekend. 🌲🌳🍃

I've been away from social media a lot as some of you may have noticed. I reached a level of burnout I hadn't experienced in ten years by the end of last year and my hardly fought for mental health collapsed under the weight of all the burdens I had put on my back. 💔 I needed a timeout.

My therapist asked me to put together a resting schedule and follow through on it, so I did. I read, I moved into my own place and got to decorate it as I saw fit, I spent time with friends and family, slept a lot, played guitar. Slowly but surely with rest, medication and therapy I have been starting to feel like myself again.

And then, last weekend we had our first hike of the season. 🏕 I was definitely a bit anxious and in my head the first evening, but I woke up the next morning to such warmth and beauty that all the noise was just gone. I listened to birds, spotted butterflies, fell knee deep in mud, balanced on slippery logs, drank my morning coffee in my tent whilst watching the sun sparkle on an ice-covered lake. ✨

Interestingly enough the most difficult times of last months coincided with me being away from nature. The nasty dark November did not invite me into the woods and I was struggling to take care of even my most basic needs, so it felt overwhelming to even attempt.

But I am happy to be arriving back slowly. I feel hope and excitement again, I laugh out loud, I dance whilst cleaning and sing to my plants. And those few days in the forest in the company of amazing, brave and simultaneously fragile women definitely brought me closer back home to myself again. 🖤

23/12/2021

You have given me hope. 🖤

The outpour of support in response to my last post has quite frankly left me speechless. 🥺

From past employers to chance encounters, from people that know me extremely well to people that I haven't even had a longer conversation with, a whole lot of you took time to share your experiences and struggles or remind me of all the positive qualities you see in me that I might be blind to at the moment.

This experience has reminded me once again that healing is not a linear journey where you reach a certain point and you're done. That just because you understand some causes of your triggers doesn't mean they can't be reawaken in you. That it is essential to set boundaries and unlearn the guilt that comes with them. 😓

It has simultaneously affirmed the necessity of speaking about things that scare us, that make us uncomfortable because it makes us bare our wounded soul for everyone to see. Turns out we're all a little wounded, whether we're aware of it or not and in today's world where we can't seem to miss any opportunity to pit ourselves against each other, maybe we could all do with a bit more of radical and compassionate honesty. 🖤

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. For reminding me of who I am and why I am here and that I am enough. I hope you can show the same kindness to yourself today.

Yours, Maddie.

📸

21/12/2021

I haven't been honest with myself.. 😔

I have been suffering in silence, telling myself that this too shall pass, that I should know better by now, I should have the tools and knowledge to support myself, it's normal to feel like this, everyone gets stressed. Etc etc etc.

As someone who has been brought up to always be the very best in everything they do, no exceptions, no quitting (and before we get any further it is hugely important that this is NOT interpreted as parent-blaming, most all parents do their very best with what they know and how they've been brought up themselves) I have acquired a lot of perfectionism, the need to do absolutely everything absolutely right all the time. 💯

When my mental health finally started to improve I felt like I was on a roll. I had dreams and ambitions again for the first time in years, I had a good morning routine to set me up for a successful day. It felt like the Universe was also noticing this and was offering me opportunities left and right and I said yes to all of them because they did offer me joy and fulfilment and it felt like my life was finally moving in the direction I wanted it to. 💫

Until it wasn't. Until I found myself sitting on the side of the bed on a Monday morning, crying, because it was a new week AGAIN and I was SO tired. 😔 From spring this year I have been trying to balance an almost full time job, yoga teacher training (and then teaching), the hiking project AND starting a small business in food production. There were times when all of this combined into working every waking moment for weeks in a row.

And I ignored the signs. The increase in alcohol consumption. The anxiety, which had never been a part of my life before. The constant feeling of exhaustion regardless of how much you sleep. Loss of interest in the things that made me SO happy before.

(continued in comments..)

27/11/2021

I am tired of feeling like this. 😞

I've struggled with mental health since I was a teenager. The blanket of depression would come over me and in time I would learn to hide it so well that most people in my life had no idea I was suffering. 😶

Carrying on in a state of being half-present, half-drowning for almost 2 decades was exhausting but I didn't know any better. I didn't remember what it was like to feel any other way. I thought it was puberty, then the struggles of adolescence, then at one point I had no one else but myself to blame for all my sorrows so in my mind I just accepted that I was broken. 💔

Who knows how my life would have turned out if I had better tools to support myself? I absolutely believe that everything happened so I could find myself exactly where I am right now, but there are little stings of sorrow sometimes that just want to feel sorry for little Maddie for all the unnecessary pain she inflicted on herself. 😥

If this sounds familiar to you then please know that you don't have to suffer in silence. 🤐 You are not alone and help is out there. ❤️ There are resources and tools and steps you can take, but you have to decide.

Without the actual commitment to wanting to feel better you can be given all the information to succeed yet it will be wasted on you if you just want someone else to fix you. 🤕 Standing up tall with your head held high requires you to be able to look at your flaws and say "I am aware of this and I love myself anyway." 🖤

If you are ready to take that step where you put excuses behind you and really commit to growing into your skin, flaws'n'all, drop me a comment or a quick message. ✉️ You are the only person who will be by your side for the rest of your life, so why not attempt to make friends with them? 💗

20/11/2021

"I need to keep moving."

One of the biggest arguments I hear against practicing yin yoga is that it is boring, it makes you sleepy and you're "not doing anything". 🙄

Which makes me want to turn around and tell them that that is exactly why you need yin yoga. 🙃

We live in a society where our "value" is equated with what and how much we produce.. Create social media content, let everyone know all the time how amazing your life is, wake up at 6 am every day and hustle for your dreams, produce more s**t, sell more stuff, be number 1, break even more limitations. 💪 💪 💪

When was the last time you were told you are fine exactly as you are, wherever you are, whatever your current physical or mental state❓Or maybe you are not fine, you are struggling to keep up with all those demands and you're fcking tired but every time you try to rest you feel an overwhelming sense of guilt? 😕

Learning to be still, to notice our internal dialogue (or monologue), to just be without needing to do is a revolutionary skill in today's world. If any of this resonated with you, I invite you to come practice with me. 🧘🏻‍♀️ I will do my best to remind you that wherever you are today, it is okay. And if it is not okay, we will learn how to accept what is so we can change what we can. 🖤

17/11/2021

After traversing back and forth in this gorgeous country, as much as I love its little streets and colourful tiles, the forest is still my heart's happy place. 💚🌲🌳🍁

It's the one place where I feel enough exactly as I am, not lacking, not too much, couldn't care less if my butt is dirty from sitting on the ground or my arms scraped from the shrubs. It's like coming home to your loving family who just takes you in as you are.

Oh and also, it's hard to describe what it's like when you set your gaze instead from a ceiling to treetops and blue skies, but if you haven't tried it yet, try doing yoga outdoors. You might be surprised how different and amazing it feels.

13/11/2021

hiking season might have finished, but forest yoga is alive and well in Portugal. 🇵🇹

My very tired feet took me about 16 km up and downhill today. Along narrow, winding roads filled with cars and tourist-carrying tuk-tuks, besides old stone walls, through mystical forest trails and old convent courtyards.

It has been a very interesting experience travelling alone again. The last time I was traversing new territory by myself was in 2018 when I wouldn't pass up any chance for self-destruction, be it drinking or smoking or partying until I couldn't tell left from right. 🥴

This time I have had to learn to deal with the occasional waves of loneliness, sadness, stress and tiredness in ways that still allow me to wake up with my self-respect in tact. I've learnt to pause and give language to the emotions that demand attention, use my breathing to relax and refocus and most importantly, show myself kindness when necessary. ❤️

Life is a long, winding road of ups and downs, but I am so happy to have made peace with the one person I will share it with til my last breath.

01/11/2021

"I haven't felt this grateful in ages.." 🖤

Words I happened to overhear on the last morning of the Näkid Metsa season closing retreat.

What started as intuitive feeling grew into a season of 15 hikes and almost 100 women that hopefully feel a little bit more confident in themselves and their hiking abilities today. 🏕

Last weekend a bunch of us reunited to learn even more skills, watch a sky full of thousands of stars, turn our attention inwards, laugh wholeheartedly, support each other and lose track of time. ✨

To call it an honour and a privilege to stand with and in front of these women would be an understatement. Out of the 15 hikes I got to take part as a guide in 8, from the very first one in early spring, through the sweaty, horsefly-filled summer all the way to the frosty mornings of late October. I guided my first ever group meditation on our first hike, I got to teach yoga in every possible weather outside in nature and I got to teach the ridiculously simple but effective forest bathing.

But most of all, for the first time in my life I felt a sense of belonging like never before. I have searched this Earth for a place that feels like home and tried to shave off and smoothen my edges to make myself fit in when all this time the home was within me and I just had to find the right puzzle to fit my piece into.

Thank you, each and every one of you. For the trust, for showing up ready to learn & experience, be still, open and present. Some of you have said that we have changed your lives, but you have no idea how much you've changed mine for the better. 🖤

Here's to the next adventures!
Your forest yoga fairy 💚

26/10/2021

I'm not doing enough. 😩

Recently I've been struggling a bit with managing all my obligations and the many businesses I have taken upon myself.

Guilt, shame, anxiety - all good friends of mine from my life thus far, are always there to remind me that there's more work waiting for me at the end of every task. 😓

Which is actually one of the reasons I wanted to start teaching yin yoga as it would also force me to practice my own lessons on myself and allow space to just be, without doing. 🧘🏻‍♀️

I've been away from social media more just so I could focus the energy I have left on maintaining the support systems that help to keep me sane, mostly journalling obsessively to create space in my mind and meditating on my whys, imagining the future I want to build for myself.

Do you feel like it's impossible to stop the mind from generating new to-dos, even if you've already done plenty? What are your best tips for organising when there's just way too much of everything to keep in mind? Do you keep a physical calendar or is there an app that changes everything? Leave me a comment below, you might just change my life for the better! ;)

19/10/2021

I am still processing last weekend... 🏕

It was definitely challenging as the temperatures are nearing 0 at night, complimented with a sudden blanket of darkness at 6 pm and bursts of heavy rain and wind. ⛈️

I did not sleep very well either of the nights. The second morning when I woke up to the sound of rain I was in a mood for sure. My shoes were cold and wet, my hip bones were bruised, I had shivered through the night and I was seriously doubting whether I was such a fan of nature and hiking after all. 😑

Then I opened the door of my tent to see the beauty of crisp late autumn mornings where the sun somehow rises even more beautifully, how thanks to the rain the treetops sparkled in sunshine, a fire was already warming up and life was just waiting for me to wake up and witness it. 🍃

I had a massive smile on my face the rest of the time. When we started the hikes this spring I hadn't slept by myself in a tent in nature. Now I own a tent that I got to set up literally 2 steps from the lake. In spring I felt quite out of place next to the hiking superheroes that are my co-organisers. This weekend I calmly instructed hikers how to use gas burners and gave tips to help protect from cold. ❄

I still have so much to learn and so much experience to gain, but I feel like I have grown into my skin and my shoes. I have come to realise that just because my experience is different doesn't mean it is less valuable. I can see how important the space I help to create is for these women. There is a special space in my heart for those blissful smiles that show up after morning yoga stretches or forest bathing. 🌲

I am not ashamed to say I am proud of myself. I hope you can look back to where you've come from and can say the same. 🖤

10/10/2021

I don't know how to be unbroken. 😶

Yesterday I was sitting outside of the sauna house, a cloud of steam emitting from my skin, staring at a sky full of thousands of stars and it hit me.

It sounds strange and counterintuitive that people who feel broken wouldn't want to heal. But there's safety in what you know. When you have accepted a role for yourself that includes constant suffering, it feels weird to be alleviated of it. Even when it is painful, it's a part of your identity, part of what makes you you and suddenly a part of your life feels missing. That's the power of habit for you.

Learning to be well also takes time and effort. If you've been pushing off going to bed until early hours of the morning there's no point in suddenly going to sleep 5 hours earlier as you most likely still won't fall asleep if your body is not used to that bedtime. But you can go to sleep 5-10 minutes earlier every night for a week and you've already brought yourself closer to a healthier version of yourself. Same for the mornings - it's definitely easier to wake up 5-10 minutes earlier then to suddenly decide to start getting up at 6 every morning.

Try and choose one better option for yourself today. Say no to that 2nd drink. Read 5 minutes before bed. Switch that last cup of coffee for a glass of water. Journal instead of watching that next episode. Then try that again tomorrow. Notice how it makes you feel. It could feel weird and boring and like something is missing and that's ok. Sit with it and accept that that's where you are today. Then think of where you would like to be and what small thing could you do differently tomorrow that would get you closer to it. Adjust as you go along. It is a constant journey and should be enjoyed for the motions rather than its destination. 🛤️

Maddie meets Yoga

24/04/2022

23/12/2021

21/12/2021

27/11/2021

20/11/2021

17/11/2021

13/11/2021

01/11/2021

26/10/2021

19/10/2021

10/10/2021

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