Relatievakantie

17/01/2023

Relationship maintenance
Is your relationship not running smoothly? With a multi-day (2,3 or consecutive days) relationship intensive (online or offline) at your home (or with us in Estepona) you can renovate your relationship in no time! For a fixed amount.

I know you through and through
You know each other through and through, know how the other reacts and have long since discovered that your partner is not the prince or princess in shining armor, but an ordinary person with behaviors that sometimes put you at a distance. If the degree of irritation is not too high, a relationship can often be spiced up. Sometimes that works by talking to each other, but unfortunately the lack of communication is often one of the biggest problems.

Solving, no talking for the sake of talking
A relationship intensive is not floaty. No therapy. A pressure cooker! Undisturbed and relaxing.
Is specially intended to teach partners to talk – again – with each other. In a way that solves or makes solvable the problems that have arisen in the past. Through this intensive communication training, coaching and, above all, a lot of PRACTICE, you will acquire the basic skills that will enable you to develop a future-proof relationship within 1 month.
Nice side effect: when partners like each other again, the s*x drive usually returns.

Interested: mail to info@relationshipholiday.com or whatsapp to +31611140465 or +34674747736

16/01/2023

Purity

So THE purpose of communication in the relationship is none other than conveying to my partner undistorted, completely and directly (when the thought arises) WHAT I think and WHAT the physical effects, if any, are of what I think or thought (that combination of WHAT I think and WHAT I physically experience is what we call the emotion) being able to take cognizance of those 2 WHATs by the other (ie having knowledge of the emotion of the other!); you have received information from the other
This lays the foundation for the next step in communication. Namely asking questions about What I have heard. Ask questions Until I understand. So here's what I'm told! And most of the time it is an emotion. Or is there an emotion behind it. You will find out by asking questions.

Understand my emotion

Telling your emotion therefore leads to the other hearing Your Emotion and can / must do something with it in communication! The fact that you have expressed your emotion does not mean that the other person also accepts your emotion or does not have any questions about it.

I understand your emotion

But by telling it, the step has been taken in understanding what your emotion is. The next steps can then be: asking further questions about it, having an opinion about it and telling it. Get an emotion through it and tell it again. In short, in problematic relationships a lot can and must still happen after that first step -which you have taken by telling your emotion-. A hallmark of healthy relationships is that all those follow-up actions take place, without a fight ensuing!

Asking About Your Emotion

The love relationship exists by virtue of the presence of love, of loving. It goes too far to elaborate in this article what love may or may not be. For the moment we leave it at the conclusion that if there is no more love or rather, if the person you love (and to whom you give your love) is no longer there, you notice it. Then a strong emotion arises. You can only think about that one person AND your body protests in all tones against that absence. You sleep badly. No apetite. Your productivity drops considerably. Nothing comes out of your hands anymore. You can only stare a little ahead of you. And concentrate on an activity or a person, e.g. a meeting or a colleague talking is difficult.

Breakup communication heartbreak

In other words, communication - as described above - in the love relationship is the only means to express your emotion to the other person. Both the very intense emotions (such as not having Loving Thoughts anymore) or other less spectacular emotions ("I'm hungry thinking" and "your stomach is growling"). The hard thing about communication is that it assumes you know your own emotions. Otherwise you cannot pronounce them. And does the other have to “guess” why you display a certain behavior (and as we know, behavior is one part of the emotion, the other part is the thought).

What is Your Emotion?

So communication is saying what your emotion is or was. Without thinking too much about how, why and when you are going to say it. Because then you get the same thing if you add too much water to the wine. The essence is gone! However, there is a limit to that. The limit is set by your partner.

Questions and answers
Questions and answers are the 2 next important components of communication (as we train it in in the relationship intensives). They form step 2 in the Communication as you learn it in (online) relationship intensive. Step 1 was that you express your emotion. Or more broadly said. You say what you think, without filters. This achieves that:

-you have to learn to register your own emotion and then know and
-are able and willing to convert that emotion into audible “words” for your partner; you tell the other your emotion
-you give the other person the opportunity to learn more about the emotion you have told about by asking questions!

(open) questions about behavior !

By expressing your emotion, you invite/give your partner the opportunity - after listening to you carefully - to possibly ask questions about what he/she heard.
Questions about your partner's emotion are a demonstration of respect and love.

With the open question you discover your partner's emotions!

16/01/2023

Questions Answers Listen

Communication is everything that has been said by one (of the partners) and has been heard and understood by the other immediately afterwards. That can be in the same language, but it doesn't have to be. Relationships in which the partners are bilingual must meet the same requirements in order to achieve good communication. It's even harder work for them.

The basis is saying and hearing
So the basis is “saying” and “hearing”. And what is "said"? Everything I think about the other person's behavior or the subject of the argument. Or about anything. You think 24 hours a day. Of anything and everything. About things you see or hear. Or what happens in your body; aches, hunger, increase in your heart rate. The only way to make the other person aware of all that is…by putting it into words that the other person can understand. The thought has then come out and can be heard!

Body language? Forbidden!

Communication and relationship problems. The rest - everything that does not come out through speech and has become audible - is therefore somewhat different, but in any case not communication as we want to see it. Examples of non-communication are therefore: sighing and groaning in close proximity to the other person, looking angry or aggrieved. Walk away. Slamming doors and glass. It's all NO communication. But -learned- behavior aimed at not having to say what that behavior stands for. A detour. The most important consequence for the other is that it will take the other person more time to understand what the other “could have said (and therefore thought)”.

Characteristic of a problematic relationship

It is behavior that has nothing to do with communication. But it is used by the partner exhibiting the behavior to convey “some” message. It is behavior that has evolved over time. In your childhood, at school, in your friendships or previous relationships. And may have been very effective in those other relationships. But apparently not with the person you are now in a relationship with! Problematic relationships arise from this behavior! Lots of non-communication from 1 or both partners.

I did not hear you

So if there is no response to the “saying”, “do you want a beer” with another “saying” (for example “yes please”) then there is no communication. But at most an attempt at communication. Problematic relationships are characterized by a lot of attempts at communication and very little actual communication!

Hear or listen

So essential to communication is the ability to speak your mind and hear (only) what has been said by the other person. First, let's talk about what we mean by that. With hearing. Or its language equivalent, listening. Listening is basically being able to reproduce literally what you heard. "Do you want a beer?". Without adding or omitting others to those spoken words.

Voice Recorder

As a listener you are just a voice recorder. You have to get used to that thought, but after a weekend of practice you don't know any better. To reach that level of listening or hearing you have to switch off another important human ability (the brain).

Think

And that thing you have to turn off when you have to listen is “thinking”. Thinking about what the other person has said and what you think of it. In other words, “do you want a beer” will stick in your brain as “do you want a beer” and not “do you want a beer? yes of course I want a beer, thought she would never ask”. Your thinking - your assessment of what the other person has said - is when you are in listening mode turned off!

No distortion

In other words, there is no distortion of the saying “do you want a beer”. The listener is only concerned with the “speaker”. All other thoughts that arise at that moment or were already circling are irrelevant and should therefore remain neatly under lock and key. They can only mutilate the “communication”. Later they are allowed to jump around again and do their job. But only if you ask for it and give permission for it. In the interest of a good conversation! Compare it with listening to the TV, the radio and a telephone conversation. You can't follow everything completely!

From listener to questioner

So if you heard correctly “do you want a beer”, you can then put yourself in the “question mode”. You could ask the question “what kind of beer do you have?” or “to what do I owe this offer” or “what are you going to drink? These questions all have the common characteristic that they are open questions. And because they are open, they can give you more information about your partner's "thinking world". In this case about the thought “do you want a beer”.

16/01/2023

About communication and relationship problems

Communication and relationship problems. Communication is a container word. It is a label for a large collection of ways of expressing everything that happens in your brain and body. And a very large part of which is important information for you.

This is important because your partner adjusts their own behavior accordingly. Guessing why your partner behaves in a certain way towards you carries the risk of creating unnecessary misunderstandings.

Communication is telling your partner your thoughts; directly and unfiltered
The essence of optimal relationship communication is to tell your partner - in a language and in a way that the other person likes - what you think. And possibly also to which physical effect that thought is linked. For example, you think "what a terrible rude way of addressing me". And the physical effect that comes from that is that you run away. The two together are a form of communication. But the only conceivable. Because you only think it and do it (run away). But don't bring it out. And so the other person has to guess why you are running away.

Many relationship communication words
In our language there are many other concepts / verbs that can be counted as communication. The best known are speaking and listening. But also think of the verb to write, call, whatsapp, zoom and even stutter. Everything sails under the flag of the ship communications. In this article, we are only talking about communication in the relationship. Or rather, the love affair. And why about communication? Because it is the cornerstone of the love relationship. It is the activity that brings out everything you think and experience in your body. So that the other knows who you are! And can base his / her behavior towards you on that.

What is it, communication?
Without exception, our clients come to us with a problem they describe as “we often get into fights”. About small and big subjects. Much more often than at the beginning of the relationship.

Toothpaste cap
About the cap that is not screwed on the toothpaste. But also about a lack of intimacy, for months now. Or the behavior towards the children in specific situations. Or how the household tasks are divided. Spending money.

Not happy about it
And that - the bickering and bickering - is apparently something that one or both are not happy with! For which they are looking for a solution because they have not found one themselves. When we look under the hood of their relationship, we almost always see the same thing. The communication engine is not working properly. They speak 2 different languages. We will work with them to do something about it.

09/01/2023

Couples Retreat
A couples retreat is a designated time away for couples to refresh and reset their relationship. It is a time to be intentional about reconnecting with your spouse and take advantage of uninterrupted time together.
Far from the frenetic pace of everyday life, Marbella Couples Retreat -MCR- balances body and spirit through a nicely balanced mix of intensive communication training and de stressing activities.
If you’re seeking salvation through therapy or simply looking to reconnect by getting unplugged, our therapists, counsellors and trainers will help you find long-term solutions that really work for you and for your partner. In short, we will give you a Tool-Kit that is proven to work.
call to:637911393

28/04/2020

19/08/2019

Uit het niets

19/07/2019

Tips om eenzaamheid in de relatie te voorkomen Eenzaamheid voelen in de relatie. Daar gaat dit artikel over. We noemen de gedachte dat je partner je negeert, geestelijk en/lichamelijk emotionele eenzaamheid. Maar waar ontstaat die gedachte dat je er niet meer toe doet? Wat je zelf kunt doen aan het....