26/10/2025
'Forgiveness' I feel, is something I chose in my life's plan to experience for my highest good. At 40 something I finally understand the depths of what it truly means to forgive and how to get there. I thought I'd figured out forgiveness when I'd initially moved beyond the hurt of a situation, to the understanding of it. Making logical sense of things helped me to look at it objectively and feel acceptance and even compassion but, when even the tiniest scrap of dirt (bitterness, anger, resentment) remains, it festers and infects the healthy parts nearby which later erupt as fresh pain when pressed. After being indirectly triggered recently, I decided to go back and clear out a wound with iodine and yes it stung like f@&! but now it's clear, it's closed and finally healing.
In making a conscious decision to choose peace by fully healing something, everything else worked itself out effortlessly. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears and this was absolutely true for me being at the right place at the right time with the teacher sharing their insight. Ripping off the plaster was a lot easier to do with the kindness and support that followed.
So here's what I learnt..
We all create our own ideas of morality and what we consider to be right and wrong, in order to define ourselves as people. When this is challenged by someone else's differing perspective, we often judge them as being wrong. Our definitions of what we think is right and wrong change as we do and vary greatly in different cultures, gender and locations. In some countries it's illegal to drink alcohol and in others it's not. This doesn't make one country right and the other one wrong, it just reflects each country's own code of conduct defining what works for their culture.
When truly forgiving someone it's necessary to accept that their perspective of the situation was true and correct in their eyes, they didn't see it as wrong based on their definition of what's right and wrong and their moral code. The role they played is one that prompts us to make a choice - do you want to be right (in your perspective) and remain angry, hurt and victimised? or do you choose peace and freedom and dissolve all hurt by seeing the bigger picture? If we want to live in a state of peace and happiness we have to consciously choose to be those things and recognise that being 'right' at the cost of your peace, is just not worth it.
Sometimes we have to forgive and let go without having received an apology and this is yet again making a conscious choice to choose your peace and closure over living with ongoing resentment.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
Matthew 7:12
Those that truly want to live peacefully and happily in this world know that we must learn to treat others as the extensions of ourselves however different our perceptions are. We've all experienced being hurt by others and we're all guilty of hurting others intentionally or not. Does this not show us how we're all experiencing the same challenges in different forms? how forgiving others helps us to forgive our own wrong doings? and how learning to forgive and let go is the golden ticket to living a happier life?
We've all experienced pain and suffering in different ways and we all have free-will to decide what we do with it. Personally, I choose to live in peace because it feels so much better than living with resentment and sadness and stops me from projecting hurt on to others. We don't need to keep painful things active in our thoughts or feelings when we consciously choose to better ourselves for the benefit of our present reality.
In choosing to experience Forgiveness, I'm grateful to those that have given me the opportunity to fully learn to embody it through my life's experiences.
If you'd like to know more or have any questions or comments, feel free to email me at wordwithyourself@gmail.com
2025. All right reserved.