PookyH

28/05/2026

𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗹𝗮𝘇𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗮𝘆.

The unanswered email, the form that needs two lines and a signature, the washing up that's been there long enough to evolve. From the outside it reads as not bothering. Inside, you've often spent the day doing things far harder than the dishes.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹.
A lot of this comes down to dopamine. Not the version from the wellness internet, just the brain chemical that tells you something is worth doing right now. For many neurodivergent brains, especially ADHD ones, that signal stays quiet for tasks that are dull, low-stakes, or a long way off. The job isn't hard. It just doesn't register as worth acting on, so the start button won't press.

𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘂𝗽: 𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘁𝘆, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲. It's why a looming deadline or a problem interesting enough to chew on can make action feel effortless when "ring the dentist" couldn't get off the ground for a fortnight. Same person, same day. The chemistry was flat for one and flooded for the other.

So when you finally do the thing in a last-minute panic, that isn't proof you could have done it all along if you'd cared more. It's proof the urgency arrived and gave your brain the signal it had been waiting for.

Please share this if it would help someone stop calling themselves lazy.

26/05/2026

𝗪𝗲𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄: 𝗡𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁
Practical strategies for parents, carers and professionals supporting a neurodivergent child through burnout, with ideas for neurodivergent adults too.

Wednesday 27th May, 7pm.
45 mins content + extended Q&A.
Everyone who registers gets the recording.

Book here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1985118269181?aff=oddtdtcreator

Please share

Practical strategies for parents, carers and professionals supporting a neurodivergent child through burnout (+ ideas for ND adults)

20/05/2026

This is out next month and available for pre order now. On first glance looks fantastic and I loved ’s last book so excited for this one. 20% discount with code POOKY20 - on this and all books.

What have you read lately that you’d recommend?

18/05/2026

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗼 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲.
You give them a sticker and they look at their feet. You tell them they've done brilliantly and the rest of the day falls apart. You put their name on the board and they shut down.

If you work in a school, you've seen this. A child who responds to a reward the opposite way to how the system expected. We tend to read it as ingratitude, awkwardness, or attention-seeking. It's none of those things.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻, 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.
They feel good, they motivate, they build connection. For some children, something else is happening underneath, and it's worth understanding what.

For a child whose nervous system is already on alert, praise can feel like pressure to keep performing. A reward becomes something they could lose. A spotlight becomes another thing to manage on top of everything else. For a child with a demand-avoidant profile, "you did brilliantly" can land as an instruction to do it again. They hear the demand before the warmth.

You'll notice this most often in anxious children, autistic children, children with a PDA profile, children carrying trauma. Not all of them, not all the time, but often enough that it's worth recognising the pattern when it shows up.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆.

𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻.
Public attention is hard on a nervous system that reads being watched as a threat, even when the watching is kind.

𝗕𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.
Side-by-side feels safer than face-to-face when a child is already braced for evaluation.

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘄, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀.
"You stayed at your desk" gives them information they can use. "Well done" asks them to receive an evaluation, which is harder than it sounds.

𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝗿.
Some children can receive praise at home that they can't bear at school. Both still count.

𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱.
Praise often comes with an unspoken demand to react gratefully. Removing that demand is a gift.

𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱.
Sometimes the answer is "please don't do it in front of everyone." Sometimes it's "tell my mum." Sometimes the answer surprises us.

***
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻.
***

Please share this if you want to help more people understand.

16/05/2026

Had to hop off the tandem to share this little bit of joy with you. I hope it makes you go wow like it did me, and that you enjoy spotting it for yourself (and sharing the joy) now you know.

I would love to hear your other nature nuggets that have made you smile please…

Have a lovely weekend x x x

15/05/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.

For someone with a demand avoidant profile, ordinary instructions can feel like a threat. The nervous system reacts to perceived demands before the words are even processed. What looks like defiance is usually a genuine fight, flight, or freeze response to feeling controlled.

This happens at home and it happens in classrooms. The trigger isn't the person giving the instruction. It's the instruction itself.

The swap is small but the principle behind it matters: remove yourself as the source of demand and share information instead.

𝗔 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝘆:
• "Time for bed" becomes "I'm heading upstairs."
• "Come and sit down" becomes "I'm sitting down to work."
• "Tidy up please" becomes "I'm starting on this corner."
• "Stop crying" becomes "It's okay to feel this."
• "What's wrong?" becomes "I'm here."

These won't all work every time. Some days the tank is empty and no phrase, however gentle, will do the job. That isn't anyone getting it wrong. That's a human nervous system having a human day.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲.

The full guide has phrase swaps for mornings, transitions, mealtimes, homework, bedtime, big feelings and shutdown, written for parents and education staff.

Free on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/resource-pda-158165605

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Share this if you know someone who'd find it useful.

14/05/2026

𝗣𝗗𝗔: 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁.
For a demand avoidant brain, being told to do something can register as a threat to autonomy, even when the task itself is fine. What looks like refusal is often a panic response to the demand, not the doing.

Take the social pressure out and the same task often becomes possible.

𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
‘There’s ten minutes left of the lesson’ rather than ´you need to finish now.´ ´Pickup’s at three´rather than ´be ready by three.´Give the facts and trust the person to act.

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝗸.
A checklist on the fridge, instructions on the board, a text message rather than a verbal request. The demand stops being a person leaning on them.

𝗪𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆.
A surprising number of children can do the thing the moment no one’s watching. Set it up, say what you need to once, then move away. The audience often IS the demand.

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲.
Most demands carry an invisible ´now.´ Loosen it. ´Sometime before lunch’ rather than ´right now.´ Knowing they get to choose the moment is sometimes what makes the task possible at all.

𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
´The fire alarm means we all have to leave´rather than ´I need you to leave.´ You’re on the same team, both responding to something external.

This isn’t about sneaking demands past anyone. The outcome still matters. What changes is how you get there. You’re removing the layer that’s causing the distress, not pretending the task doesn’t exist.

It won’t always work. PDA is variable. But these are good places to start when the usual

11/05/2026

𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻'𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁.
They're an access tool for anyone whose brain processes information differently.

When your brain has to work extra hard to decode speech sounds whilst tracking visual information, it uses up precious cognitive resources. This leaves less mental capacity for understanding meaning or following conversations.

ADHD brains struggle to filter background noise.
Autistic minds find rapid dialogue overwhelming.
Anyone with processing differences can feel lost when audio and visual information compete.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
• Turn on subtitles for everything, not just when you "need" them
• Use live captions in video meetings (Teams, Zoom, Google Meet all offer this)
• Record important conversations so you can process without time pressure
• Ask for meeting notes or follow-up emails to confirm what was discussed

Many people don't realise how much mental energy they're spending just trying to hear properly.

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Please share this if you want to help more people understand.

07/05/2026

𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀, 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀.

A really well-run Year 6 classroom often provides a great deal of executive function support without anyone naming it as such. The timetable is largely predictable. Most activities happen in one room. There is usually one trusted adult who knows each child well and notices when something is off.

That scaffolding is genuinely brilliant work. It is also largely invisible, which means when a child arrives at secondary school and suddenly has to manage multiple teachers, multiple rooms, multiple homework platforms, a new building, a new social landscape and a longer day, all at once, a real gap often opens up. Not because anyone has done anything wrong, but because the supports that were working quietly in primary are no longer there in the same shape.

This gap shows up in lots of small ways: forgotten equipment, missed homework, the lunch hall avoidance, the after-school collapse, the "I'm fine" that masks a hard day. These behaviours are easy to read as attitude or motivation. They are usually neither.

The good news is that the skills neurodivergent students need to manage secondary school can be explicitly taught, practised, and revisited. Things like:

• Self-awareness: knowing what helps them and being able to share it
• Self-advocacy: practising the words for asking for help
• The unwritten rules: making the implicit explicit
• Executive function: portable scaffolds for planning and organising
• Sensory and emotional regulation: a toolkit they can take with them

I have written three free resources on this for staff and families: a full guide for staff, a slimmer skills checklist that is the working document, and a separate guide written directly for parents and carers. They pair with each other but each one stands alone.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/resources-for-157425511

Please share.

RESOURCES: Equipping Neurodivergent Students for Secondary School Life by Pooky Knightsmith on Patreon. Join Pooky Knightsmith's community for exclusive content and updates.

04/05/2026

𝗜𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗽𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻?

RSD gets framed as a quirk of the ADHD or autistic brain. Something faulty in the wiring. A reaction that doesn't match the situation.

But step back and look at what the nervous system has actually been working with...

𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗮.
Years of being told off for things you didn't realise you were doing wrong. Friendships that ended without explanation. People reacting to you in ways that felt sudden and out of proportion. Teachers, parents, colleagues whose tone shifted before you understood why.

A nervous system that responds quickly to those signals isn't broken, it's noticed the pattern and it's trying to keep you safe from something that has kept happening.

𝗠𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲.
This doesn't mean every flicker of perceived rejection is real. Sometimes the alarm goes off when nothing is wrong. But maybe the alarm itself isn't the problem to solve; maybe it's a sensible response to a lifetime of being misread?

Treating it as a brain glitch keeps the shame in place. Treating it as a learned response opens up something else: curiosity, self-compassion, and the quiet relief of realising you were never overreacting. You were just paying attention.

What do you think?

02/05/2026

𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗲, 𝘂𝗽 𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲, 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗺𝗲𝘁..

The tandem comes to a sudden halt fairly often because I’ve spotted a tree that needs visiting.

I love trees. Especially the old ones. They’ve been here so much longer than us, quietly getting on with it, and I find something deeply settling about a few minutes in their company. Climbing if I can. Leaning in and touching if I can’t.

It makes me feel small in the best possible way. My worries shrink to the right size.

We all need something that does this for us. A place, a ritual, a particular walk. Something that puts us back together when the week has taken us apart.

It’s a three-day weekend. I hope you’re finding a bit of time for whatever does this for you.

Where do you take yourself to reset? I’d love to know.