02/04/2026
🌞 Good Morning Beautiful Souls I thought i'd pop in here as ive been away from this page for a while.
I'm still figuring out a way forward with both of my pages and my Instagram while im investing most of my free time to creating courses and guides for my Private Trauma Informed Womens Healing Group, Finding Freedom.
* Below is my post for the group today... do you recognise yourself in the first paragraph? ...if so this group maybe for you *
There is not only me sharing wisdom and support, I am joined by 3 other team members that bring their experiences and expertise.
There's spiritual guidance, distance reiki, E.F.T. Nervous system regulation/vagus nerve exercises and guidance.
Wellness guidance on everything from anxiety to fibromyalgia
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
D.B.T
Meditation
Journalling
Signposting to counselling services and a few free sessions to start you off, if needed.
There's just too much to list here, i'll make another post when i have time ...
Group link.
https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DdSHVrLia/
Today I continue my series on the Inner Child but before we go deeper, I want to begin somewhere simple.
Have you ever felt like you had to be a certain version of yourself to be loved? Maybe it was a little quieter,
a little easier or a little less emotional. You might not call it a wound but this is often where it begins…
The core wound i'm sharing about over the next few days is the wound of unworthiness and the identity formed in the absence of being met.
Unworthiness is not a belief you simply picked up. It is an identity formed before you had language, choice or perspective. It begins in the relational field. A child is not asking, Am I enough? A child is asking, Am I safe to be as I am and still be loved?
When the answer to that question is inconsistent, conditional, or absent
the psyche does something extraordinary. It adapts I will become who I need to be in order to not lose connection. And in that moment, the child does not lose love, they lose themselves.
And here starts the lie that feels like truth. Unworthiness does not feel like a distortion. It feels like clarity. This is why it is so rarely questioned because it was not formed through logic. It was formed through repeated emotional experience. From the glance that withdrew instead of softened or the moment your emotion was too much or not enough.
The subtle shift where you learned this version of me is not welcome and these moments are often not remembered (i have held space for many an adult that has said there was no trauma in my childhood or it was perfect) but these messages are encoded and what gets encoded becomes “This is who I am.”
When i meet people I can feel this wound long before it is spoken. With clients it often shows as apologising for taking up time in a space created for them or a reflexive “I’m fine” before access to what is actually felt. Then there's the minimising language “it wasn’t that bad” while the body say otherwise. Sometimes there is laughter at the point where grief should be or a pause before answering anything personal and tracking what is acceptable first. Then perhaps the most telling is
when asked what they need
there is silence not resistance, not avoidance just absence.
I not only know these through education, I’ve lived them. Unworthiness creates a division that most people are not consciously aware of, i call it the internal split, it's the self that feels and the self that monitors. One lives and the other manages and over time, the managing self becomes dominant.
You learn to read the room before you feel yourself, you adjust your expression before it is fully formed and
anticipate disconnection before it happens.
All of these behaviours are not insecurity, this is relational hypervigilance. These patterns are not random and nothing about this is accidental. Your perfectionism is an attempt to pre-empt rejection. The people-pleasing is an attempt to maintain connection and your self-doubt is an attempt to stay small enough to be safe.
And your overgiving, well that is an attempt to secure worth through usefulness.
Over the next few weeks i will break everything down and share all that your therapist sees and knows and explain it in as simple terms as possible.
We can not remove the behaviour without addressing the wound because the system will simply generate another strategy because the core belief remains untouched that “Who I am, at my core, is not enough to be chosen.”
Then there's the part no one talks about, the reason this wound persists, even in highly self-aware individuals and that is because unworthiness is not just painful, it is organising and
it creates predictability.
And so if I believe I am not enough, i'll expect less, i'll risk less and also i'll not be surprised when I am not met.
It will protect against something deeper, the vulnerability of hoping and not receiving.
I will continue with my inner child series and explain why healing the unworthiness wound feels so exposing tomorrow.
With Love and Presence
Julia~Dorne 💛🌿🌼
Founder of Finding Freedom
*This and each post I share over the next few weeks will be added to the Inner Child guide section at Finding Freedom.
A workbook and meditation are also available as well as so many more resources and courses to support you on your healing journey.
fans
