27/10/2024
So before I introduce myself I just thought I’d give you a mini insight into my weekend and what led me to ‘the unofficial official FML’ 🤦🏻♀️
Because il be honest this has been coming a long while…
We only need to go as far back as 5.30am yesterday morning anyways just to paint a picture 👩🎨
So my twin daughters turned 3 yesterday! Oh how fast the time goes! Although it doesn’t half drag when they’re satanically teasing you. 😈😈
Anywho 5.30am like clock work twin A and big sis appear. Mum where awake… can we all que up outside your room now ready to open presents 🎁 (every birthday they all line up top of the stairs in excitement ready for the birthday monkey to go down and open their presents; because of course I have to be in front to record their reactions!” 😱😁
Shh! Get in my bed and go back to sleep it’s too early! This lasted half hour before I sent them to wake the other twin and the boys swiftly appeared from their rooms. Forming this said birthday line we create so beautifully! 8 seconds into said line there are tears, arguments and an issue with who is breathing on who.
Fast forward a few hours of arguments, repetition of they aren’t your toys put them down, give them back, your too big for that we made it 10 minutes EARLY to the party.🥳 I’m never early! But I did tell myself and my partner that we had to be there at 9.30 just so we wouldn’t be tremendously late and 9.50 we arrived perfectly on time! For once… ⏱️
Now we need to flash back a little 📸
One of my twins has some breathing difficulties and so she’s on quite abit of medication. Now every so often said medication backs her up 💩
So Friday night we had laxido to help with the movement.
Now back to the party…
Yup you guessed it. The medicine worked 💊💩
Right down the slide 🛝 and down followed multiple children right into it 🤭😂
The young girls at the playcentre were shocked and clueless at how best to deal with this situation but my oh well mama instinct kicked in, with help from the sissy! The socks came off and up I climbed with disinfectant baby wipes and blue roll to hand 😂
The amount of discarded socks/tights & pants yesterday 😅😬🙊
Anywho thankfully! That was the end of the p**p drama! 💩Till we had a secondary eruption today but thank god that was JUST on my carpet 😂🤷♀️ and that was on dads watch so certainly not my problem 😂🙊
Anywho the rest of the birthday went well. We got lost in Bolton looking for Nando’s which was underground!
Twin A escaped the building several times in true twin A fashion, the food was dry, service was even drier but the company was perfectly wet 💦 literally we had a few spilt drinks.
Then we went to a panto! A few I want I want and it’s not fair moments and far too many toilet trips! But it was a success and we made it home! And they all went to bed without drama!
Until!!!
5am! Now bear in mind it was planned to be my LIE IN DAY! And the clocks went back which meant wow what a cracking sleep but no not me never me…
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP 🚨‼️🚨‼️
Half asleep thinking who the f*ck is turning iPad alarms, alarm clocks, watch alarms whatever the f that is why is it on urgh!!!
Opens bedroom door and it clicks! CARBON MONOXIDE ALARM!!🚨 ‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨
Ahhh get up!!! Come on kids you everybody up get your blanket and too the car! Let’s go let’s go!! 3 floors of bedrooms to round kids up from here!! So you can imagine the panic whilst opening windows to ventilate!
Everybody wrapped up in the van I then check Google! Yep everybody out ring said number and see how we get on….
So rings the number turn off all gas appliances, turn gas tap off! open all windows and doors and just go back in. Engineer will be here in 2 hours don’t go in attic or basement.
So that’s 4 now in our bed! Plus me and my other half! My lie in right out the window. I’m hanging on the edge for dear life! 🛏️ quilt be stolen kids can’t keep still! Hotel Transylvania blaring away and a sulky tired man flu ridden other half. 10 minutes in I’ve given up! It’s 6.20 am! I remind him that in theory is 7.20 so it’s more than a valid time to get himself up with them but he just rolls over deafened by the need to just close his eyes! 👀
So I’m up with the gang… electric fire blaring as it’s freeeeezing!
Gas man comes with his magic wand. Nope no issues here love probably a faulty reader! Happens all the time. Oh goood.
Yes that’s the good news. But I’m going to have to isolate your gas meter cutting off your gas supply. You’ll have to get a gas engineer to come check your appliances and turn it back on. Sorry about that. I’ve got you two electric heaters and an electric hob here for you. But we can’t do anything about your hot water sorry! 🤦🏻♀️🙄 oh ok yes perfect thanks for that.
So we just get on with that drama… contact several gas cert engineers who want to either charge me £500 or come Tuesday night 😂 thank god there was a friendly one who didn’t want anywhere near! Came round at 1.30 and sorted us right out! So I’m now in the bath whilst I write this 😂 warming up 🔥🛁
Anyways I decided to crack on clearing out, well as you can imagine from their birthday so much rubbish lieing about amongst the general crap I had! So I filled the van to go to the tip!!
In the midst my neighbour… I think he likes to practice being a pharmacist… testing his medications before distribution type work… well he was hanging out his window… “get your phone out! Stop listen, call the police, the media, everyone you all need to hear this! Save the children save the planet” as he continues to bang a rock against his window that’s the only thing keeping him from plummeting onto the roof of my van below! So I made a call for his own safety because well I didn’t wanna see the poor chap get hurt… but the police deemed him sane and went on their merry way anywho. He’s just singing through the wall currently so hes happy 😊
Gets in the van and …. NOTHING! Dead ☠️ only got it back Wednesday after being in bloody garage all week half dead 💀
Tried to ring my mechanic ZILCH! 📵
Rang my recovery friend I FORGOT THEYRE AWAY! 🏕️
My jump leads set alight last time this happened 🔥
Tried to push it off drive… well it was already heavy before I filled it with s**t for the tip! And still to heavy after asking members of the public to help me too! 😂 💪
Thankfully my childminders son is in love with his car 🚗❤️and his boot is fully equipped to save him so thought I’d see if he could save me too! And in true style he did!! Only cost one chocolate biscuit to his little sister too! 🍪Bargain! Call Brandon’s Car Rescue! He’s almost as good as miss rabbit 🐰 🚁
Anyways got to the tip! Finally! Then off to go collect a new oven because well… that’s another story! Our oven packed up a couple weeks back, same time as my washer and dryer amongst many other things 😂
On route the geezer sends me thr same different collection addresses and I begin to think my life maybe coming to an end! So I screenshot my messages sent them and my location to my other half “just incase I die” 💀
Luckily I did not!
So the guy helped lumber it into the van!
Phone rings! This is when the p**p part 2 happened!! We’ve no wipes! How long you off? We’ve no hot water 💦 help! “I’m 14 minutes away” oh no she’s doing it again il just have to wash her down… and he puts phone down
Now as I mentioned my washer broke so my mums been helping out so on route home I pop in to collect said washing. Inform her of my mornings adventures and.. the topic came about of writing a book again 😂
Best seller my life I tell ya! Anyways he rings again! I dodge it because I know I’ve been longer than 14 minutes 😂
Then he texts this 14 mins had extended to 40 did the oven man follow you or something?!
So I rang him to confirm I’m alive 😂
Well got back! The oven is one you plug into an electric wire mains setup thing… yea we don’t have one of those 😂😂
So yes here we are. I’m in the bath having a chill
The kids are taking turns crying and whinging about each other. I’ve heard something about bubble mixture everywhere. Spilt milkshake and to stop touching the dogs bum.
I think il soak a little while longer. 🛁
Write soon 🧑💻⌚️
Welcome to my world
