Dr Rachel M Allan

12/04/2026

If you’ve lived through repeated experiences of humiliation, exclusion or conditional acceptance, your system absorbs a blueprint for where you expect to be placed socially.

So new interactions activate a long-held threat that you are about to be shamed all over again. And that pulls you straight to that familiar position of withdrawing, hiding and excluding yourself just to stay safe.

Understanding what is behind classic social anxiety can change how we work with it. And if it’s trauma behind it, we go to its roots.

If this resonates, comment GUIDE for my FREE GUIDE “What’s Really Going On?” A Psychologist’s Guide to the Patterns Behind Your Pain.

Ready to start your journey in therapy? Contact us today ⬇️ https://www.rachelallanconsultancy.com/contact/

10/04/2026

An informative read for anyone interested in how trauma affects your brain, and how EMDR works ⬇️
👀 🧠 ❤️

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/relationship-and-trauma-insights/202603/how-trauma-hijacks-your-brain-and-how-emdr-can-help?fbclid=PAZnRzaARGG8hleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeU4ek1Hd70WIBYoA-KS3hwC7PJ1nyCj5XL-RbiuuFhCX26OfvmxNJM9t_3rw_aem_UM817oZEZ2WrN7zVApZ9pw

Understanding the neurobiology of trauma, from the silent Broca’s area to the overactive amygdala, can be a pivotal step in moving from survival to a validated recovery.

08/04/2026

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of trauma recovery is its subtlety. It can seem like nothing has actually changed. But then you start noticing what’s missing…

A door slams and you don’t brace. You catch a glimpse of someone who resembles a person from your past and feel unexpectedly neutral. You can visit places that once felt off-limits and remain relatively calm. You find yourself setting boundaries, and holding them. Being ignored by those who struggle with your visibility brings up pity, not shame.

So you have more energy. More time. More enjoyment.

Approaches like EMDR work directly with the underlying patterns that kept old responses in place, allowing responses driven by you—not your past—to become the new normal.

My free guide, What’s Really Going On? A Psychologist’s Guide to the Patterns Beyond Your Pain, helps you understand some of the patterns that keep you stuck. Comment GUIDE and I’ll send it to you.

Share this with someone who needs to see it.

And if it’s time for something to shift, you can get in touch about therapy here 👉 https://www.rachelallanconsultancy.com/contact/

08/04/2026

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of trauma recovery is its subtlety. It can seem like nothing has actually changed. But then you start noticing what’s missing…

A door slams and you don’t brace. You glance someone with a passing resemblance to someone from the past and feel surprisingly neutral. You can visit places that used to be strictly no-go and feel relatively calm. You find yourself having boundaries and sticking to them. Being ignored by those who can’t tolerate your visibility ignites pity, not shame.

So you have more energy. More time. More enjoyment.

Approaches like EMDR and work directly with the underlying patterns that new the old responses in place and allow responses that are driven by you - not your trauma - to become the new normal.

My free guide “What’s Really Going On?” A Psychologist’s Guide to the Patterns Beyond Your Pain helps you understand some of the patterns keeping you stuck. Collect GUIDE and I’ll send it to you.

Share this with someone who needs to see it.

And if it is time for something to change, get in touch about therapy here 👉 https://www.rachelallanconsultancy.com/contact/

05/04/2026

Most people think the problem is they can’t say no. But it’s not that simple.

There is a part of you that learned, a long time ago, how to keep things steady. It moves at lightening speed, reading the room and doing what it thinks it needs to to keep everybody happy.

That part is not actually the problem. The problem is it is still in charge of your life. There is another part of you that is wise and steady, that can sit with tension and disappointment. A part that understands it doesn’t have to earn everything. A part that is realistic about what you have capacity for. That doesn’t panic about what might happen is you pause or push back. But unfortunately, most of the time if doesn’t get a look in.

So the work is not about becoming someone who meets every request with a flat no (although i don’t NOT recommend it😉). It is about learning to give the wise part of you an opportunity to come online before you make a decision.

At first that can feel massively uncomfortable. But start recognising that space as re-wiring old patterns. The more you repeat that, the more it adds up to a new way of being.

Where could you be next Easter if you allow yourself to sit with that discomfort?

If this feels familiar, comment GUIDE to download my free guide “What’s Really Going On?” A Psychologist’s Guide to the Patterns Behind Your Pain.

Save as a reminder to pause before you jump into agreeing. And share with the people-pleaser in your life…

03/04/2026

Who else has loved watching The Other Bennet Sister? Mary’s struggle with feeling different, awkward, and on the outside resonates with what so many of us carry from childhood.

Mary’s story is a powerful mirror for the messages many of us absorb: that we are not good enough, too different, too much, too ordinary, or that we don’t truly belong. Early life criticisms seep into to our sense of self, shaping a blueprint of rejection and shame. Then life feels like an exercise in concealing our true defectiveness from the rest of the world.

People tell Mary she has changed. But what I noticed is not so much a change as a returning to authentic self. And isn’t that what true freedom looks like for all of us? Finding a way to step out of the patterns that stem from what has been projected onto us by others, and connecting with our real self. Loving who we love, wearing what we like, showing up without fear of criticism, and putting space between us and those who seek to keep us small.

So Mary, it has been a pleasure. Now go and live your life. I’m looking forward to reading your book 😉

18/03/2026

Have you ever noticed how a problem that felt impossible to think through and solve the night before feels clearer in the morning? Or after you’ve been for a walk, taken a break, or talked it through with someone who isn’t tied up in it?

When we’re in the middle of a hard moment, feeling flooded and overwhelmed, the part of our brain responsible for clear thinking, perspective, and problem-solving is offline. The threat system has taken over, and its only job is to protect you, not to help you think.

So when you pause, sleep, walk, breathe, or feel even briefly held by someone safe, your nervous system begins to settle. And when it settles, your prefrontal cortex comes back online. Suddenly you can see options. Suddenly there’s space.

This is why the advice to “just think it through” so often fails people who have lived with longer-term stress or trauma. It’s not that you’re not trying, or that if you just think about it for long enough the answer will appear. It’s that you’ve been attempting to solve from inside a survival response. And the brain in survival mode was never built for solving, it was built for getting through.

I use this mantra in my own life: Soothe before you solve.

If this resonates, save it for the moment you need it most. And if someone in your life is stuck in a loop right now, send it to them. Sometimes the most useful thing we can do for someone is show them that what’s happening inside them makes complete sense.

💬 What’s your version of this? What helps your nervous system settle before you try to solve?

Want to understand the patterns driving your pain? Comment GUIDE below and I’ll send you my free resource — “What’s Really Going On? A Psychologist’s Guide to the Patterns Behind Your Pain”

15/03/2026

Of all the people I sit alongside in therapy, the mothers leave the deepest impression on me. That includes the women who fought for motherhood and live with lifelong grief for a child they waited for but never met.

I have witnessed mothers walk into the hardest corners of human life: grief, fear, responsibility, and bear the weight of knowing this is for life, no matter what. I have seen mothers advocate, fight, and keep going, when every part of them is ready to crumble and collapse. Mothers encountering things that are painful, complex, and brutally unfair, and still finding a way to keep moving forward. Behind the tidy word mother sits some of the most unfiltered and uncompromising human experience there is.

Motherhood also asks something unexpected of women. Alongside caring for our children, it demands we tend to younger parts of ourselves too, whether we realise that or not. I remind my clients of that a lot. Don’t forget that other child in your care.

When I think about the woman I was when I first became a mother (that’s her in the photo!), I feel compassion for her. I wish I could sit beside her and tell her she has more strength, resilience and capacity than she can even imagine. That she can look to the women around her (not least those coming through the clinic door) who are fierce, intelligent, resourceful, gentle, and full of humour, and learn from the best.

To the women on the relentless journey of motherhood, thank you. I know this is not an easy day, for all kinds of reasons.

Go gently.

Remember you are the best of us.