11/05/2021
𝗦𝘂𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀
As a family we have had a lot happen in just a few years but the sudden death of my Nan in February this year has been especially tough.
My Nan was 76 years old, not young but also not actually old by today's standards. My Nan's mum (my Great Nan) is still alive at the impressive age of 101.
I lost my Grandpa (Pa) during Emmett's treatment in 2018 and I lost my Grandad in December 2019. I loved both Pa and my Grandad very much, they both meant a great deal to me, however their deaths were expected. My Grandad unfortunately had Lewy Body Dementia for many years and Pa had suffered with mixed dementia for a few years prior to his passing. Although very difficult seeing them experience this sad and wretched disease; it did mean that we had some time to prepare for the inevitable. We all got the opportunity to visit them in their final days and say goodbye. It was hard but it definitely helped with the grieving process. I didn't appreciate by how much, until I received that call from my brother on 12th February this year. I remember it clearly, in fact the conversation was one of the parts of this experience that haunted my thoughts for a while afterwards.
Ed called late at night. That's unusual, I knew I had to answer it.
He said "Nan has been rushed into hospital and it doesn't look good". Being in total denial that this could be in reference to my young, spritly Nan I recall responding with "Great Nan?". Ed said, "no, Nan". To clarify is asked "Nana?" (my other grandmother) And again Ed responded with "No, Nan". I was in shock. Not Nan, she's young, she's still got her mum, she was fine, she'll be okay. I got on my phone and sent her a text message telling her she was strong and she'd pull through... she didn't. Not long later Edward had the difficult task of calling Rebecca and I to tell us she had passed away. This was promptly followed by a message from my Mum that just read "she's gone". Two little words that absolutely broke me. Two short words that still break me.
Losing my Nan has felt so much harder than losing my Grandads. I never got that chance to say goodbye, have that final conversation, give her that final kiss and hug. In fact because of COVID, I can't even recall the last time I gave her a kiss and a cuddle. Because of COVID the last time I had seen her was stood several meters apart, on her doorstep, on Christmas Eve. I know I told her I love her that day, and I know I said it again on the telephone the following day. I only have to look back at my text messages to Nan to know that I regularly told her I loved her, and her to me too. She knew I thought she was wonderful but the opportunity to tell her one last time was stolen from us. And I really struggle with that.
I was close to my Nan. We've always lived nearby, I spent every Monday evening at her house as a child. Nan took me to many places including Bekonscott model village, The Lord Mayors show in London and Cadburys World to name just three. Nan taught me to knit and sew, she and I went bellringing together for several years. My very first job was a cleaning job that I did with my Nan. More recently we would meet regularly ay Bradmore Farm in Haddenham and have lunch or a coffee, go for local walks and do lots together with my kids (her Great Grandkids) who also thought she was fantastic. I have so many fond memories and happy times and looking back on them make me smile. But being so close to her makes that sudden removal of her from my life, even more difficult.
Since she passed, and during the time we have been sorting out her house, it's been clear to see how much her family meant to her. She has kept so much of sentimental value. From newspaper articles of her brother, to invitation acceptance cards to my mum and aunts weddings, from handmade cross-stiched cards from friends to daily diaries that she recorded all our meet ups in. Seeing the things I had sent her, melted me. She had kept letters I had written when I was six, letters I had sent from university, a teatowel with my drawing on from first school, cards Emmett had made, newspaper clippings of when Rebecca and I ran the Race For Life and when Emmett, Ida and I met Prince Harry. She kept them all.
I have found losing my Nan so very hard but for my mum especially, this must be significant harder still, as my mum was with my Nan. This is both a comfort to me; knowing my Mum was with my Nan in her last moments and my Nan was not alone but also a concern for me, as my Mum had to witness something so emotionally painful, on her own because of COVID.
When someone dies suddenly, you are left with so many more questions than if it was expected. For me the hardest of those questions has been, should she still be here? A question we will never know the answer to, but my gut says yes, she should. My Nan had spent her entire retired life caring for my Grandad. My Nan always said, do it now, whatever it is, because tomorrow isn't guaranteed. She is was right. Her and my Grandad had plans for their retirement, but my Grandads dementia put an end to all those plans and my selfless, never-complaining, Nan cared for him for well over a decade. When my Grandad moved into a home for his final couple of years, my Nan was diagnosed with cancer. She had extensive surgery and was her classic strong, no nonsense, taking it on head first style. As soon as she got the all clear, Emmett was diagnosed (literally the next day). Her cancer diagnosis hit me hard and tipped my mental health over the edge. Emmett's diagnosis hit her hard and she struggled initially to get her head around it, really questioning her faith in God.
Cancer stole some of her time but she beat it. The year following, Nan started trying to make up for lost time; she took up art doing a weekly Macmillian run art class and she was actually really good, she started doing more knitting again and catching up with her friends. A year on and she lost her husband whom she had married at the age of 18. Just three months later we were in lockdown. Nan found lockdown very boring and she couldn't wait to spend more time with her family again. In between lockdowns, we did manage to meet up a few times, going for walks together and meeting for coffee but we never got to have a cuddle.
She died in the middle of the night on 12th February following a heart attack and cardiac arrest.
Should she still be here? It brings forward an array of emotions including anger. Some initially felt a type of anger at Nan for not calling anyone when she first started feeling unwell, for the mistakes made in initial treatment. My anger is mostly at COVID-19 for stealing a year with my Nan, for taking away the opportunity to have more hugs and kisses, more of her company and that time just sitting with her.
There is guilt, so many people regretting the lack of contact, planning to call and not getting round to it.
Fear, that fear of losing someone else unexpectedly has put me on edge at times. I've lost so many and nearly lost my own son in the last few years that I am afraid of losing anyone else. Losing someone so suddenly is a reminder that life is short and fragile.
And naturally there has been a lot of upset, having so suddenly lost someone so dear to them.
Many of us still feel that, although we have now had Nan's funeral (which definitely aided the grieving process), something is still not finished. COVID meant that we could have just 16 people at Nan's funeral, but there are many more than 16 who wanted to say goodbye. Not being able to have a wake afterwards, left the funeral incomplete.
Nan appears in my dreams often, they're lovely dreams but they hurt when I wake. I still cannot believe she is gone and coming to terms with her loss will take a while yet. I have a very big Nan shaped hole in my heart. Nan's sudden loss brought about many emotions but one of those has been love. Love for my Nan, happy memories and learning just how sentimental she was. Love between family members, healing relationships by coming together to grieve. And a huge reminder that, as Nan has always said, never knowing what is round that corner, so take that trip, show those closest to you regularly how much you love them, be kind because people will remember your kindness and live your life because tomorrow isn't promised.
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This is my Nan's eulogy because I want everyone to know how great she was
Eulogy for Faith Audrey Newell
Faith was born on the 4th June 1944 to Audrey and William Harris in Watlington Cottage Hospital. At the time of her birth William (Bill), a cabinet maker by profession, was a prisoner of war. He was sent a telegram via the Red Cross to inform him he was a father. Faith lived in Bolter End before moving to Lane End. She was joined 8 years later by her younger brother Robin who she was frequently charged with looking after.
Faith went to school at Bartholomew Tipping School in Stokenchurch. Where she enjoyed and excelled in English and home economics (but hated the bottle green uniform). She would have dearly loved to have stayed on to take O’ levels, however this was not possible and instead Faith went to work as a Seamstress at Peatey Bros Furniture Factory in Lane End, where she met David in 1960.
Faith and David were married in 1962 until David’s death 57 years later. They brought a house together in Prestwood and Faith worked in an electroplating factory in Great Missenden. This is where she met one of her lifelong friends Ann Weedon. Faith met Brenda Rutland in 1960 in Lane End, they later became neighbours in Prestwood, and they remained close friends to the end. Zoë and Frances were born in 1963 and 1965. A couple of years later and due to long hours and hard work, they started -what turned out to be- a very successful upholstery business. Faith’s skills with a sewing machine extended to making clothes for Zoë and Frances who remember with humour their rather trendy hot pants.
Around this time they acquired some land and became pig farmers, there are many stories that could be told about this enterprise, but one that stands out is Faith’s run in with a large boar called Danny. As she was carrying a bale of hay Danny playfully ran at the bale but missed and gored Faith’s leg, leaving a large wound and subsequent scar to tell the tale.
Eric Cross, David’s Best Man and long-time family friend often helped Faith and David with the pigs Zoë and Frances have many happy memories of playing on the farm and helping with piglets, mucking out and getting stuck on the barbed wire of an electric fence.
Faith was a member of the church and a keen bell ringer from an early age. She became an accomplished bell ringer learning at Lane End church and ringing at Great Missenden, Little Missenden, and later at Cuddington and Dinton churches. She rang quarter peels and enjoyed bell ringing tours to other towers. She rang for numerous weddings, including for her granddaughter Rebecca’s wedding and enjoyed encouraging and mentoring beginners. She was tower captain at Dinton church for some years.
Faith was an animal lover, Zoë and Frances remember being brought up in a house that was never without a dog or cat and at times chickens.
Faith was very giving of her time encouraging Zoë and Frances to take up many hobbies and helping with a variety of community activities. She was a member of the Prestwood sports centre fundraising committee and supported David’s many community ventures by, for example washing football kits for the boys football team David managed and regularly making cricket teas for the team David played for. David’s love of horse racing meant that Faith was a regular attender of Ascot races and in particular enjoyed Ladies day. Faith and David regularly attended the Chelsea Flower Show, taking with them David’s mother Elizabeth. Amy, Faith’s oldest grandchild has happy memories of trips with her grandparents to watch the Lord Mayors show.
Due to their hard work Faith, David and their girls were able to take regular foreign holidays and in later years Faith, David travelled to Australia, Egypt and China.
Zoë and Frances remember their mother always smartly dressed whenever she went out with the obligatory application of lipstick before leaving home. Faith had a regular and unmovable hair appointment every Friday.
Faith loved to listen to the radio, Terry Wogan’s programme, gardener’s question time, the Archers, Women’s Hour and Bells on Sunday were particular favourites.
Faith had a strong work ethic, which she has instilled in her children.
Faith enjoyed knitting and sewing for her children and grandchildren. The grandchildren remember many a personalised jumper. Faith’s favourite foods included cheese, chocolate and salt and vinegar crisps. She was also a coffee connoisseur. Faith enjoyed baking, making a rather good fruit cake and many birthday cakes. She was also a very knowledgeable and keen gardener, one of her favourite flowers being the sweet pea which she enjoyed growing.
Faith loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren and was an excellent “baby whisperer”; being able to get babies to sleep when others could not. The grandchildren fondly remember the annual Easter egg hunt where they collected enough chocolate to keep them going for a few months!
David and Faith retired to Dinton in 1996, but their retirement was plagued by the onset of David’s ill health. In 2003 he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Faith’s unstinting care meant that it was not until 2016 that he was moved to a care home, when he required specialist dementia care. Faith rarely complained.
In 2018 Faith was floored firstly by her cancer diagnosis and then the diagnosis of cancer in Emmett, her 2 and a half year old great grandson. However in her usual feisty manner she met the challenges and made a full recovery. As part of her recovery she joined a cancer survivor’s art club and it transpired she was rather good! She was also a big part of the fundraising campaign that followed and a supporter of the family charity ‘Emmett’s Genies’.
Zoe and Frances completely agree with Faith’s niece, Paula, who said to us that we had the best parents ever.
Faiths Family and friends remember her as an independent, generous, creative, intelligent and loving mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, daughter and friend.
She leaves 2 children, 6 grandchildren, Amy, Edward, Rebecca, Chloe, Flora and Alexis and 4 great grandchildren, Emmett, Elsie, Clover and Ida; and her nearly 101 year old mother. Will we miss her………
