Green Oak Therapies

28/10/2025

I have now moved to Worting House, Basingstoke !!!
It is great to have my own rooms now. Come and visit me.

22/05/2025

We have probably all experienced shame at some point. It's an emotional response that tends to be felt physically before our brain even clocks what's going on.

Shame is a very different emotion from Guilt.
Guilt is "I did an awful thing", Shame is "I am an awful person"
Shame is first experienced (often when we are very small) when we do something wrong, and we are made to feel like it is who we are, not what we have done that is the problem. It is often accompanied by the punishment or ridicule of parents, teachers or peers, and can result in embarrassment and humiliation.

The problem is that if we experience that shame from others frequently enough, we begin to believe this message that there is something fundamentally wrong with who we are - and then in the cruelest twist of fate, we learn to shame ourselves. This cycle then reinforces itself every time we make a mistake whether it's at work, in relationships or social interactions

What's more - because these are the parts of ourselves that we believe are awful, and we don't want others to see them, we keep them hidden to protect ourselves from how others would respond. Shame is the vampire of emotions - it likes to live in the dark, keep you prisoner, and drain you.

But there is hope. It is absolutely possible to heal from shame - but it is tremendously hard, because it requires you to do the one thing all your instincts are telling you not to - which is to shed light on it - bring the vampire out into the open and watch it dissolve.
It's hard because you have to be vulnerable enough to show someone those bits of you you fear others will judge you for - which is why picking the right person for this process is so key. The person who helps you heal from shame will listen to you, will not judge you, and will offer you compassion. Shame fundamentally CANNOT survive empathy.

Even when we have made mistakes, said things we don't mean, or done things we aren't proud of, it doesn't generally mean we are awful people. You might have made an unkind remark in a moment of frustration, but that doesn't mean you are unkind. There will have been many other times you have said kind things - often to the same person!

This isn't an excuse to go around treating people badly, but when you do screw up (to err is human!) and you get that uncomfortable physical response, here's what you can do:

Separate what you did from who you are as a person.
Offer yourself compassion.
Recognising where you went wrong and offer yourself empathy as to why
Make amends
Learn from it without punishing yourself.

The more you do it, the easier it gets and the less the cycle reinforces itself. If you need support or help with this process, please get in touch.
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

22/05/2025

Join the Accredited Register A Society Registrant is listed publicly on our website and is recorded as a Registrant in our Accredited Register. The Society allows Registrants to progress through different levels of membership depending upon qualifications and experience, but all Registrants have…

22/05/2025

"This , take time to think about what you need from a community, what you can offer to a community, and go find your tribes (it is absolutely fine to have more than one) and build connection. When community thrives, everyone does"

Sharon May has written a guest blog for the FCN website about the strength of community, aligned with this year's Mental Health Awareness Week theme: https://fcn.org.uk/blog/2025/05/13/mental-health-awareness-week-finding-strength-in-community/

Sharon is the recipient of FCN / Len’s Light Nuffield Farming Scholarship, and is studying the topic 'No farmer is an island - Supporting the Mental Health of Farm Families'.

The Scholarship is inspired by Warwickshire farmers Andy and Lynda Eadon and their LEN'S LIGHT campaign, reminding us all that we are never alone.

Read more about Sharon's research here: https://www.nuffieldscholar.org/scholars/2025/sharon-may

22/05/2025

My new blog on managing anger. Please have a read.



https://greenoaktherapies.co.uk/how-can-i-manage-my-anger/

09/05/2025

It is Grief Awareness Week this week, and so I thought I would write a blog about grief. Please click the link to read.

04/04/2025

03/04/2025

03/04/2025

Is your friend secretly a frenemy? Find out!
Read More Here... https://themindsjournal.com/signs-someone-is-pretending-to-be-your-friend/

03/04/2025

Many adults go through life feeling ‘different’ without knowing why — until they receive a late diagnosis of ADHD. This is often triggered by major life changes such as having children, experiencing grief, facing work challenges or for women, the perimenopause. The diagnosis can bring a mix of relief and frustration. You may find yourself rethinking past struggles, wondering how things might have been different or feeling unsure where to start now.

The good news? It’s never too late to understand your brain and develop strategies that work for YOU. Counselling and coaching can support you in building self-acceptance, managing overwhelm and improving daily life.

If you’re navigating life post-diagnosis, Changes4Life is here to support you with our dedicated ADHD services.

ADHD counselling and coaching cater to different needs. Counselling deals with the emotional and psychological impacts of ADHD, helping individuals understand and manage their condition through exploration of thoughts and behaviours. In contrast, ADHD coaching is action-oriented, focusing on practical strategies like time management and organisation to manage daily tasks and achieve specific goals.

Contact us to find out how we can help you on your journey. Sessions are available in person at our clinic in Reading or online for your convenience.

You’ll find the link to book a free discovery call in our bio.