17/06/2021
‼️Fourth Trimester Survived‼️ It’s been a while since i posted and 12 whole weeks since my baby boy arrived Earth side 🌎 This is a picture of me in a Bengkung, a traditional Malaysian bind to comfort, support and bring your healing body back together in the days and weeks after birth.
For me the Fourth Trimester has been the hardest thing i’ve ever done and I wanted to share my experience. Not to scare those of you who might read it and are pregnant but more so that if you find yourself struggling, like I did, then you know you’re not alone. At times I felt like a failure and now that I look at my smiling, happy boy it’s hard to fathom why i thought that, but I did.
I suffered for those first few months with really, really intense anxiety. My body would tingle, my heart race, I had insomnia (ironic!), a few small panic attacks and a lot of tears. I was prescribed anti-anxiety medicine but my body was allergic and it went into overdrive meaning I was even worse off than before with my whole body zinging and there being no chance of sleep until the medication wore off. I used guided meditation, yoga nidras and audiobooks to try and switch my mind off but the sleep deprivation and maternal insticts of needing to constantly breastfeed made it a very hard task to switch off. I felt like a total failure and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t cope when everyone else seems to cope just fine. But then one day, it all finally clicked. He began sleeping a lot more and we began to understand him a lot more. And now I finally feel like me again, with addition of this beautiful boy who I love with all my heart and who has completed our little family ❤️
So just to say a HUGE thank you to all those that sent me supportive messages, listened to my babbling voice notes, picked up the phone to me or visited me when I was utterly miserable and made me feel like I was supported and loved by so many of you. You’re all superstars ✨ and you make my world a magical place to be.
And if you’re reading this and in the thick of it and beating yourself up - know that brighter days will come. Promise.X
