19/01/2026
Abuse isn’t one-size-fits-all. It comes in many forms, and not all of them are obvious.
Many people don’t realise they’re experiencing abuse because it doesn’t always look like shouting or physical harm. Often, it’s about power, control, and erosion of self-worth over time.
Here are some common patterns of abusive behaviour that often go unnamed:
The Bully
Uses shouting, threats, intimidation, or explosive anger. You may feel on edge, scared of triggering them, or responsible for keeping things calm.
The Controller
Wants to know where you are, who you’re with, what you wear, and what you say. You may slowly change your behaviour to avoid conflict, until your life feels smaller.
The Entitled One
Believes their needs always come first. Becomes offended or angry when you ask for respect. They act as though they deserve more than you.
The Victim
Blames others for their behaviour and avoids responsibility. Uses guilt, blame, or emotional manipulation to pull you back in.
The Charm Switcher
Appears kind, loving, and pleasant to others, but is cold, cruel, or dismissive in private. This can leave you feeling confused and unseen.
The Romantic Pressure Builder
Rushes intimacy, commitment, or dependency early on. Intense affection feels flattering at first, but is often used to gain control before trust has truly formed.
The Rescuer
Offers help and support, then starts making decisions for you. Expects loyalty, gratitude, or obedience in return. Support becomes a tool for power.
The Punisher
Uses silence, withdrawal, anger, or emotional distance as punishment. You may feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” to avoid setting them off.
The Possessive One
Displays jealousy disguised as love. Monitors your phone, questions your relationships, or demands constant reassurance and access to you.
The Rule Maker
Imposes strict rules around money, chores, friendships, or behaviour. Nothing ever feels good enough, and the rules often change.
The Mind Twister
Denies events, twists conversations, or blames you for their actions. Over time, you may start doubting your own memory, instincts, or reality.
The Financial Holder
Controls access to money, tracks spending, or makes financial decisions for you. This creates dependency and limits your ability to leave.
The Image Protector
Appears perfect to the outside world while criticising, controlling, or harming you in private. Their reputation matters more than your wellbeing.
If any of this resonates, please know:
Abuse can be subtle and still deeply harmful
You don’t have to experience all of these for it to be abuse
Struggling to name it doesn’t mean it isn’t real
It is not your fault
Healing often begins with understanding and being believed.
If you’d like a safe, confidential space to explore your experiences without judgement, I’m here. We can go at your pace, with care and compassion.
You deserve safety, clarity, and respect. 🤍
