03/12/2025
💛 When a Loved One Refuses Help or Starts Self-Neglecting 💛
(And what you can do that actually helps)
Watching someone you love struggle whether due to an injury, new diagnosis, memory loss or simply advancing age, can be heartbreaking. What’s even harder is when they refuse help, push you away, or insist they’re “fine”… even when they’re not.
If you’re going through this, you’re definitely not alone. Here are some gentle, realistic steps that can make a difference:
🌼 1. Start with empathy, not instructions
Telling someone what they “should” do often makes them shut down.
Try: “I’ve noticed you seem tired lately. How are you feeling about everything?”
Sometimes the conversation opens up slowly , and that’s okay.
🌼 2. Focus on feelings, not tasks
Refusing help often isn’t about the washing, meals or medication… it’s about fear, pride, loss of independence, or worry about being a burden.
Reassurance goes a long way.
🌼 3. Offer choices, not ultimatums
People respond better when they still feel in control.
Try offering two gentle options:
“Would you prefer someone to help with meals or with getting out and about?”
🌼 4. Introduce help gradually
A 2-hour companionship visit once a week can feel far less overwhelming than daily care straight away.
Let them “try it out” rather than commit long-term.
🌼 5. Use the power of third parties
It’s often easier for loved ones to accept help from someone who isn’t family.
Family = emotions
Companions/carers = support
The dynamic simply feels safer for many people.
🌼 6. Watch for signs of risk
These are gentle red flags that someone may need more support:
• Not eating properly
• Poor hygiene
• Isolation
• Missed medication
• Falls or near-falls
• Confusion or forgetfulness that’s getting worse
• Withdrawn, low mood, or anxiety
If these are happening, it’s okay to seek advice from a GP, social worker or dementia specialist.
🌼 7. Reassure them that accepting help doesn’t mean losing independence
It’s not a failure.
It’s not “giving up.”
It’s just support, like scaffolding, that helps them keep living life the way they want.
🌼 8. Look after yourself too
Guilt and worry can eat away at family members.
Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Reaching out for help is a sign of love, not weakness.
💛 If you’re struggling with this right now, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Sometimes a friendly companion for a couple of hours a week can be the bridge between “I don’t want help” and “this actually feels okay.”
If you’d like advice or just want to talk it through, feel free to message us, we’re here to support you and your loved one. 🌿
