21/10/2025
Unexpected triggers in grief - even years later. They are those moments when everything seems okay and then suddenly, something small catches you off guard and completely knocks you for six.
It’s rarely the big anniversaries or birthdays that do that, it’s the little things. Literally, anything at all can open that door unexpectedly.
I thought I’d share some of my own triggers today. Maybe it’ll help you realise that you’re not alone. Such moments, however small, can hold so much meaning.
đź’ś The smell of apple pie cooking takes me straight back to my grandma Nellie.
💜 The song “The Last Farewell” reminds me of my granddad Harry.
đź’ś The colour red, or the smell of Tweed perfume, or even a jar of thick shred cut marmalade, brings back my grandma Sadie.
đź’ś The Grand National reminds me of my grandad Wally.
đź’ś A purple gladioli reminds me of my friend Simon.
💜 The songs “Hey Brother” by Avicii and “Dancing Queen” by ABBA remind me of my friend Nicky.
đź’ś Sunflowers will always be for my friend Stella.
💜 The songs “An American Trilogy,” “If I Can Dream,” and “Suspicious Minds” bring back my friend Ray.
💜 The first firework I see in November always reminds me of my snowdrop — the little one who never walked this earth.
💜 The phrase “quite right” takes me to my friend Cleggy.
đź’ś Gooseberries make me think of my great-uncle Mick.
💜 And the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone” that one belongs to my great-aunt Lil, who introduced me to Liverpool Football Club, and reminds me of her brothers, my great-uncles Stan, Bill, and Gordon.
It’s not an exhaustive list, but it shows how rich and varied our triggers can be.
A single moment can carry us back to another time, another place. It is perfectly ok, because those memories matter. Those people matter and they deserve to be remembered. For as long as we remember them, they’re still with us.
Still, yes it can be uncomfortable when those triggers strike and grief touches us unexpectedly.
Draw comfort each moment is, as such, like an echo of the people who were part of the rich tapestry of our life, many shaped us and deserve to live on in those small unexpected moments we remember regardless of how many years have passed.
Maybe you would like to share a personal trigger đź’ś
