The Not So Fertile Psychologist, Chichester (2026)

Supporting women & couples to find balance on the rollercoaster of infertility💗

10+ years as a psychologist
3+ years of my own secondary infertility journey🍍

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01/05/2026

This week I’ve talked a lot about the weight of fertility decision-making, and why your brain finds it so hard.

Today I want to talk about something that might help.

To be clear, this is not a “fix”. Nothing can completely get rid of the pressure of decision making on this journey.

It’s just a few things that I have seen genuinely help people in my therapy room, and that I have used myself.

First, give yourself a research limit.

This isn’t because the information isn’t useful, it’s because there is a point at which more information stops helping and starts feeding the anxiety. Noticing when you’ve hit that point, perhaps around the time you are gaining nothing new from each search, and giving yourself permission to stop there. This is an act of self-compassion, not avoidance.

Remind yourself “I don’t have to decide today.”

So many fertility decisions feel urgent, perhaps more urgent than is actually the case. Unless there is a genuine clinical deadline, it is okay to let a decision rest for a day or two. Sometimes more clarity comes from a bit of rest.

Ask yourself what you need to feel okay with your choice, rather than certain.

Certainty is rarely possible on this journey but feeling okay, that you’ve gathered as much information as you reasonably can, that you’ve listened to yourself as well as the experts, is achievable.

Don’t hold it all alone.

A partner, family, a friend who gets it, can help. Decisions made in isolation, under stress, are particularly hard and you don’t have to figure this out alone.

Two things can be true: there may be no perfect answer AND you are still capable of making a good enough choice. That is enough.

Follow me here for more and subscribe to my FREE newsletter, Beyond the Wait, by replying SUPPORT below. This is where I go much deeper into navigating the harder parts of this journey.

You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone. 💕

30/04/2026

If fertility decisions feel paralysing right now, I want to explain what’s actually happening, because it makes complete sense.

When we make decisions under chronic stress, our brain’s threat system is permanently activated.

The part of your brain responsible for clear thinking, weighing options, and feeling confident in choices becomes much harder to access when you are exhausted, grieving, and frightened about the future.

There is a biological reason why this is so hard. It’s not your fault.

And the complexity of infertility makes decision-making even harder.

Every choice has a massive emotional weight, the stakes are impossibly high, and there is rarely a clear “right” answer (only options with different risks, different costs, and different unknowns).

And you are often making these decisions whilst experiencing grief that hasn’t been acknowledged or processed.

There’s also something called decision fatigue. This is when, the more decisions we make, the harder each subsequent one becomes.

On a fertility journey you are making hugely difficult decisions constantly, often with little time to recover between them.

So, when you find yourself unable to decide, when you’ve read every forum and still feel no clearer, or when you know all the information and still feel paralysed, this is why.

Your brain is doing exactly what a brain under prolonged stress does.

It’s not your fault, it’s the reality of navigating grief and uncertainty at the same time.

My next post will share a gentle framework for making decisions when you’re running on empty - follow along to see what it involves.

And subscribe to my FREE newsletter Beyond the Wait by replying SUPPORT below.

You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone. 💕

28/04/2026

The injections, the appointments, the two-week waits are the parts of infertility people know about.

But there are parts of the journey that can feel impossible to explain fully.

On top of everything you’re already carrying emotionally, you are also expected to become an expert.

You have to research protocols, clinics, success rates and statistics.

You have to work out what tests are worth the money, and which are a marketing con.

You have to assess whether to put full trust in your consultant or to seek second opinions.

You have to decide whether to try one more round or to consider a different path.

And you have to do all of this whilst weighing up the impact of these choices on your finances, and on your own mental health.

And every single decision feels enormous. Because it is.

Because these are huge decisions at the best of times, but you are also navigating them whilst experiencing grief, and often trauma.

You are exhausted, and are still processing the fact that this hasn’t all just worked out as you hoped.

The pressure to make the “right” choice is massive when the stakes are so high. And when you’re this shattered, even the smallest decisions feel impossible, let alone the ones that feel life changing.

If you are overwhelmed by information, paralysed by options and terrified of getting it wrong right now, I want you to know that what you’re feeling makes complete sense.

You are not failing at this. You are carrying an almost impossible amount and doing it anyway.

That deserves to be named.

Follow along this week as I go deeper into the psychology behind this, and why it’s so much harder than anyone tells you.

Subscribe to my FREE newsletter Beyond the Wait by replying SUPPORT below.

You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone. 💕

14/04/2026

Ever wondered what to say to someone going through fertility struggles?

Infertility can be so isolating.

Well-meaning comments often land wrong, leaving everyone feeling worse.

So, I asked the fertility community what they ACTUALLY want to hear from the people who support them.

Their answers were incredibly insightful.

What stood out most is that people don’t expect their loved ones to have magic words or solutions.

They simply want acknowledgment, compassion, and genuine support.

The most meaningful responses:

• Validate the struggle without minimising it
• Offer specific help rather than vague support
• Ask questions instead of giving advice
• Express a willingness to learn and understand
• Acknowledge you don’t have to “fix” their pain
• Show up consistently with small gestures
(like a simple heart emoji)

No one wanted to hear “just relax,” “at least you can get pregnant,” “my cousin tried for years and then adopted and got pregnant right after,” or “have you tried...?”

Supporting someone through infertility isn’t about having answers or even the “perfect” words. It’s about creating space for their feelings, checking in regularly, and being present without judgment.

Most importantly, it’s about listening more than you speak.

If you want to be a better at supporting someone, save these slides.

And if you’re on this journey yourself, share this with the people in your life who genuinely want to help but might not know how.

- Share this post as widely as possible so more people can get the support they need during this journey

Remember: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and with the right support, you don’t have to face it alone.

Address

Chichester

Website

http://www.hopeinmindpsychology.com/

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