12/05/2020
A ā Z of keeping your sanity ā Letter P
Iāve had to do a written entry today as Iām losing my voice.
Today weāre going for the letter P for Perceptual Positions. This is a technique we use a lot in NLP as itās a great tool to give us the opportunity to view a situation from a different perspective.
For example, letās imagine youāve had an argument with your other half, the chances are youāre sticking to your guns and in your head your chuntering to yourself about why he canāt understand what youāre saying and why he doesnāt agree with you. Heās probably gone into the garden saying the same things to himself. The problem is, all the time we look at things through our filter, using our beliefs, values, rules etc. we might get an idea of what someone else thinks or feels but we will not really understand it. What we need to do instead is to put ourselves in a position where we are channelling their life filters. We need to āstep into their shoesā, completely seeing something from their perspective, based on their own life history.
Another example, when my dad had to go into a specialist care home, I saw a completely different side to my Mum. She stopped doing things she was more than capable of and became quite āhelplessā. As someone who has spent a good portion of my life sorting myself out, I couldnāt understand this behaviour and became quite cross. Then I took some time to step into Mumās shoes. I imagined if I were her: Iād moved in with my husband at 21 years of age, my husband is a very practical man, can turn his hand to anything that needs building, fixing, sorting. I have the type of relationship where the man takes charge of most things. Iām religious and believe in all things to do with the sanctity of marriage and staying together forever. I have spent practically every day and night with the same person by my side for over 50 years. Doesnāt that put a whole different spin on it?
In my own shoes, I have no perception of this, I couldnāt even come close to imagining it, but as soon as I completely immerse myself in ābeingā my mum, I get a really clear idea. My initial irritation was replaced by empathy for her situation and ideas on how to support her through this transition.
We can also use this technique on a timeline. For example, if I stood in the shoes of my younger self, what would she say about my current life. Would she be proud of the way Iām dealing with things or would she want to remind me of the things Iāve forgotten along the way? What about my future self, what might the Debbie of December 2020 say about how I have handled the current situation? It can be a great check to see if thereās anything youād like to be doing differently.
The key to this technique is not about pondering what you might want to do differently or thinking about what someone else might want. Itās to mentally transport yourself into their shoes so you can, without judgement or filter, identify someone elseās thoughts, feelings and actions.
Have a great day. Hopefully my voice will be back to normal tomorrow and I can return to video.
