The Hope Room

01/01/2025

It's a new year!

I was reflecting about how I feel about this coming year, and I have to admit there was a lot of heaviness in my reflection. I was pondering what I do with that.

I made myself dwell on some struggles that some people may have, that I don't have.

I know it's ok to feel and process my sadness, but I also know it's important to keep things in perspective and appreciate what I do have.

I decided to write a quick list, not thinking too much about it, filling two columns of A4 lined paper, of different struggles people may have (I'll share it below).

Whilst I could claim having some of these struggles, there's certainly a massive amount I don't have. For that I am grateful.

So, if you, like me, need a bit of help to keep things in perspective this morning, and want to be grateful for not having certain struggles, have a read through my thrown together, incomplete list.

Feel free to add your own too.' I'm grateful I'm not struggling with......... '.

😞Loneliness 😞 Financial problems 😞Bad accommodation 😞Poor health 😞A difficulty in a relationship 😞Loss 😞Not having people to do things with 😞Past trauma 😞Abuse (of any kind) 😞Regret 😞Disappointment 😞Guilt 😞Feeling uncared for/unsupported/unloved 😞Not being able to afford to do the things I want to/need to do 😞Feeling trapped 😞Being unhappy in my job or not having one 😞Broken trust 😞Lack of purpose 😞Things around my sexuality or identity 😞My faith/lack of faith 😞Disability 😞The challenges that come with neuro-divergence 😞Hopelessness 😞Feeling limited 😞Grief 😞Difficult circumstances of any kind 😞Shame 😞Feeling ill equipped 😞Confusion 😞Feeling lost 😞Transport problems 😞Feeling uncertain of who I am 😞Things going wrong/breaking 😞Having no peace 😞Feeling squashed or crushed 😞Things beyond my control 😞Pain (physical, mental and/or emotional) 😞A relationship break-up 😞Rejection or abandonment 😞Having had something stolen 😞Being overwhelmed 😞Crippling anxiety 😞Having to wait 😞Not having something I long for 😞Doubts or questioning things 😞The pain of failure 😞Having put on or lost weight in an unwanted way 😞Being scared 😞Intrusive thoughts 😞Lack of time, space or opportunity 😞Feeling not enough 😞Everything feeling a struggle 😞Being bored 😞Not being able to find joy in things 😞Having missed out on something 😞Uncertainty of a way forward 😞Lack of motivation 😞Having no plans 😞Not feeling accepted/acceptable 😞Feeling stuck 😞Being directionless 😞Poverty 😞Disliking my appearance

That was my 2 columns worth, but more and more keep popping into my mind. The list could be endless I guess.

What a difficult world we live in.

Let's keep being kind and looking after one another.

Let's know we're not alone in our struggle. It may be with different things, but everyone suffers in one way or another.

Let's keep things in perspective and let's be grateful.

May you know strength for this coming year, and many positive things in it to. Whether they just happen or you consciously make them happen, enjoy each good thing, however small.

01/02/2024

Yay, go us!!!!!!
I love it as it gets lighter.

14/01/2024

A quick blog (2-3 minute read) sharing some of my ponderings that fuel hope in me, and hopefully will you too.

I often think that hope is one of the most powerful forces on earth. Something I like to ponder, that gives me hope, is that there are good things that are going to come into our lives that we have no idea about at the moment. At the end of the year I always look back through my year: things I've do...

28/11/2023

I seem to have sent this client to sleep 🤣

23/11/2023

I think I'm fairly confident in what my strengths are, but I just had a go at this strengths profile and found the results interesting and insightful. I've shared the link in case anyone else wants a try.

When we are familiar to what our strengths are we can play to those strengths and feel a lot more fulfilled and confident.

It's a way of nurturing our self-esteem if it could do with a boost.

Pushing ourself out of our comfort zone and learning new things can be great. But sometimes, just quietly developing what we are already good at is really worthwhile too.

How easy would you find it to list your strengths?

You must be 13 years or older to register for an account. Children under 13 must have an adult register here or the adult may sign in for the child to take the VIA Youth Survey on their account.

21/11/2023

Following on from my previous post and such an interesting thought. I need to ponder this one some more.

I can think of ways I've done this in the past. Turning my frustration on myself and feeling so bad about myself for not being about to cope with things, when actually what I was feeling was perfectly valid and so was my anger at the wrongness, but that was too big a thing and costly to tackle.

Can you think of times you've done this?

21/11/2023

One of the common things we do as humans is to blame ourselves for things.

Children in particular will interpret themselves as being the problem rather than grasping the fact that they have been let down by a key caregiver.

It somehow feels safer, less painful, and the logical conclusion to come to.

This then affects how we view ourselves for the rest of our lives.

It comes up again and again in the counselling room, especially as I work with a lot of people with low self-esteem.

Inside I'm crying out ' What!!!!! That wasn't your fault, that wasn't on you, that's so unfair that you see yourself like that'.

But I also know how resourceful it was/is, how clever and creative. How in many ways it has been a form of protection and a safer way to view the world and relationships.

I'm just doing some great training on shame by Carolyn Spring. Here's a couple of quotes from her:

'Shame, in it's own warped way, is trying to protect me...it was lying to me for my own protection...it's done for a purpose.....shame lies.'

She writes of herself:

'Your shame kept you alive. You can't afford to hate the people who hurt you, so you had to hate yourself. When your needs weren't met, you couldn't afford to get angry that they weren't being met, so you conclude that you were wrong to have needs instead. Your shame prevented an uprising'.

It gets to the point, where we are in a safer place to revisit those experiences and conclusions we came to, and can risk exploring them and viewing them in a different way. Viewing ourselves in a different way. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge what happened and grieve what we didn't receive and what we've lost.

This can be a painful process, but also incredibly healing and restorative. It can lead to a healthier, brighter future.

Just a few of my random thoughts on a chilly Tuesday morning.

31/10/2023

With the news being so destressing at the moment, this quote often comes to mind as I watch it.
There are so many truly inspiring people everywhere, in every situation. It fuels hope and hope is one of the most powerful forces on earth.

25/10/2023

My last 13 posts have been looking at some of the benefits of counselling. Here's the summary:

- Having someone alongside you helping you explore thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
- Experimenting with saying things you'd never normally dare verbalise.
- It's confidential.
- Practicing verbalising things.
- It's an hour just for you.
- Not worrying about upsetting someone you love.
- Your counsellor doesn't know anyone you're talking about.
- It's a non-judgemental space.
- It's great to be heard.
- Hearing things reflected back can be insightful.
- It's a signal to yourself and others that you are worth it.
- Finding the authentic you.
- Denying or supressing emotions can be damaging.

See precious posts for the more detailed explanations.

Is this an investment that might be beneficial to you?

There are loads of counsellors out that that would love to walk with you on your personal journey. A quick Google search will help you find ones local to you or that specialise in an area that would be helpful to you.

I am one of them and my name is Ruth. Here's my website if you'd like to be in touch: https://www.thehoperoom.co.uk/

23/10/2023

The benefits of counselling:

Number 13 (out of 13): Denying or supressing emotions can be damaging!

Suppressed emotions have a way of catching up with us one way or another.

If they can't be acknowledged and dealt with in a healthy way they'll find another way out.

A last resort might be through your body with physical ailments, migraines or gut problems being a couple of examples. Becoming numb to negative feelings can mean your ability to feel positive emotions is impaired too, alongside protecting you from the difficult bits.

Our emotions have a lot to say to us. We are really missing out if we choose to ignore them. I've done a whole blog on this is you're interested: link in the comments.

Acknowledging emotions can be overwhelming, but counselling should be a space where they can can be experienced in a safe, contained way.

Working with your emotions and listening to what they are trying to show you is part of the journey of self-awareness, finding your authentic self and living a life that you are happy with.

Worthy rewards, I'd say!

21/10/2023

The benefits of counselling:
Number 12 (out of 13): Finding the authentic you!
Giving time to explore thoughts, feelings, experiences and behaviours; to sit with the uncomfortable; to look at what's going on for you, to process events; to share with another person; to peel back the layers; to acknowledge difficult things, examining yourself and your responses.
These are all part of growing in self-awareness and understanding.
They are part of the journey towards authenticity.
Lack of authenticity can lead to anxiety and depression.

20/10/2023

The benefits of counselling:

Number 11 (out of 13): It's a signal to yourself and others that you're worth it!

Counselling is an investment.

An investment into yourself which will have an knock-on effect in your relationships, work, family, self-care and future.

It's a nod to yourself that you're worth the time and money. That your relationships are worthy of having a more healthy, healed, authentic you.

When we value ourselves, others will follow suit and value us to. And if they don't, that says a lot about them, which is worth reflecting on.