12/07/2025
Should I view the body of my deceased loved one?
This is a very personal decision, and your choice may be influenced by the circumstances of their death. It will be your final chance to see them in this life, but do you want that image to be your last one?
I remember as a teenager, my parents were close to an elderly couple, the wife died suddenly, and her husband was asked if he would like to see her body. He was firm in his response, “no, I want to remember her as she was on our wedding day.”
In modern life in the UK, most people rarely see a dead body. The idea of an open casket funeral isn’t common, and many churches and crematoria specifically forbid it. Even HM Queen Elizabeth II was in a closed coffin for her lying in state.
In the past, it was usual practice for the dead to be laid out in their coffin at home before the funeral, with family and friends keeping ‘watch,’ and paying their last respects. It’s where the term ‘funeral wake’ comes from. There was little choice for family members about taking part in this ritual. My Mother recalled her brother, who was five years older than her, but still only around eleven, having to go and see their Grandfather in his coffin in the front room. Apparently it had quite a bad effect on him. My Mum was always grateful that as a girl, and younger, she hadn’t been involved in this tradition.
Like many people today, at 40 I had never seen a dead body. When my husband died in 2011, I chose to see him in the hospital, prayers were said for him by a priest and a nun. It felt comforting to be with him.
A week later, at the Funeral Home, I went to visit him in the Chapel of Rest. In my mind I was going to say some prayers and sit quietly with him, but it wasn’t like that. As soon as they opened the door to the Chapel, I saw his face from a distance and completely fell to pieces. It was only at that moment I truly understood that he was gone – his spirit, soul, whatever you want to call it, had left him. This was just the shell I was viewing. I couldn’t go into the room, despite coaxing from well-meaning people who told me I would regret it. The undertakers were wonderful, I’d foolishly gone on my own, not considering how I might react. One of the employees took me home and stayed with me until I was calmer.
In contrast, for my husband’s Brother and my Sister, when they visited Dan, I believe it was a meaningful opportunity for them to say goodbye.
Mum passed in 2020, and I was with her at the MacMillan Unit. When the question came up about seeing her later in the Funeral Home, I was certain it wasn’t right for me. My Dad and Sister went, and told me she looked “beautiful.” It was important for them to have that time with her and I’m pleased they were able to have that experience.
If or when you are in this situation, I’d encourage you to think carefully and make the right decision for you, it will be your last memory of your loved one – so don’t be pushed into the wrong choice either way.
🙏
