08/04/2026
Time outs don’t teach kids the lesson many adults think they do.
What they actually teach is this … when your emotions get too big for us, we send you away.
There is this idea that the child is sitting there reflecting on whatever ‘behaviour’ happened. That they will remember how this time out felt and magically never repeat it again.
But that is not what’s going on!!
Their emotional brain is overwhelmed and looking for safety and connection so they can settle.
Reflection isn’t happening.
Regulation isn’t happening.
They are just alone with big feelings and no support.
Then comes the apology part.
It is expected, because of course after all that supposed time to think, the child should be ready to apologise neatly.
Except the apology isn’t coming from understanding.
It is coming from power, control, and fear held by the adult.
The child isn’t learning - they are complying.
More and more people are acknowledging the nervous system and the neuroscience of emotions, and are finally breaking this time out cycle.
Kids don’t need to be pushed away for having emotions and the behaviour that may follow.
They need someone who stays with them until they feel grounded again.
This is our role .. not that naughty step!!
