State of Mind Counselling

08/03/2025

Have you experienced sexual violence?

Are you uncertain whether what happened to you qualifies as sexual violence and need someone who can help clarify your experience in a way you can understand?

Do you seek a non-judgmental space where you can have an open conversation with someone who truly listens?

Join Lobna and Rabiya, in a safe and supportive environment, where they can provide the assistance you need or simply offer a compassionate ear to remind you that you matter and you are not alone.

15/01/2025

Kent and Medway Men’s Independent Domestic Abuse Advice Service (MIDAAS) - https://www.lookahead.org.uk/male-domestic-abuse-advise-service/

Today we celebrate International Men's Day, and appreciate men and the contribution they make to society. We spoke to staff from our male domestic abuse serv...

22/07/2024

Embracing the Struggle: Lessons in Resilience and Growth

Watching in Margate this weekend, we are reminded that in the raw, pulsating world of IDLES' music, we find a powerful message about mental health and personal growth. As Joe Talbot, the band's frontman, reminds us, life's challenges are not just obstacles to overcome, but opportunities for transformation.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable
At the heart of healing lies vulnerability. It's easy to build walls, to hide our pain behind a facade of strength. But true strength, as IDLES' lyrics often suggest, comes from openness. In the words of renowned therapist Brené Brown, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."

Embracing the Darkness
Grief, anger, sadness - these emotions are not enemies to be vanquished, but vital parts of our human experience. As Talbot candidly shares about his own loss, "You're supposed to be sad, so feel sad. Don't apologise to yourself or anyone else for feeling sad, or down, or angry." This echoes the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which teaches us to accept our thoughts and feelings rather than fighting them.

Breaking the Cycle
Many of us find ourselves trapped in cycles of behavior that no longer serve us. Whether it's substance use, negative self-talk, or harmful relationships, recognising these patterns is the first step towards change. Therapy teaches us that by compassionately connecting with our struggles, accepting our true selves, examining our thoughts and our behaviours, we can break free from these cycles.

The Power of Connection
In an age where technology often leaves us feeling more isolated than ever, IDLES remind us of the vital importance of human connection. Their AF GANG community is a testament to the healing power of belonging. As social psychologist Matthew Lieberman argues, our need to connect is as fundamental as our need for food and water.

Cultivating Joy as Resistance
In a world that often seems designed to wear us down, finding joy can be a revolutionary act. This doesn't mean forced positivity or ignoring real problems. Instead, it's about finding moments of light even in the darkest times. It's about creating art, building communities, and loving fiercely in the face of adversity.

The Journey Forward
Healing isn't a destination; it's a journey. It's about progress, not perfection. As we navigate our mental health, let's remember to be patient with ourselves, to seek help when we need it, and to keep moving forward, even when the path seems unclear.

In the end, as IDLES' music reminds us, we're all in this together. By sharing our stories, embracing our struggles, and supporting each other, we can create a world where mental health is not a source of shame, but a shared human experience that connects us all.

Remember, in the words of Joe Talbot, "All is love."

04/05/2024

“In a time when the concept of humanity dies, animals lead us to the principles of humanity”

by photographer Anil Prabhakar

14/04/2024

12/04/2024

25/03/2024

Four years ago, our world transformed as lockdowns upended our routines. Fear seeped in as daily death tolls mounted in the battle against an invisible threat. The simple act of breathing became precious, reminding us of life's fragility.

We navigated immense loss, mourning loved ones torn away. Amidst the pain, grief became a shared language, as we navigated an emotional rollercoaster.
For some of us, creativity bloomed as we sought solace and meaning, holding onto any sense of normalcy possible.

Transformation redefined safety - masking up yet also nurturing emotional connections across physical distances.

For many, the journey of healing goes on. The hard times we went through left deep marks. As we come out of this shared intense experience, let's make room for those still recovering from big losses and unseen hurts.

Our resilient story celebrates strength but also recognises the pain that remains. By going through this together with understanding and caring, we can find courage in what makes us all human and hope in every breath.

We're a tapestry woven across borders and screens - survivors whose breath now echoes with hard-won hope.

As we step into the future, may we carry the lessons:
Life's preciousness and the importance of the connections between us, no matter how small.

www.stateofmindcounselling.co.uk

05/03/2024

08/02/2024

We know adults want to help when we struggle. But being told "don't worry, or it will be fine" often makes us feel invalidated.

What we really need is understanding that our intense emotions matter.
While adults mean well by trying to "fix" our feelings, we need them to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and not to unintentionally minimise what feels huge or assume our feelings.

For example, "I'm sorry that happened, what's on your mind? How are you feeling about what happened?"

We need adults to help us process confusing feelings shaping our still-developing identity, not just solutions.

There are a few reasons why small things can feel huge for teenagers:

Teen brains are still developing.

The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls planning, decision-making, and emotional regulation, is still developing during the teenage years. It does not finish developing until around 25 years old.

The parts that process emotions and social interactions are especially sensitive during adolescence. Small emotional events or social issues get amplified.

• Teens lack life experience and perspective.
Issues that may seem trivial to adults can feel massive for teens who are navigating new social dynamics and life challenges for the first time. They don't have the neural pathways (hindsight) yet to put things in perspective.

• Identity formation stage.
The teenage years are an important time for developing personal identity, values, and beliefs. Small things can feel like threats to a teen's emerging sense of self, making them loom large.

• Seeking independence.
As part of the biological maturation process, Teenagers are seeking greater autonomy from parents, but very much still need parental support. Small conflicts or rule enforcements can provoke strong emotional reactions as teens try to assert independence.

• Self-consciousness.
Many teens struggle with appearance, social standing, and fitting in. Subtle social cues or perceived judgments from others can be impactful when teens are self-conscious.

For teens the combination of neurological and physiological changes, lack of experience, evolving identity, and social sensitivity makes small events feel momentous for many going through the adolescent stage of life.

Their voice matters.

www.stateofmindcounselling.co.uk

04/02/2024

Many of us have a "black dog" that follows us around at times. This feeling of heaviness and despair can stem from difficult childhood experiences that shaped how we see ourselves and the world.

If you're struggling, know that you're not alone. With caring support, these old wounds can heal. Talk to trusted friends and family, or seek out a counselor.

There are many gentle ways to unpack the past and reframe negative self-talk.

Learn compassion for that hurting inner child inside you that has survived in the only way they knew how. Their resilience has got you here.

With support you can learn to make peace with the black dog, and come to embrace all aspects of yourself with kindness.

This is stateofmind therapy.

https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc?si=tTuTRRezfq3IBpx7

www.stateofmindcounselling.co.uk


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At its worst, depression can be a frightening, debilitating condition. Millions of people around the world live with depression. Many of these individuals an...

13/01/2024

Dating can be rough. Between the constant swiping, getting ghosted, and situationships that go nowhere, it's easy to start questioning yourself and take the lack of matches or fizzled connections as proof that we’re unlovable or not “enough”.

Maybe the first few dates go well but then they act distant out of nowhere. You start spiralling waiting by the phone, endlessly checking texts, obsessing over the next call - it's a familiar pattern for many.

The anxiety of desperately longing for some sign they are interested, that they want you, is exhausting. The highs and lows of interpreting every word and silence swirl into a storm of insecurity.

Days lost in the spiral of ruminating and analysing each interaction, playing detective about where you stand. The confusion sinks into self-blame as if you are responsible for the emotional turmoil. It permeates everything, draining energy and hijacking any chance you have for peace or presence.

Then we bend and shift ourselves into a version of ourselves that they might love in the hope that they might stay becomes impossible to maintain.

You find yourself so desperate for their approval, you ultimately overlook the fact that you weren’t sold on them initially anyway, and you eventually lower your expectations and deny the red flags to the point that…something becomes better than nothing.

This rejection can activate layers of hurt from early childhood or previous relationships and can validate the nagging inner voice saying "you're too much" or "you're not enough".

But no one deserves to repeatedly endure anything that undermines their sense of stability, dignity or self-compassion.

If you recognise parts of yourself in this struggle, know that longing for mutual love and acceptance is a natural reaction wired into our brains from infancy, woven into our DNA, no less than our need for food and water. It’s why we go to such extremes to maintain it, or attain it.

That sinking feeling in your body is a when we reach out to connect and get met with indifference or criticism, it creates a pattern in the brain's wiring that says "I must be unlovable." Our heart literally aches. This makes us afraid to open up again, thinking we'll just get rejected.

The good news is, talking to a therapist, telling your story will pinpoint why certain dynamics and patterns play out. Through this process, the brain can reshape those patterns.

Science shows that experiencing real empathy, unconditional acceptance, in a way that validates and supports our experience from a therapist "primes" our nervous system to expect acceptance, not rejection.

In therapy this is repeated often enough, so that you can intentionally bring to mind memories of feeling validated, important and seen, that produces calming chemicals that ease anxiety and calm fears. As we rewire past hurts with new acceptance, we heal feeling unlovable.

We can’t heal from the things that we don’t talk about.

Can you recall moments when you questioned your lovability? Or times when you felt truly accepted just as you are? I'd love to hear in the comments.

www.stateofmindcounselling.co.uk

09/01/2024

We all feel lonely sometimes, even with people around. Loneliness can come not just from being physically alone. It can also happen if we feel we can't share our true thoughts, feelings, or beliefs safely.

When we feel we need to hide parts of ourselves to stay safe, to please others, or avoid rejection, or to even gain attention, we lose our inner connection.

Starting in our early years, and over time, this puts up walls inside that can stop us from having close relationships.

We start to feel unknown, invisible or misunderstood. It is not something that we consciously choose to do either. It’s how we learned to survive.

Learning to feel safe and accepted for who we are helps us feel able to share our truth - our dreams, fears, opinions, and feelings.

Easier said than done though…
The fear or risk we take in trusting someone can feel overwhelming and out of reach, even when it’s our deepest longing.

The key is to take it step-by-step rather than expecting yourself to be able openly share your deepest truths overnight.
Building trust and testing the waters with the right kind of counsellor can be crucial to this.

With practice, self-disclosure can get easier and more rewarding.
As you build confidence, you can feel able to take chances sharing more openly and authentically with supportive people.

This is the therapeutic relationship between you and the right counsellor.…This is therapy

www.stateofmindcounselling.co.uk