27/01/2026
Working closely with women, I see this pattern repeatedly. The ones who seek therapy, support, reflection, and healing are rarely the problem. They are often the most self aware, the most empathetic, and the most willing to take responsibility for their inner world.
Through processing trauma, they begin to reclaim their lives learning boundaries, emotional regulation, self worth, and how to prioritise inner peace over survival mode. Their connection with Allah deepens because healing creates space for sincerity, trust.. tawwakul.
And yet, there’s a painful irony. The individuals who most need therapy.. the controlling, the emotionally abusive, the ones driven by ego rather than accountability are often the least likely to seek it. They walk freely, unchecked, convinced they are fine, while the ones they harmed are left carrying the weight, doing the work, and paying the emotional price.
Pain itself is not the enemy. Pain is part of the human condition whether male or female. But suffering becomes prolonged when pain is silenced, minimised, or internalised. Suppressed emotions don’t just disappear.. they linger... settle into the body, the nervous system, and the heart and over time, this manifests as anxiety, burnout, physical illness, or soulful disconnection... yes, this affects us all, regardless of gender.
The real question is.. what do we do with the pain we carry? How do we deal with the metaphorical cheesecake? The most transformative answer I’ve found.. both personally and professionally.. is radical ownership. Not self blame. Not excusing any harm done by others. but Ownership.
Because while I may not be responsible for what happened to me, I am responsible for understanding naivety, why I stayed, why I tolerated, why I abandoned my own boundaries perhaps foolishly thinking of this as respect or even sabr.
Subhan'Allah the reflection is not punishment it is power. Ownership restores.... It shifts the mind from victimhood to clarity. It allows healing to move from the intellect into the body and the soul. And it opens the door to a more honest relationship with Allah the all knowing.. one rooted in truth, humility, and self growth.
Healing begins when pain is acknowledged, processed, and integrated.. not when it is buried. When trauma is met with compassion and accountability, pain no longer poisons us... it teaches us, frees us and gives clarity in dealing with recurring situations.
You deserve more than survival... you deserve peace.. you deserve safety.. both internally and externally. And you deserve a life where healing is not a weakness, but a strength and self growth, biithnillah.
Don’t keep carrying spoiled cheesecake... Unpack it. Feel it... Process it. Heal it by the Permission of Allah and choose a life anchored in clarity, truth, dignity, and sakeenah.
