15/09/2025
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1370292118433714&id=100063588157959
This is one of the practices this week in my 'Zen Life Challenge' Facebook group, but felt this one was so important I'd share it here for everyone to see.
If you're interested in the 'Zen Life Challenge' please message me - I offer two practices and also videos every now and then on mindfulness and how to become more aware and peaceful in your own life.
Here's the practice:
"Stop trying to control your life and other people's lives".
This is an important practice because your habit of controlling is FEAR and insecurity within YOU, but you're directing that out to the world to try and change it, and this never succeeds.
There will always be something new to control if you're in this mindset.
Consider all the advice you give yourself or other people. Where does this need to advise come from?
Often, what we see in others is a reflection of our own insecurity. If we see someone doing something that we don't approve of, or like, or want to get rid of, we offer a suggestion or bit of advice. to soothe that insecurity within us.
But this is just fuelling your own habit of fear and insecurity. People who judge and offer advice are often the most anxious because they're in a habit of seeing things in life and deeming them unsafe or wrong! How many things every day do you look at and go: "oh no, that's not right"?
You have to let things be. You have to let people do what they do. You have to learn acceptance, and trust. Trusting that people are on their journey, they're doing what they know is best for them.
Any interference on your part tends to cause dissent or distrust. You're planting seeds of doubt in a person's own viewpoint or belief to try and match your own. This is ego and insecurity.
This manipulation, however subtle, is a chance for us to look inward at ourselves, and challenge it. Why am I trying to control this moment? Why am I trying to change this moment to 'be better' or 'to be safer'?
Looking deeply, we discover our own worry and doubt in us, our own fear and insecurity in us.
So, instead of offering advice and trying to control something or someone (or even yourself from doing a habit you may not like about yourself), STOP.
Ask the question: is this control really needed, or am I just feeding my own anxiety?
Breathe, and come into the present moment. Just be! Allow feelings to rise up and be SEEN. Allow emotions such as fear and anxiety to rise up and be SEEN. Breathe some more. Nurture and tend to your feelings/emotions, and they will settle.
When you're open and loving, and not in fear, you know the best course of action for yourself and for others: often for others it's letting them be! It's letting them walk their journey, because they're doing it for a reason. They might gain huge insight after following their path for a while, however odd it may seem to you.
You have to let go of judging life, trying to make it perfect, trying to bend it to your will, and tend to your own feelings and emotions every moment. Every time you become aware of your own feelings and looking after them yourself, you're achieving peace and love! This becomes a habit if you do this daily. Mindfulness is the key to becoming aware of your feelings/emotions and to challenge your thoughts.
Then you discover you no longer need to offer advice or suggestions, or try to control anything. You are free of that burden of overthinking, of pondering other people's actions. You become peaceful, joyful and more LOVE than FEAR.
And LOVE is what the world actually needs.
Consider your friendships and relationships with people in this world. Whenever you've tried to control the friendship, change the relationship in order to fit into 'what you think is best', has it ever worked?
Chances are people leave you, or are more wary around you, or things fall apart, because your very need to control it causes fear in the other person too.
Practice non-attachment, letting go, letting be. Stop sending out your fear, and send out love instead.
Tend to your own feelings by being LOVE in each and every moment. Embrace everything as the divine plan and TRUST the universe!
That is the only thing you need to do for your own life and the world to change to a more loving one, filled with trust, understanding and compassion.
