27/01/2025
It all started last November sorry it’s taken me this long to write it …
I got up for work one morning made myself a coffee like always and came and sat in the garden. I then had this awful dreaded feeling come over me and started to feel really anxious .
I sat with it for a bit trying to work out why I suddenly felt like this. I got ready for work and went off and seemed to get through the day although the feeling never truly left me. I wasn’t in work the next day and I felt fine. The morning after that I was back in work again and again I started to get the same feelings of anxiety, fear and dread… I knew then it had something to do with work..
the next day I didn’t have work but found myself lying in bed all day and not feeling so good mentally. I felt drained. But I was finished work for the week so I could concentrate on getting myself better for the next week at work.. during that week Steve asked me a couple of times what was wrong and if I was feeling ok I lied and told him I was fine. I didn’t want to admit I might be falling again. The next week was Steve’s birthday week and I was supposed to be working three days, I went I on the Monday but called sick on the Tuesday I told Steve I had called in to spend his birthday with him, which was partially my reason.. maybe he would have believed me if I hadn’t spent half the day in bed. I went into work on the Wednesday and I had the same feelings in the morning but this time I had them all the way to work.. but I was fine when I got in.. on the Sunday I was due to go into work again but this time I was really I’ll I had diohrea and I ached all over I head was pounding and I felt like crap.. I rang into work, of which there response was “wtf”… I couldn’t believe it I messaged my manager who by the way had written this and he more or less told me he didn’t believe I was I’ll.. a few messages were sent back and forth none of which were very nice …. I couldn’t believe a manager would speak to me like this and with me already at a low ebb this just made it even worse.. I put in a complaint to his manager to which I have never had a reply.. I knew I couldn’t go back so I handed in my notice… I felt gutted I so wanted to be normal living the normal life but I can’t even hold a job down.. even if I wasn’t I’ll that day it was coming to an end. So I’m back feeling down and not feeling great about myself. I’m not doing anything.. although Morgan is still making me leave the house…
I started psycho therapy today I’ve been on the waiting list for 4 years.. so we’ll see how I get on with that..
Sorry for the long message but I wanted you to have the whole story xx
