13/04/2026
It’s been four weeks since I came out of hospital… and guess what? I’m still riding the manic rollercoaster 🎢 with no seatbelt and definitely no “off” button.
As you’ve probably gathered from my posts, sleep and I are no longer on speaking terms. Honestly, if sleep were a person, I’d have blocked it by now for ghosting me. The GP has given me something new to try though—Daridorexant 25mg. Never heard of it, can’t pronounce it properly, but at this point I’d try a lullaby, a warm milk, and a magic spell if it meant getting a few hours kip… so fingers crossed this one does the trick 🤞
My mood is still sky high. Like… “I could clean your house, your neighbour’s house, and probably reorganise your spice rack alphabetically for fun” kind of high. Seriously, if anyone needs any cleaning doing, I’m your woman 😃 I’m cleaning things that are already clean… then going back to check they’re still clean… and then giving them a little extra clean just in case they’ve thought about getting dirty again.
I don’t stop. I sit down and my brain goes “absolutely not, get up, there’s a cupboard somewhere that hasn’t been emotionally reorganised yet.” So now I’ve started on the garden… which seemed like a great idea at the time. Fast forward to me halfway through painting the shed thinking “why did I start this?” It’s turned into a full-on DIY drama 🤦♀️… me vs. the shed… the shed is currently winning.
The thing is, even though I sound all upbeat and productive, being constantly “on” is exhausting. My mood is elevated all the time and it’s actually wearing me out. It’s like being stuck in fast forward when your body just wants to press pause for a minute.
They started me on aripiprazole in hospital, but if it’s doing anything, it’s being very subtle about it… like… invisibly subtle.
And now the crisis team have discharged me, so it’s just me, myself, and my 101 cleaning supplies until I get an outpatient appointment… whenever that decides to show up.
So here I am… 6 in the morning… wide awake, fully charged like a Duracell bunny 🐰 Washing’s on, washing up’s done, I’ve already mentally redecorated three rooms… and now I’m staring at the hoover thinking “is it too early?” Probably. Apparently society frowns upon vacuuming at dawn… something about “other people sleeping”… rude.
That’s the problem really—there’s only so much I can do without waking the whole house up. Otherwise trust me, this place would be spotless, the garden finished, and I’d probably have started on the neighbour’s fence by now.
Anyway… if you’re awake too, welcome to the 6am club ☕💚💚
