07/12/2025
Islamic Boundaries?
We often hear the word ‘boundaries’ thrown around when speaking about mental wellbeing.
A person will quote boundaries as reasons for a whole host of reasons, such as when it comes to distance with in-laws, not engaging with friends and neighbours, not taking calls past a certain time, or even as reasons to avoid siblings and parents.
With the popularity of the Western Psychology model being on the rise, even amongst Muslims, it’s become common to adopt this framework.
One thing I’ve been reflecting upon alongside this rise in the use of ‘boundaries’ and how it is strongly tied with liberal autonomy, which finds its foundations built on placing the nafs (self) at the centre. Boundaries are therefore built upon what pleases the nafs and aligns with its likes and dislikes and its hawa (lowly desires).
But is this something that we as Muslims should be adopting?
As Muslims, we need to ensure that our boundaries are in agreement with the Quran and Sunnah, not with our hawa (lowly desires).
For example,
- if our boundaries tell us to shun our neighbour who is asking for help, then our boundaries are wrongly aligned because Islam emphasises the rights of the neighbour.
- If our boundaries tell us not to listen to the requests of our husband, then our boundaries are wrongly aligned because Islam highlights the rights of the husband and the importance of respect and obedience to him.
- If our boundaries tell us to ignore requests or orders from our parents, then our boundaries are wrongly aligned because Islam places Ihsan (excellence) and good treatment to parents after belief in one God.
Some beautiful verses which remind us to strive for excellence and to always do our best, within our means and ability, are the following from Surah Al-Insan-
Allah swt says-
وَيُطْعِمُونَ ٱلطَّعَامَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِۦ مِسْكِينًا وَيَتِيمًا وَأَسِيرًا
إِنَّمَا نُطْعِمُكُمْ لِوَجْهِ ٱللَّهِ لَا نُرِيدُ مِنكُمْ جَزَآءً وَلَا شُكُورًا
إِنَّا نَخَافُ مِن رَّبِّنَا يَوْمًا عَبُوسًا قَمْطَرِيرًا
“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive [saying], ‘We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.’” (Surah al-Insan, verses 8-10)
Some of the mufassirs mention that this verse was revealed in relation to Ali (Ra) and Fatima (ra) who gave their food, in spite of them being hungry and needing it for themselves. Western ‘boundaries’ would tell us why they didn’t keep the food for themselves. But we must wonder, had they kept the food for themselves, wouldn’t they just be acting on their lower nafs and what it desires? Isn’t this exactly what liberal autonomy dictates to us?
Thank God for the beautiful examples that the Quran and Sunnah and our pious predecessors provide for us. Teaching us to rise above our lower nafs and seek a higher plane - the pleasure of Allah, even if it was slightly uncomfortable for our lower nafs.
While striving for excellence in our boundaries, as Muslims, it is important for us to do what is within our means and ability and ensure we don’t do dhulm (oppression) to our own wellbeing.
May we strive to keep our boundaries in line with what pleases Allah and allows us to give others their rights.
In our Islamic counselling sessions at the Mehron Nisa Women’s Centre, we have been having discussions like this and more in our ‘Knowing Yourself’ series these last few weeks. Alhamdulillah.
