28/08/2020
Why do we have funerals?
No.1
“We, who mourned intensely and were close to the ‘dear departed’, will at times have been shocked to see how much he or she mattered to other people, people we never met before and probably never meet again.
“How his immediate colleagues were obviously grief stricken. How her students were hurting, hurting. We did not know that she meant so much to them.” From ‘Storymaking In Bereavement ‘ by Alida Gersie
A good funeral expands the story of someone’s life. It weaves together a strong biographical narrative and a colour pallet of feelings. The resulting tapestry lives on in the bereaved. It’s a source of comfort and inspiration in an unknown future.
A diligent celebrant will listen to family members at length about the person. They also will seek out school or college friends, associates of early adulthood, colleagues and club members.
Through this they weave a fuller picture. Everyone will learn something they didn’t know about the person at the funeral, will hear about how they inspired and influenced people, what a good friend and teacher they were.
The feelings of grief and love that come in the form of tributes, cards, letters, emails add to the fullness felt by the close family. Pride, poignancy, affection, laughter, tears form a vessel into which the grief can be poured and hope can grow.
This aspect of the funeral may have been missed in recent months as the numbers attending funerals have been limited.
A memorial ceremony could be a very valuable event in the future to allow the stories and the feelings to flow in the way they naturally would. It will honour and celebrate the life. It should also give people a chance to mourn, and to say the goodbye they were unable to say at the time of death.