Autability

23/05/2026

We are starting a new project which will work in partnership with Autability 😊 The Aligned Parent-Carer is a new venture about supporting you as parent-carers throughout your journey, navigating a system that drags you down and stops you being the parent you want to be. Give us a follow and you will start to see our new resources unfold!

Why did I start The Aligned Parent-Carer?

What does it mean to be aligned? It’s about making choices and taking actions that reflect the values you hold as a person. When your choices, actions and values are all working together, it feels like you’re moving forward and making progress in life. You’re acting in the way your highest and best self would and you’re choosing to be that way on purpose.

To be an aligned parent means your parenting style is in line with what you believe is right. You embody what your child needs, take your values and apply them in your parenting. Sometimes though, you find yourself stuck in a system not designed by you, and it forces a change you didn’t see coming.

You find yourself parenting and acting according to someone else’s values, whether that be an individual or organisation. When they don’t play fair, have different values to yours, or even worse no values at all, you find yourself sinking to their level just to survive. Just so your voice continues to be heard. Just so your child doesn’t get swallowed up by the system. You lose yourself to protect your child.

Sadly, so often this is what these organisations want. They want to destabilise you. They want to make you look overly emotional, volatile and untrustworthy. This removes your credibility as a well reasoned person. As a parent who acts from a place of calm and compassion, but also logic and knowledge. That balance between emotion and logic gets distorted, which removes credibility from your arguments.

I’ve recently managed to claw my way back to that state of balance (mostly- I’m far from perfect) following long battles with education, health and social care for my son. I wish that, for him, I could have stayed that way the whole way through fighting for his needs. Some days I did, some days I didn’t.

When I was able to take a step back, I saw so many of my mistakes. So many times I stepped out of alignment from my own values and beliefs, and how I move through this world as a parent-carer and person.

I created this page to help other parent-carers learn before it happens to them, or help them find a way back to who they really are. To stop us being dragged down by those who refuse to admit their mistakes, who justify corruption in these services and who put themselves before the most important thing in any of this. The child.

This page will lift you up when you fall, and understand you when no one else does. We will celebrate your wins and console your losses. This page will help you be the person you want to be and the person you really are before the system swallowed you whole and gave you no choice but to become a false version of yourself.

This page isn’t about how the system is under strain, and that too many people are trying to access it. It’s about supporting us all to fight for the correct level of support for our child based on accurate evidence which these systems should be automatically producing. The strain on the system is of course very real, but when your child has genuine needs that those in charge ignore for their own personal gain, that is not OK.

No organisation has ever reflected my own values back to me. Things like honesty and integrity have never been shown by anyone who supposedly is paid to support us as a family. Now more than ever I look to live each day in alignment with my values.

I hope this page lifts you up, catches you and carries you through when you need it to.

Danielle

20/05/2026

Make the most of these discounts!

20/05/2026

We need to make some space! Only while stocks last, including all our paperbacks!

12/05/2026

The psychological impact of “the fight” is huge. And it doesn’t end once the placement is finalised. Parents are continually manipulated to keep quiet about what they have seen and what they have evidence of, and made to feel like the enemy in the situation.

05/05/2026

The sudden ending to the tribunal process when you’ve had a difficult or traumatic experience is not always easy for parents, but there are things you can do to help yourself move on positively.

28/04/2026

And if you gain that trust and it’s get broken, that is even worse….

The fear of advocating for your child.

This is something I’ve been thinking about because I’m currently planning a series of webinars for parents and carers. As I’ve been putting them together, I’ve realised something that makes me uneasy.

A lot of the advice I share is reasonable. It’s grounded. It should, in theory, give parents the knowledge and confidence to challenge when something isn’t right.

But knowledge and confidence aren’t the whole story.

Advocating for your child also requires something else. It requires trust. Trust that the system will listen, trust that you won’t be labelled and frust that speaking up won’t make things worse.

And that’s where it often falls apart.

The system shouldn’t be a one-way street of ‘we do this, then you do that.’

It should be a process.

We try something.
You try something.
We come back together.
We reflect.
We adjust.
We keep going.

That’s what support is supposed to look like.

But for many families, it doesn’t feel like that at all.

Instead, there’s a quiet unease.

Parents tell me they feel like they’re being watched. Judged. Measured.

Like they are somehow part of the problem.

If only they were stricter.
If only they were more consistent.
If only they got their child into school on time.
If only they followed through with homework.
If only they were just… better.

And underlying all of that is this unspoken belief that a diagnosis, once written on a piece of paper, should fix things. That it should come with a clear plan, a clear path, a clear outcome.

But that’s not how real life works.

Children don’t change overnight because a report says they should.
Families don’t suddenly have more capacity because someone expects it.

So parents sit in this impossible space.

Knowing something isn’t right.
Knowing their child is struggling.
But feeling unsure whether they are ‘allowed’ to say it.

That’s the bit we don’t talk about enough.

Advocating isn’t just about knowing what to say.
It’s about feeling safe enough to say it.

And right now, too many families don’t feel safe.

That’s not a parenting problem.
That’s a system problem.

Emma
The Autistic SENCo
♾️

Photo: Me

27/04/2026

How to create a summer holiday structure that really helps

We may only be at the end of April but the summer holidays will be here before you know it!

Six weeks of summer can feel like a breath of fresh air… or six weeks of sensory overload, disrupted routines, and emotional exhaustion.

You’re not alone if you're already feeling the pressure. For many neurodivergent families, the sudden loss of school structure can throw the entire household into chaos. 😵‍💫 For others, it's a welcome break from the pressure of school. But just because your autistic/ADHD child is more chilled at home, doesn't mean they don't need a structure.

Structure doesn't have to be rigid. It doesn’t need a colour-coded chart or military precision. What it does need is rhythm. Predictability. A sense of “what’s coming next.”

Some easy ideas that don't require tonnes of work include:

• Choose a theme for each day — like “Messy Play Mondays” or “Walk & Talk Wednesdays” to help create rhythm without overwhelm.
• Use a weekly visual schedule (we’ve made a free one for you on our webiste!) to give your child clarity and comfort.
• Plan one small activity per day. That’s enough.
• Include regular “calm time”. This isn’t laziness, it’s regulation.
• Reflect on what worked last summer and don’t be afraid to repeat it. Familiar = safe.

Build a custom summer routine. One that works for your family, and not someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Head to our website for help and ideas! And check out our recommended reads for helping with long periods of unstructured time:

* Parenting Rewired — for rewriting the rules on parenting
* Autism and Anxiety — for support and understanding when emotions run high (for you and your child)
* Ultimate Teen Survival Guide - give your teen their own book on how to manage their free time, so you don’t have to.

Link to books in comments for free samples and more information ⬇️

Start thinking of one anchor activity that your child adores and makes them feel safe. For Kiddo, its baking cupcakes. He doesn't even eat them, but it makes a huge difference to his day if we spend half an hour baking them. He is more regulated, feels safer and communicates better as a result.

26/04/2026

Time to grab the ultimate teen survival guide…. See comments.

16/04/2026

Autistic communication during adolescence is frequently misunderstood. Teachers, peers, and even parents may interpret direct speech as rudeness, perceive blunt honesty as a social issue, or mistake difficulties with small talk for aloofness.

It is important for parents to recognise that communication differences are not deficits; autistic individuals often communicate effectively with others who share similar communication styles.

The objective is not to convince your teenager to conform to typical communication styles, but to support them in navigating diverse social environments while staying authentic and true to themselves.

Advocating for your teenager and helping those around them to understand their communication, rather than judge, you create the conditions for your teenager to connect with others.

11/04/2026

Anxiety and mental health issues in autistic and ADHD children/teens don’t always look the way people expect.

It’s not just “worry”.

It can be:
– Avoidance of everyday tasks
– Meltdowns or shutdowns
– Needing constant reassurance
– Seeming “fine” one minute and overwhelmed the next

What’s often happening underneath is a brain that is:
• Processing too much sensory information
• Struggling with uncertainty or unpredictability
• Interpreting situations as threatening when they are actually safe

If you don’t understand this, it’s very difficult to support it effectively.

On our **Autability Mental Health page**, you’ll find free, evidence-based information explaining:
✔️ How anxiety/mental health issues present in autistic and ADHD children
✔️ Why it happens (from a neurological and behavioural perspective)
✔️ What actually helps to reduce it

We’ve also included FREE samples from both of our popular anxiety books, so you can see exactly how we break this down in more detail:

📘 *Autism & Anxiety* – for parents supporting autistic children with anxiety
📗 *Autism & Anxiety: The Ultimate Teen Survival Guide* – written directly for autistic/ADHD teens to help them understand and manage their own anxiety

👉 Access everything here: https://www.autability.co.uk/mental-health

Clear information makes better decisions possible.

Learn about autism, ADHD and mental health. Read about why autistic and ADHD people can struggle with their mental health and how it affects their daily lives. Learn how therapies and treatments should be adapted for autistic and ADHD children and teenagers so they are effective in supporting recove...

03/04/2026

If your teen is saying things like:

“I can’t focus.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“I want to revise, I just CAN’T.”

then this post is for you.

Exam season can bring out a lot of anxiety, overwhelm and avoidance in autistic and ADHD young people.

And often, it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they’re already overloaded.

That’s why we created our **Easter Exam Stress Survival Bundle** — to give families practical support around:

* anxiety
* revision overwhelm
* burnout
* executive functioning
* focus and getting started

It’s currently **45% off for Easter weekend**, so if you’ve been looking for support, now is a really good time to grab it.

💛 Usually £36.46
💛 Now £19.99 until Monday

Link in comments 👇