Marianna B Mentorship

09/09/2025

A bid for connection is what Drs. John and Julie Gottman call any attempt or gesture to positively connect with a partner. A bid can be for the purpose of comfort, affection, attention, affirmation, humor, etc.
There are three ways we can respond to a bid:

1. Turning away: missing or ignoring a bid. This is when we don’t hear the bid, don’t recognize the bid, or ignore the bid. Repeated missed bids for connection create problems in relationships.

2. Turning against: rejecting a bid or responding in a negative way. This is another hurtful way to respond to a bid. It can send the message to the bidder that what they need is not important.

3. Turning towards: acknowledging or responding to a bid in a positive way. This doesn’t mean that we should drop everything and fulfill every bid that comes our way. It means that we can respond to a bid with kindness and send the message that the bidder’s needs matter.

Here’s an example:

Bid for affection: “Come cuddle with me.”

Turning away: *no response, ignore, or walk away*

Turning against: “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Turning towards: “I’m just finishing up what I’m doing, sweetheart, and then I’ll come cuddle with you. Give me about 5 minutes.” Or, “I’d love to cuddle with you, sweetheart, but now isn’t a good time for me. Can we make some time to do that after dinner?”

The Gottmans conducted a study with newlyweds and then followed up with them 6 years later. What they found was that the couples who were still together at the 6-year follow-up turned towards each other 86% of the time. Couples who had divorced turned towards each other 33% of the time.

Turning towards is key. 🔑

Bids also extend to other relationships as well. You can look for bids from family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc.

To read more about bids for connection, check out the blog.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

02/07/2025

Meeting your pain with compassion is a radical act of love.

24/04/2025

😂😂

He doesn't trigger your anxiety.
He doesn't make you guess.
He just shows up... Consistently.

Comes with:

✅Green flag - Safe and emotionally available (will protect your heart)

📚 Book - Because he reads, cares about self improvement, and has interests outside of surfing PH.

📆 Calendar: he PLANS DATES.

🔑 Keys - He's not afraid of commitment.

🦄 Unicorn horn: Because it's the rarest and most desired collectible

💐 Flowers: He's thoughtful and is addicted to seeing a smile plastered across your face

💬 "I'm not going anywhere" text: He won't love bomb you and then disappear. He's in it for the long haul.

06/03/2025

Wow ❤️ really stops you in your tracks.

If you feel this, I hear you friend ❤️

01/03/2025

Looks like an entire episode on the topic of boundaries & supporting ourselves in supporting our children. Hopefully some good tips to go with the truth bombs!

20/02/2025

Yup.

Why do the things that make us feel BETTER always feel so HARD to do?!?!

Help me.
…
For

13/10/2024

There is a time and place for all levels - are you aware which ones you’re using and when?

Listening skills are important for communicating and our relationships.

Ideas: The Coaching Manual by Julie Starr
Sketchnote:

18/09/2024

05/09/2024

In the past few decades, Americans have broadened their image of what constitutes a legitimate romantic relationship—but not the expectation that a monogamous romantic relationship is the planet around which all other relationships should orbit, Rhaina Cohen wrote in 2020. https://theatln.tc/vZYrBqFq
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Kami West had been dating her current boyfriend for a few weeks when she told him that he was outranked by her best friend, Kate Tillotson. Some would argue that West and Tillotson’s close relationship defies convention. “Our boyfriends, our significant others, and our husbands are supposed to be No. 1,” West told Cohen. “Our worlds are backward.“⁠
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By prioritizing a friendship, people such as West and Tillotson unsettle the norm, Cohen writes. “Friends of their kind sweep into territory typically reserved for romantic partners: They live in houses they purchased together, raise each other’s children, use joint credit cards, and hold medical and legal powers of attorney for each other. These friendships have many of the trappings of romantic relationships, minus the sex.“⁠
⁠
Despite these friendships’ intense devotion, there’s no clear category for them, and many of those who center a friendship find that their most significant relationship is incomprehensible to others. “But these friendships can be models for how we as a society might expand our conceptions of intimacy and care,” Cohen continues.

Read more: https://theatln.tc/vZYrBqFq
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🎨: Kirn Vintage Stock / Getty / Arsh Raziuddin / The Atlantic

03/09/2024

An absolute stunner of a human being with brilliant insights & advice.

Brené Brown is a best-selling writer, researcher, professor, social worker, podcast host, C.E.O., and consultant-guru to organizations including Pixar, Google, and the U.S. Special Forces. Her 2011 TEDx talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” is one of the top five TED talks of all time. In her work, Brown’s conclusions tend to surprise, then resonate, like a Zen koan: “When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun,” she says.

Read about why Brown has always felt like an outsider, even in her own family; how she differentiates herself from other best-selling gurus by reconciling the tangible (data) with the intangible (emotion); and how she built an empire around the concept of vulnerability: http://nyer.cm/saLw2pI