The Equilibrium Coach

15/09/2025

I saw this Bluey cartoon with Jack in the car, and honestly, it sums up ADHD from a child’s point of view so well.

Jack’s wriggling around, shaking his legs, distracted by a bird, forgetting his hat… and when his dad asks again, he says, “Oh no, I think I left it.” His sibling chips in with, “Why can’t you just sit still?” and Jack replies quietly, “I don’t know.” 💔

That’s so hard to watch because that’s it, isn’t it? Most children with ADHD/ADD don’t know why.

It’s not just about being “hyper.” For some children, the hyperactivity is on the inside; their mind is racing even if their body looks calm. For others it may show as big energy, fidgeting, blurting things out, interrupting, or acting before thinking (impulsivity).

ADHD can look like forgetting simple things (like the hat!), time blindness (always losing track of how long things take), speaking over people without meaning to, or big intense moods that swing quickly. Some experience feeling crushed by even small rejection (rejection sensitivity), with being told “you’re too much” or “not enough” – again and again.

Imagine being a child who’s corrected constantly. Finding it near impossible to sit still for hours in school , being told “Stop fidgeting” “Listen properly” “Why can’t you just…?” It chips away at confidence.

Siblings can feel it too – dealing with impulsivity, broken toys, interrupted conversations, or hugs that come too rough or too sudden.

For parents it’s exhausting some days. Constantly repeating themselves, managing meltdowns, highs and lows, other people’s expectations, judgements and unsolicited’advice’.

Children with ADHD aren’t being “naughty” – their brains are wired differently. Alongside the challenges, they often bring so much creativity, humour, empathy, and energy.

A few things that can help are:
• Timers and visual clocks for
• Breaking tasks into tiny steps
• Routines that keep things predictable
• Movement breaks (not everything has to be done sitting still!)
• Celebrating the wins, no matter how small

Therapy can help too. Not to “fix” the child, but to build self-esteem, give practical strategies, and help families find a rhythm that works for them.

14/09/2025

“Imagine being afraid of diversity, but not dictatorship.”

At the heart of it, fear of diversity is really fear of what we see on the outside — skin colour, different dress, different accents, different faiths. A fear that our own sense of normality might be discarded, undervalued, or erased.

Yet underneath the visual, we are more alike than many would like to admit. Every parent wants to protect their children; every family wants safety and the best possible outcome; every healthy human longs to be respected, to have their reality acknowledged. Within each of us is an inner child who only ever wanted to be loved, seen, heard, and safe. Not being the blueprint of ‘acceptable’, for some, threatens this reality.

Not fitting the “blueprint of acceptable” feels like a threat to some, and I truly understand where that fear comes from.

A few weeks ago, I saw a video that shook me to my core. A family fleeing war, new to the UK, were trapped in their hotel, filming from a window as marchers waved flags and shouted for them to “go back home.” You could hear the fear and terror in their voices as they feared for their safety, and the safety of their children.

This is what some call normal and “protecting peace.” Some may recognise this from other historical events such as N**i Germany, Apartheid South Africa, segregated America and more.

If your peace requires another family to live in fear, then it is not peace at all. It’s not strength either. It’s a projection of fear and perceived vulnerability onto others who are already vulnerable.

So let this be a reminder to those who march, and to those who stay silent thinking “I’m not racist”:

Diversity is not the danger. The danger is believing that cruelty is protection, and that hostility is normal.

When we lose sight of our shared humanity, we build walls; walls that soon enough shut us off from our own humanity, and even ability to truly love those closest to us.

13/09/2025

Now, those that know me know I love a good cartoon and I love a good metaphor even more.

So let’s take a look at this one 🙌🏾

Here we have a dog trapped in prison. He escapes his cell, runs across countries, hides in houses, locks every door, even swallows the key. He climbs mountains, dives into the deepest oceans… but no matter where he goes, the police dog — his shame, his guilt, his fear — is always there.

This is what shame and guilt feel like. It’s always there, waiting to be triggered, mirrored or projected onto others.

For many of us, the prison was built in childhood. Shame and guilt were given to us through experiences such as being told “you’re too much” or “you’re not enough”, being made responsible for keeping the peace at home, becoming the emotional moderator of parents, siblings or caregivers, trying to predict and soothe the turbulence of home life.

For some it was being punished for expressing needs or feelings, so instead, they learned to bury them deep inside. For too many, it was learning that love is conditional, so they learn to perform for it, and never expect it freely.

Those early experiences become the prison walls we lock our innerchild and selves within, with the police dog becoming our inner voice, our inner critic, the inner voice that whispers:
“You don’t deserve rest. You don’t deserve love. You don’t deserve joy. You don’t deserve freedom.”

As adults, we try to escape through overworking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, casual s*x, habitual relationships, or avoiding closeness. Yet, no matter how far we run, the shame and guilt catch up.

This is because healing doesn’t come from running. It begins when we finally turn to face the shame with compassion and curiosity, learning that we now have the power to put it down.

True freedom is reclaiming our worth, beyond the prison walls and standing firm in our worth.

So, what are you running from, and most importantly, are you ready to face it, stare it in the eye and free yourself from it?

Let’s talk. Come and find me on my website (link in my bio) and let’s arrange a free 15-minute therapy consultation.

You deserve peace.

Novena-Chanel, The Equilibrium Coach™️

10/05/2025

This lovely picture from Jamee Mae KysonGrowth has me thinking about growth, relationships, births (our personal growth) and the end of cycles (older versions of ourselves).

Growth can feel like both a celebration and a shedding as we evolve. Some people may drift away because they are no longer aligned with the version of us we are becoming, and some may resist our attempts to change and demand we remain within the familiar box they’ve placed us. Sometimes this is not through malice, but fear of loss, comfort, and yes, for some, loss of power and control.

However, as living Being, we are not meant to stay the same.

Some will walk with us through every version - attending our rebirth ‘ceremonies’ like proud Godparents, watching you come into your own. Be it a new career path, deeper learning about yourself, new experiences or new ways of living, they commit to learning the evolved version of who you are today, here and now.

Allow people to be present for a chapter, reason, season or a lifetime, by the way they embrace and react to your journey of births, endings and rebirths.

With that said, I am wishing you a weekend ahead that exceeds all expectations and embraces your growth.

Novena-Chanel xx

26/04/2025

We’re often quick to correct, but real change starts when a child feels seen, heard, and safe. Behaviour shifts when there's connection. Lead with empathy, not just discipline.
"Connection changes behaviour more than correction ever will."

More information in my book
Guidance from The Therapist Parent
Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and Amazon

25/04/2025

Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. 💗

22/04/2025

Ever feel like you’re about to overflow?

That’s your stress bucket talking.

This image shows how everyday worries, trauma, anxiety, and pressure slowly fill our internal bucket.
Left unchecked, it overflows, resulting in burnout, shutdown, or emotional overwhelm.

But here’s the key: We all have taps.

Taps release pressure and are coping tools many of us can employ to help de-stress and even regulate ourselves.

Taps are:

• Seeing friends
• Moving your body
• Laughing
• Eating well
• Music, creativity, stillness
• Rest. Real rest… without guilt.


The more we use our taps, the better we manage the water inside.

It’s not about having an empty bucket, we often need challenge to change, develop and grow, but it is necessary for us to have a healthy flow of what be are carrying.

In trauma-informed therapy and coaching, I help clients not only recognise what’s filling their bucket, but also learn to use their taps with intention.

Emotional regulation isn’t just for crisis, it’s an everyday act of self-awareness, self-preservation and self-compassion.

⸻

What’s filling your stress bucket right now and what’s one tap you can turn on today?

With that said, I am wishing you all a blessed and productive day ahead; one that exceeds your expectations and soothes your nervous system.

From Novena-Chanel.

_____

Who is Novena-Chanel?

I am a registered counsellor/ psychotherapist, a qualified life coach, clinical supervisor, Reiki master, yoga teacher, keynote speaker, and author.

I am also the founder of the Epigenetic Relational Therapy Academy™—a trauma-informed training provider, publishing house, and the official home of IERA-Therapy™ (Integrative Epigenetic Relational Therapy™).

Through my integrative and anti-oppressive approach, I support individuals, practitioners, and organisations to engage in deep healing, relational transformation, and embodied justice.

Find out more at www.theequilibriumcoach.com | Link in my bio.

29/03/2025

“Close the doors.” Three words that should never be weaponised in a sanctuary.

Church, like any place of worship, is meant to be a sanctuary. A place of safety, restoration and connection to the Divine (whatever religion or faith you are). As someone once beautifully told me: “The Church is like a hospital. People come in feeling broken, unwell, and needing healing.” There will be some who are at the start of their healing, and others who are further along, what matters is that it’s a place that does us no harm.

So when spiritual leaders begin using their position to coerce, guilt, or manipulate people into giving, especially under the guise of Divine instruction, it crosses sacred lines.

This isn’t about generosity or faith. It’s spiritual abuse and coercion.

Can you imagine sitting in a space where you’ve done for peace and instead hear “close the doors.” No one is leaving until a set amount is gathered. As if your spiritual safety, connection to God/Universe, your right to be in sacred community, is conditional?

$20 - short-time offer. Just for today.
$100 to stand beside me on the pulpit.

That doesn’t feel like faith. That feels like bullying.

From a therapeutic lens, these experiences can be deeply retraumatising, especially for those with histories of abuse, religious trauma, or financial vulnerability.

Let me be clear: I am not against giving or tithes. I am also not against honouring SAFE Leaders who lead with integrity, or supporting spiritual spaces financially. Just as we breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide for the trees to recycle, giving and reciprocity is best practiced with ease. Giving from the heart, not through being shamed, pressured or trapped within a building, is not kindness, love or in alignment with the sane God you teach knows every single hair on your head.

If you’ve ever been harmed in a faith space, I am so sorry. You deserved safety. You deserved truth. You deserved love.

Well done to whoever released this video for evidence that these things happen and survivors should be heated and believed.

So I end with this: “Let me never become a place where greed, evil or ‘the devil’ feels comfortable.”

19/03/2025

Trauma doesn’t just live in the past, it affects your body, emotions, relationships, and daily life, when we you are no longer in the same environment that traumatised you. However, healing is possible.

Here are 6 powerful tools to support trauma recovery:

💆🏽‍♀️ 1. Somatic Practices – Trauma is stored in the mind and body. Practices like breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindful movement (yoga, stretching, dance) help release the physical tension and build up within the body.

📝 2. Journaling for Self-Reflection – Writing helps process emotions, identify triggers, and track healing progress. Try prompts like “What does my body need today?” or “What emotions am I avoiding?”

🌿 3. Nervous System Regulation – Regulate your fight-or-flight response with deep belly breathing, cold water therapy, grounding exercises, and vagus nerve activation techniques.

🤝 4. Safe Relationships & Community – Healing happens in relationships. A strong support system (friends, family, or support groups) provides safety, validation, and encouragement.

🧘🏽‍♂️ 5. Mindfulness & Meditation – Strengthen self-awareness, reduce anxiety, and build resilience through guided meditations, body scans, or mindful walks in nature.

🛋️ 6. Therapy & Professional Support – Trauma-focused therapy (IERA-Therapy™, CBT and EMDR,) provides structured healing, helping you process experiences, manage triggers, and regain emotional balance.

✨ Healing is a deeply personal journey, not a one-size-fits all, final destination ‘event’. It’s the little breakthroughs, the ‘a-ha! Moments’, the regressions and progressions, that form the process of healing. Every small step counts.

💬 Which of these have helped you? Drop a comment! Let’s talk.

19/03/2025

16/03/2025

Training Your Brain for Positivity 💓🫶🏾

Thank you, , for sharing this lovely idea!

Our brains are wired to seek patterns and confirmation. When we intentionally focus on positive things, we engage in what neuroscience calls neuroplasticity - our brain’s ability to reshape itself based on our thoughts and experiences.

When you create a daily habit of recognising that “good things are always happening to me,” your brain starts actively searching for evidence to confirm it. Neurons that fire together wire together, strengthening neural pathways that make positivity your default mindset.

Try this: Let’s take a leaf from book and start a note in our phone titled ‘Good Things Are Always Happening to Me’, too. Every day, add at least one small win, joy, or positive moment. Over time, you’ll train your mind to notice and attract more goodness.

Absolute game changer.

Do you already do something like this? Let me know in the comments! 👇🏾💭