The Equilibrium Coach

10/05/2025

This lovely picture from Jamee Mae KysonGrowth has me thinking about growth, relationships, births (our personal growth) and the end of cycles (older versions of ourselves).

Growth can feel like both a celebration and a shedding as we evolve. Some people may drift away because they are no longer aligned with the version of us we are becoming, and some may resist our attempts to change and demand we remain within the familiar box they’ve placed us. Sometimes this is not through malice, but fear of loss, comfort, and yes, for some, loss of power and control.

However, as living Being, we are not meant to stay the same.

Some will walk with us through every version - attending our rebirth ‘ceremonies’ like proud Godparents, watching you come into your own. Be it a new career path, deeper learning about yourself, new experiences or new ways of living, they commit to learning the evolved version of who you are today, here and now.

Allow people to be present for a chapter, reason, season or a lifetime, by the way they embrace and react to your journey of births, endings and rebirths.

With that said, I am wishing you a weekend ahead that exceeds all expectations and embraces your growth.

Novena-Chanel xx

26/04/2025

We’re often quick to correct, but real change starts when a child feels seen, heard, and safe. Behaviour shifts when there's connection. Lead with empathy, not just discipline.
"Connection changes behaviour more than correction ever will."

More information in my book
Guidance from The Therapist Parent
Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and Amazon

25/04/2025

Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. 💗

22/04/2025

Ever feel like you’re about to overflow?

That’s your stress bucket talking.

This image shows how everyday worries, trauma, anxiety, and pressure slowly fill our internal bucket.
Left unchecked, it overflows, resulting in burnout, shutdown, or emotional overwhelm.

But here’s the key: We all have taps.

Taps release pressure and are coping tools many of us can employ to help de-stress and even regulate ourselves.

Taps are:

• Seeing friends
• Moving your body
• Laughing
• Eating well
• Music, creativity, stillness
• Rest. Real rest… without guilt.


The more we use our taps, the better we manage the water inside.

It’s not about having an empty bucket, we often need challenge to change, develop and grow, but it is necessary for us to have a healthy flow of what be are carrying.

In trauma-informed therapy and coaching, I help clients not only recognise what’s filling their bucket, but also learn to use their taps with intention.

Emotional regulation isn’t just for crisis, it’s an everyday act of self-awareness, self-preservation and self-compassion.

⸻

What’s filling your stress bucket right now and what’s one tap you can turn on today?

With that said, I am wishing you all a blessed and productive day ahead; one that exceeds your expectations and soothes your nervous system.

From Novena-Chanel.

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Who is Novena-Chanel?

I am a registered counsellor/ psychotherapist, a qualified life coach, clinical supervisor, Reiki master, yoga teacher, keynote speaker, and author.

I am also the founder of the Epigenetic Relational Therapy Academy™—a trauma-informed training provider, publishing house, and the official home of IERA-Therapy™ (Integrative Epigenetic Relational Therapy™).

Through my integrative and anti-oppressive approach, I support individuals, practitioners, and organisations to engage in deep healing, relational transformation, and embodied justice.

Find out more at www.theequilibriumcoach.com | Link in my bio.

29/03/2025

“Close the doors.” Three words that should never be weaponised in a sanctuary.

Church, like any place of worship, is meant to be a sanctuary. A place of safety, restoration and connection to the Divine (whatever religion or faith you are). As someone once beautifully told me: “The Church is like a hospital. People come in feeling broken, unwell, and needing healing.” There will be some who are at the start of their healing, and others who are further along, what matters is that it’s a place that does us no harm.

So when spiritual leaders begin using their position to coerce, guilt, or manipulate people into giving, especially under the guise of Divine instruction, it crosses sacred lines.

This isn’t about generosity or faith. It’s spiritual abuse and coercion.

Can you imagine sitting in a space where you’ve done for peace and instead hear “close the doors.” No one is leaving until a set amount is gathered. As if your spiritual safety, connection to God/Universe, your right to be in sacred community, is conditional?

$20 - short-time offer. Just for today.
$100 to stand beside me on the pulpit.

That doesn’t feel like faith. That feels like bullying.

From a therapeutic lens, these experiences can be deeply retraumatising, especially for those with histories of abuse, religious trauma, or financial vulnerability.

Let me be clear: I am not against giving or tithes. I am also not against honouring SAFE Leaders who lead with integrity, or supporting spiritual spaces financially. Just as we breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide for the trees to recycle, giving and reciprocity is best practiced with ease. Giving from the heart, not through being shamed, pressured or trapped within a building, is not kindness, love or in alignment with the sane God you teach knows every single hair on your head.

If you’ve ever been harmed in a faith space, I am so sorry. You deserved safety. You deserved truth. You deserved love.

Well done to whoever released this video for evidence that these things happen and survivors should be heated and believed.

So I end with this: “Let me never become a place where greed, evil or ‘the devil’ feels comfortable.”

19/03/2025

Trauma doesn’t just live in the past, it affects your body, emotions, relationships, and daily life, when we you are no longer in the same environment that traumatised you. However, healing is possible.

Here are 6 powerful tools to support trauma recovery:

💆🏽‍♀️ 1. Somatic Practices – Trauma is stored in the mind and body. Practices like breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindful movement (yoga, stretching, dance) help release the physical tension and build up within the body.

📝 2. Journaling for Self-Reflection – Writing helps process emotions, identify triggers, and track healing progress. Try prompts like “What does my body need today?” or “What emotions am I avoiding?”

🌿 3. Nervous System Regulation – Regulate your fight-or-flight response with deep belly breathing, cold water therapy, grounding exercises, and vagus nerve activation techniques.

🤝 4. Safe Relationships & Community – Healing happens in relationships. A strong support system (friends, family, or support groups) provides safety, validation, and encouragement.

🧘🏽‍♂️ 5. Mindfulness & Meditation – Strengthen self-awareness, reduce anxiety, and build resilience through guided meditations, body scans, or mindful walks in nature.

🛋️ 6. Therapy & Professional Support – Trauma-focused therapy (IERA-Therapy™, CBT and EMDR,) provides structured healing, helping you process experiences, manage triggers, and regain emotional balance.

✨ Healing is a deeply personal journey, not a one-size-fits all, final destination ‘event’. It’s the little breakthroughs, the ‘a-ha! Moments’, the regressions and progressions, that form the process of healing. Every small step counts.

💬 Which of these have helped you? Drop a comment! Let’s talk.

19/03/2025

16/03/2025

Training Your Brain for Positivity 💓🫶🏾

Thank you, , for sharing this lovely idea!

Our brains are wired to seek patterns and confirmation. When we intentionally focus on positive things, we engage in what neuroscience calls neuroplasticity - our brain’s ability to reshape itself based on our thoughts and experiences.

When you create a daily habit of recognising that “good things are always happening to me,” your brain starts actively searching for evidence to confirm it. Neurons that fire together wire together, strengthening neural pathways that make positivity your default mindset.

Try this: Let’s take a leaf from book and start a note in our phone titled ‘Good Things Are Always Happening to Me’, too. Every day, add at least one small win, joy, or positive moment. Over time, you’ll train your mind to notice and attract more goodness.

Absolute game changer.

Do you already do something like this? Let me know in the comments! 👇🏾💭

10/03/2025

It’s Monday morning & for some, the start of the week nerves are kicking in (if they didn’t start already on Sunday), about going into work. It maybe about the pending deadlines, the unnecessary meetings that really could have been an email (😩😄), or for some, the unhealthy working environment where communication feels like a constant power struggle & a game of dodgeball.

I hear many therapy & coaching clients speak of conversations where they are being manipulated, & just how exhausting, unsettling & stressful it can be! Often feeling pressured into taking on tasks & responsibilities they don’t have the capacity for, or that are outside of their job descriptions. The same applies to personal relationships with friends, family, partners & acquaintances.

So here’s one of the processes I teach them to detect what might be happening in the dynamic: FOG – Fear, Obligation, & Guilt.

Reflect on the situation - were you feeling pressured into doing something because you were made to feel:

• Afraid something bad will happen? (Fear)

• Like you owe someone? (Obligation)

• Guilty for saying no? (Guilt)

This is called FOG, a manipulation tactic used in personal, professional, & even online interactions. It clouds your judgment & makes you act out of emotional pressure rather than free choice.

Many people unknowingly use FOG in communication, sometimes out of their own anxieties, fear of rejection, or insecurities. However, it becomes problematic when it’s used consistently to coerce, pressure, or manipulate someone into compliance.

Here’s an example of how to deal with an ‘Obligation pull’:

Them: “I’ve done so much for you, you should help me.”

You: “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Right now, I have to prioritise my own responsibilities, but I’d be happy to discuss other ways I can support you in the future.”

The key is responding to FOG without losing your ground: Acknowledge their emotions but hold your boundary

Reflect before reacting - are you acting from fear, obligation, or guilt?

Use the Golden Bridge Technique to communicate assertively without escalating their defensiveness. An example is below in the comments section 👇🏾

07/03/2025

“Freedom” & “Discernment” - Let’s embrace our freedom in choices, & continually strive for Spiritual Discernment in our understanding, decision making & practice.

Those that know me know that I am more Spiritual, than religious (in practical understanding), although religion simply means to tie back to THE ONE. I therefore believe within all religions there is some truth, & then, perception of that truth.

The following passage is not about a specific religion, but a message of using your discernment when moving through this lifetime:

1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV) “I have the right to do anything,” you say - but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” - but not everything is constructive.

Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should. True freedom is not about doing whatever we please but about choosing what is good, what is edifying, & what brings growth. This verse reminds us to seek wisdom in our choices - not just what is permissible, but what is truly beneficial for ourselves & those around us. Let’s live with intention, choosing what builds us up rather than what simply indulges the moment. This way of being is enriched when this way of being, perceiving & actioning is grounding in Spiritual Discernment.

Spiritual Discernment is the ability to perceive, understand, & distinguish between what is true, right, & aligned with divine wisdom versus what is misleading, harmful, or not in alignment with spiritual truth. It is a deep, intuitive wisdom that goes beyond surface-level judgment, allowing one to see beyond appearances & into the heart of a situation, person, or decision.

Key Aspects of Spiritual Discernment:
1. Divine Guidance - It involves seeking wisdom from God, the Holy Spirit, or one’s higher self to make choices rooted in truth and righteousness.
2. Clarity & Understanding – Discernment helps distinguish between what is truly beneficial & what/who may seem good but is ultimately harmful or distracting.
3. Testing the Spirit - Evaluating teachings, influences, & decisions to see if they align with God’s will.
4. Wisdom vs Emotion - the use of wisdom over impulsivity & external pressure.
More the comments…

02/03/2025

A date-with-myself trip this evening to Southbank where I had the absolute privilege of listening to the awe-inspiring, deeply intelligent, and powerfully outspoken Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Hearing her speak was nothing short of inspiring - her presence, her words, her wisdom… just breathtaking.

She stayed at Southbank Centre all the way until closing time, signing over 500 books with such grace and generosity. It was an honour just to be there!

But what makes this moment even more special? My son, who has been learning about Chimamanda, now gets to know that his book - Imari’s Superpower Switch: The Power of You! - has been given to her. 💫 I even pulled out my dictionary to write a note in Igbo, one of our languages, which made it even more meaningful for us. Someone from our home State, a Disruptor, a Rebel 🙌🏾.

This for my children, will be such a beautiful reminder that whatever they put their minds to, as long as it is their path and within Divine timing, they will succeed 🙏🏾.

What a night. What an inspiration. Grateful beyond words. 🙏🏾💜❤️

I hope you too write your book. Start that podcast. Start that business. Ask that question. Start that journey.

27/02/2025

🚀✨ We’re #3 Most Gifted on Amazon! ✨🚀

Wow! Imari’s Superpower Switch: The Power of You! has just been ranked #3 Most Gifted in Children’s Books on Diet & Nutrition on Amazon! 🎉📖

A huge thank you to everyone who has purchased, gifted, and supported this journey! 💛 Your love and encouragement mean the world to us.

🌟 Exciting News! 🌟
As you saw from our last video, our little typer, Imari, was busy at work bringing this book to life! However, we’ve now made a slight revision to perfect the edition.

➡️ If you got one of the first edition copies, hold on tight! There’s a special surprise coming soon 🎁✨

New copies with the revised edition will be available from next week, so if you’re just about to grab yours, you’ll be getting the latest version! 💫

📢 We’d love to hear from you! If you have a copy, let us know what you think! And stay tuned for a fun “Spot the Difference” challenge! 🕵🏽‍♂️🔍

📚 Grab your copy now on Amazon (link in bio)!