31/07/2020
Chapter 1: Kinder Jungle 💥
I never really felt alive when I was a child. I would sit around the playground and look at the other seemingly similar children and wondered: What the …? What is it that keeps them so interested in the running around and the hula hooping. 💀
To be completely honest, I tried it once and failed miserably so I ran back behind my tree. I looked up and saw the clouds sifting through the branches, flying leaves falling all around me, almost like they were steering clear of me. I resented them. 🌳☁️😠
I hear the teacher yelling:
-Kiiids, come inside! Break is over!
With half an eye I look at her, she was so tall and gracious, all her jewellery twinkled in the shimmering rays of the sun. I hated her. I was not to be moved so I just stayed, eyes glued to the sky, hands in my pockets.
All the kids around me were running to the door, some were still laughing, some were huffing and puffing sadness. They all loved recess. I must admit, I loved it too. Most days. I can say I loved it more than I hated everything else.
In my own way I was running away by standing still; I can still hear her scream: Come on, you little... Now she was pulling on my hand, dragging me back into the classroom.
I deserved it, I said to myself. I was a bad child and this is what bad children get. Still, I smiled. 🙂
I was sat down, face at the wall, my arms up in the air, on my knees. Punishment for not listening.
"I was lucky, they said, your mom and dad would sit on corn kernels in the good old days. You should be more grateful, they said. " 🌽
"Eat all your food, there are children dying of hunger. You should be more grateful." 🤢
"Why do you dress like that, you look like you are homeless! You should be more grateful." 🧙
They said stuff like that, a lot.
That did not distress me. But what really got to me was coming in second. Always fu***ng second. That played around in my tiny lil brain and OOOOH I had a plan. 💪
I made a master plan that would resolve all my problems. If I just could solve this, if I just could become the first in everything I ever endeavoured then all my family will be happy and I will get what was missing from my life, mind you-me, I did not know what that was. I was 5. So my plan was: I would befriend the enemy! That would help me find out the secret ingredient to being number one and then I could steal it; I would make it mine and all that was before would be no more.
I could finally be Number UNO and life would be like the shows mum watched on tv, all sunny and never rainy, although we lived in a temperate climate zone. ⛈
I never really felt alive unless someone told me I was. 🧟♂️ Authenticity will always rule the plains of this mortal land and I had no grain of it residing in me. So I was on the mend to steal other people's lives. I didn't know consciously what I was doing but I was on a mission to become The Bad Guy and I felt ready for the task. 😈
