Kairos Life Counselling

01/06/2025

💎Reflecting on Leadership and Emotional Intelligence💎

I recently came across an insightful article about how leaders with high emotional intelligence use simple phrases to inspire their teams, (full article at the end of the page).

I remember a pivotal moment when my boss at a large international bank said “thank you Sheniz, I lose sleep over many things; your ability to bring this project together is not one of them.” This was during a tough and challenging period, I was feeling the weight of expectations. Hearing those words not only fostered a sense of responsibility but also ignited a deep sense of trust within me. It made me realise that my contributions were valued and appreciated.

This experience highlights the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership. The following phrases play crucial roles in creating a culture of trust, collaboration, and appreciation.

1. “I understand” - Acknowledging feelings and perspectives fosters connection. It shows team members that their emotions are valid and that you’re genuinely listening.

2. “Why” - Asking this question demonstrates curiosity and a willingness to understand the underlying issues. It encourages open dialogue and helps uncover solutions collaboratively.

3. “How can I help?” - This phrase conveys support and partnership. It signals that you are there to assist, empowering team members to leverage your resources and guidance.

4. “We” - Using inclusive language reinforces the idea that success is a collective effort. It builds camaraderie and a sense of shared ownership over projects and goals.

5. “Thank you” - Expressing gratitude not only boosts morale but also reinforces positive behaviour. It shows appreciation for hard work and commitment, motivating individuals to continue contributing their best.

By integrating these phrases into our leadership styles, we can cultivate an environment where team members feel valued, understood, and empowered.

Let’s strive to be leaders who uplift others, fostering a culture of trust and collaboration.

Together, we can create workplaces where everyone thrives!



Full article

While these words and phrases may seem like common sense, they are rarely practiced.

27/05/2025

The Vagus Nerve: Benefits and How to Reset It 😬 2 min read

Meet the vagus nerve, your body’s very own “Chatty Charlie.” This nerve connects your brain to key organs like the heart and gut, and plays a huge part in your mental health!

When it’s in tip-top shape, you’ll feel like a superhero. 🦸

Resetting it can bring a host of benefits, your body will thank you for!

Benefits of Resetting the Vagus Nerve

1. Improved Mood - Say goodbye to the blues! A happy vagus nerve means less anxiety and depression—hello, sunshine! ☀️

2. Better Stress Response - It’s like having a built-in stress bouncer. More relaxation, less freak-out mode. ☺️

3. Enhanced Digestion - Your tummy will be happier, and you might even stop sounding like a bloated balloon. 💩 🎈

4. Lower Inflammation - A calmer vagus means less inflammation—fewer “ouchies” for you! 🔥

5. Better Sleep Quality - Enjoy more restful nights and fewer “I just counted sheep for three hours” moments. 😴 💞

How to Reset the Vagus Nerve

1. Deep Breathing - Breathe in like you’re smelling fresh cookies, 🍪 and exhale like you’re blowing out birthday candles. 🎂

2. Meditation & Prayer - Spend some time in mindfulness or prayer. 🙏🏽 It’s like a spa day for your brain 🧠 —minus the cucumber slices.

3. Cold Exposure - Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower. 🚿 Just don’t scream like a banshee; the neighbors might get concerned!

4. Singing and Humming 🎶 - Belt out your favourite classics, a bit of Gloria Gaynor “I will survive” 🪩 or hum like a content bee. 🐝 Bonus points if you add some dance moves! 💃🏾

5. Healthy diet, regular exercise and wait the bonus …. Get a massage! - some boring bits with a nice relaxing bit at the end! 💞

By adding these practices to your life routine, you can give your vagus nerve a little TLC and boost your overall health.

So go ahead, reset that nerve and embrace your inner superhero! 🦸‍♀️🦸‍♂️

21/05/2025

🌟 Excited to Share! 🌟

I'm thrilled to announce that I have successfully completed a specialised course on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) as part of my ongoing commitment to professional development in counselling.

This course provided valuable insights into the complexities of PTSD, including effective therapeutic techniques and strategies to support individuals on their healing journey. Understanding trauma's impact is crucial in my role as a counsellor, and I am eager to apply this knowledge to better serve my clients.

Thank you to the instructors and fellow participants for an enriching experience! I look forward to continuing to grow in this field and making a positive difference in the lives of those affected by trauma.

03/04/2025

💞Understanding the 5 Love Languages 💞

Love ♥️ is a complex emotion, and expressing it can take many forms. Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the concept of the "5 Love Languages" to help people better understand how we all give and receive love. By identifying these languages, you can strengthen your relationships and improve communication. Here’s a brief overview of each love language:

🗣️ Words of Affirmation
This love language involves expressing affection through spoken or written words. Compliments, verbal encouragement, and kind notes can make a person feel truly valued. If someone you know thrives on words of affirmation, be sure to regularly express your appreciation and love.

✔️Acts of Service 👏
For those who resonate with this love language, actions speak louder than words. Doing something helpful, like cooking a meal or running errands, shows love and care. If your person values acts of service, consider how small gestures can make a big impact.

🎁 Receiving Gifts 💭
This love language focuses on the thoughtfulness behind gifts. It’s not about the monetary value but rather the sentiment. A small, meaningful gift can mean the world to someone who appreciates this language. Remembering special occasions and giving thoughtful surprises can strengthen your bond.

🎼Quality Time 📚
Quality time is all about undivided attention. Engaging in meaningful conversations or shared activities can deepen your connection. If your partner values this love language, prioritise spending time together without distractions, making each moment count.

🤗 Physical Touch 💅
For some, physical touch is the primary way to express and receive love. This can include hugs, kisses, or simple gestures like holding hands or for mothers whose daughter’s love language is touch, painting their nails is a winner!

💗 Conclusion
Understanding our own love language and that of your friends, family or work colleagues can enhance your relationships. It allows you to express love in a way that resonates deeply with each other. Consider discussing your love languages to foster better communication and connection.

27/03/2025

🌟 What an amazing morning I just had diving into Trauma-Informed Care techniques! 🤯 Huge shoutout to Matthias J. Barker for sharing such powerful insights!

One quote really stood out to me: “It’s not about dwelling in the past; it’s about realising your struggle is the past interrupting your future.” 💭

So many of us say we want to leave the past behind, yet often we find ourselves using unhealthy coping mechanisms—like alcohol, drugs, or even distractions like s*x and porn—to numb the pain. I totally get it; who wouldn’t want to escape hurt and pain?

But imagine this: What if you could actually remove that pain? What if the feelings driving those coping strategies were no longer a burden? Just think about where that could take you! 🚀

If you're curious about how this transformation might look for you, I’d love to chat! Reach out for a free 30-minute consultation, and let’s explore how therapy can support your journey to healing. 💬✨

03/02/2025

**The Power of Gratitude** 🌟

Did you know that practicing gratitude can have profound effects on our nervous system over time? 🙏✨

As I sit and wait for the next bus, j I’m missed the first and now I’m late for my next client. I thank God that if I had to miss the bus, this is the perfect location to wait.

When we regularly express gratitude, our brain releases neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which enhance our mood and promote feelings of well-being. These micro positive shifts can lead to long-term changes in how our nervous system responds to stress. 🤩☀️

30/01/2025

14/01/2025

Have you ever noticed how unresolved trauma can influence your intimate relationships?

As a counsellor and someone who has experienced trauma, I see this often in my clients and in me!

Our attachment styles—formed in childhood—play a significant role in how we connect with others.

Here’s a brief breakdown of the four main attachment styles in relationships:

1. Secure Attachment ❤️

• Characteristics: Comfortable with intimacy and independence. Able to communicate needs and feelings openly.

• In Relationships: Trusting, stable, and supportive. They can handle conflict constructively and maintain healthy boundaries.

2. Anxious Attachment 👀

• Characteristics: Crave closeness and intimacy but often fear abandonment. May have low self-esteem.

• In Relationships: Tend to be overly preoccupied with the relationship, seeking constant reassurance. They may become clingy or overly sensitive to their partner’s actions.

3. Avoidant Attachment 🙋🏻‍♀️

• Characteristics: Value independence and self-sufficiency, often at the expense of closeness. May have difficulty expressing feelings.

• In Relationships: Tend to keep partners at a distance, avoiding intimacy and emotional connection. They may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and prioritise personal space.

4. Disorganised Attachment 😍😫🥶💗🏃‍♀️

• Characteristics: A mix of anxious and avoidant traits, often stemming from trauma. May have a chaotic approach to relationships.

• In Relationships: Experience confusion and fear regarding intimacy. They may oscillate between seeking closeness and pushing partners away, leading to unstable dynamics.

Understanding your attachment style can help you identify patterns and work towards healing. Here are some steps to overcome trauma: 🩵

1. Self-Awareness: Learn about your attachment style. Knowing how it affects your behaviour can be the first step toward change.

2. Open Communication: Talk with your partner about your attachment style and how it influences your relationship. Honest conversations build trust and understanding.

3. Seek Professional Help: A therapist specialising in trauma can guide you through healing and help you develop healthier patterns.

4. Practice Vulnerability: Challenge yourself to be open and vulnerable, especially if you have an avoidant style. It’s okay to express your needs and fears.

5. Build Secure Connections: Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage secure attachments. Healthy relationships can foster growth and healing.
Remember, healing is a journey, and understanding your attachment style can lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections. Let’s support each other on this path! 💖✨

13/01/2025

In a world where relationships can sometimes become toxic, it's essential to prioritise your peace and set healthy boundaries. Remember, we are called to love others, but that doesn't mean we should compromise our well-being.

Just as we are encouraged to seek wisdom and discernment, it's important to recognise when a relationship is harmful.

Setting boundaries is not unkind; it's a way to protect your spirit and focus on what truly matters.

Surround yourself with those who uplift and encourage you in your journey. Seek connections that reflect love, joy, and peace.

Trust that by prioritising your peace and establishing healthy boundaries, you are honoring yourself and creating space for healthier relationships to flourish.