01/03/2026
Where Recovery Begins: On Belonging and the Ground Beneath Us
How vulnerability reveals where we belong
From the CoreLine Sunday Reflections series
There is a particular kind of stillness that follows surgery when the anaesthetic begins to fade. The body feels heavy and slightly unfamiliar, still finding its way back. Sound comes back before clarity does, and for a moment you find yourself present in the room but not yet fully assembled.
Moments of physical vulnerability reveal something that ordinary life easily conceals, which is how deeply we depend on belonging.
Belonging takes many forms. For some people it is family. For others it is chosen community, faith, friendship or creative work. Sometimes it is even a solitude that feels inhabited rather than empty. Yet when the body is unsettled and the ground beneath us has shifted, the mind often reaches instinctively for whatever has allowed us to belong before.
As my own mind began to gather itself in the recovery room, I knew something significant had happened. My heart had been worked on with precision and care, and I knew that I was safe. As the fog of anaesthetic lifted, a single thought came immediately and without effort.
My husband.
My son.
Where are they? I want to tell them I am alright. I want to be with them. I want to go home to the people with whom I belong.
Then the circle widened. I thought about my siblings, my wider family and my friends, the people who quietly hold our lives together in ways we often take for granted. None of this felt sentimental in that moment. It felt instinctive.
Alongside that instinct came something else. A quiet determination. I found myself thinking, quite simply, that I wanted to get better, that I wanted to heal well, and that I wanted to go home strong.
Suddenly those instincts had direction. They were moving toward them, toward home.
The pull of belonging did more than comfort me. It oriented my recovery, because what mattered in that moment was not simply survival but return.
As the hours passed another awareness began to settle in. Healing would not be mine alone. Recovery moves through relationships, appearing in conversations, in gestures of care, and in the quiet adjustments people make around you without ever announcing them.
Surgeons repair rhythm and muscle. They restore the electrical pathways that allow the heart to contract and release as it should. Yet recovery is never only biological. It is also shaped by whether the body senses that it belongs.
About fifteen years ago I immersed myself in research on post adoption attachment. I wanted to understand belonging not as a soft or sentimental idea but as something fundamental. I became interested in how belonging forms, what happens when it fractures, and what allows it to repair.
I asked my father whether there was a Punjabi word that captured the deeper meaning of belonging, not simply inclusion or affection but something more rooted.
He told me the word was apnapan.
The word comes from apna, meaning one’s own, and the suffix pan, which turns it into a state or quality. Together they describe the condition of being among one’s own. It is difficult to translate fully because it is not simply an emotion. It is the quiet knowledge that you are not a visitor, that you do not have to tighten or scan the room, because you are among your own.
Seen in that light, apnapan is more than warmth or affection. It is a form of human orientation that quietly tells us where we belong and where we can return.
Lying in that hospital bed, feeling the pull of my own belonging so clearly, I realised how much apnapan would shape my recovery in the days ahead. I knew where I would be returning. I knew who I would be returning to. And that knowledge quietly strengthened my resolve to recover.
It also made me think about how much harder recovery can be when that sense of belonging is uncertain.
In my work with neurodivergent young people and their families, and with people navigating trauma, addiction and other difficult chapters of life, I have often seen what happens when recovery is needed but the ground of belonging is fragile. Many of the people I have worked with were trying to find their way back from something difficult while also carrying the quiet experience of being othered, having been treated as problems to be managed, behaviours to be corrected, or differences to be explained away.
Over time this can leave a person feeling as though they are standing just outside where ordinary human belonging takes place.
Without that deeper sense of apnapan, recovery becomes harder to orient, because although determination and effort may still be present, the direction of return itself feels less certain.
Belonging rarely emerges through dramatic gestures. More often it grows through the small interactions of everyday life, through how people are spoken to, through whether difference is met with curiosity or suspicion, and through whether someone is understood before they are corrected. Over time these moments accumulate, shaping whether a person carries the quiet knowledge that they are among their own or continues to feel slightly outside the places where belonging lives.
And that difference becomes especially visible when vulnerability arrives.
When the body is weakened or unsettled, the human system instinctively searches for signs of safety and recognition, looking for the people and places that allow it to soften rather than brace.
In that sense recovery is rarely only about the body. It is also shaped by the human conditions that surround it, by the people who wait for us, the places that recognise us, and the relationships that allow us to feel that we are returning somewhere we belong.
When vulnerability strips away the noise of ordinary life, what remains is often very simple.
Human beings do not recover in isolation. We recover within relationships of belonging.
We heal more easily where we belong, and belonging itself often grows through the ways we quietly create it for one another.
Sometimes we become part of the ground that allows another person to recover, and at other times in our own lives we discover that someone else has quietly become that ground for us.
Among our own, we find our way back toward home.
As a Punjabi expression puts it, Jitthe apnapan hunda hai, othe dil tikda hai.
Where there is apnapan, the heart finds rest.
Heartfelt thanks to the remarkable team at the Royal Brompton. Heartfelt in every sense of the word. Truly brilliant in every way. The NHS at its very best.
CoreLine Rhythm: Core. Drift. Notice. Pause. Return.
Read more reflections on Substack:
https://gurjitharding.substack.com