28/04/2026
If you're feeling the pain of grief before losing your loved one, or struggling with the pian of your last days with your loved one, this may help you.
When grief comes before your loss
Anticipatory grief is something many people experience long before a death occurs, yet it’s rarely spoken about.
Our grief often begins when someone we love starts to decline, and it can remain with us long after they have gone. It’s the accumulation of emotions we feel when a parent who was once strong, supportive, and dependable becomes frail, confused, or unable to be the person they once were for us. Even as adults, that shift can feel deeply unsettling. Roles begin to reverse, and we find ourselves making decisions on behalf of someone who once guided us.
Over the years, in my work as a grief counsellor, I’ve sat with many people who felt guilty for the emotions that surfaced during this time: sadness, frustration, fear, anger, and a sense of loss before the loss. These feelings are far more common than people realise, and they are not a sign of failing or not caring enough. They are a natural response to witnessing someone you love suffer and become weaker.
I understand this both professionally and personally. In my own family, I’ve walked through anticipatory grief more than once — noticing the small losses that gradually become more devastating, and the quiet heartbreak of realising there is only one direction the situation can go.
Whether this period lasts weeks or stretches into years, many people find themselves living in a kind of survival mode. Everything seems to depend on staying strong: supporting others, making rational decisions, and ensuring the best care for a loved one who can no longer manage daily life. In order to keep going, we often suppress our own emotions and struggles, sometimes to the point of affecting our physical health.
It’s also more common than people admit to feel as though you can’t keep going like this forever — even to long for the situation to reach its natural end, despite the pain you know that will bring. This can create a deep sense of guilt, both at the time and long after a loved one has died.
If you’re feeling the weight of anticipatory grief now, please know there is nothing “wrong” with your emotions. You are grieving the loss of how things used to be, the loss of the relationship as it once was, and the loss of the future you hoped for. That grief is valid. It deserves space and gentleness.
You may also recognise that you went through this before your loved one died and are still carrying the emotional impact of that time. However long you’ve been feeling it, please be kind to yourself. The emotions associated with anticipatory grief are natural when we’re doing our best under enormous pressure, often while feeling exhausted.
I hope this is helpful to someone here. If you relate to any of this, I encourage you to talk with someone who will listen and understand — perhaps a trusted friend who has always been there for you. It can feel daunting at first, but finding a safe way to revisit your grief can support healing and improve your overall wellbeing.
Best wishes,
Yvonne.
Tel: 07726 465229
email: yvonne@daisyvision.co.uk
www.daisyvision.co.uk
