
04/07/2025
Been quiet, here’s why
I’ve been taking a Summer siesta from socials which wasn’t deliberate…
Midway through June I just wasn’t feeling great in myself. I kept being asked about my decision to retire and what I was going to do next.
It was much harder than I’d anticipated to answer the first question. It led to me wondering if I was doing the right thing and I then felt really confused. I also had no clue what to do next.
Basically I felt very unsure of myself so in order to cope I decided to run 1 mile a day, every day until things shifted.
Sounds bizarre but I figured that moving my body would take me forwards because I felt stuck in an awful limbo in which I was letting go of the thing I’d mastered and falling into a void.
So I drowned out the noise and the bombardment of the outside world that reaches through my phone. I took that time to sit and just be, as well as to run.
In some of the still moments I found myself writing poems to capture all of the emotions that I was feeling. I was also solo parenting so in the other moments I’d feel quite alone and just try to get comfortable with that instead of seeking solace from the company of others.
Each new day has been another mile ticked off and in that time I have truly started to feel a shift.
I believe that connecting to my body has taken me out of my mind. Moving my body is shifting what’s been stuck, and pumping fresh blood to the cells of my body that don’t get enough of my love and appreciation for all they do. Connecting to my body has given me back my power.
I’m feeling refreshed but aware that another wave of hormones will no doubt flood me in due course and I won’t know I’ve gone under until I start to surface BUT I’ve moved myself forwards and I feel better than I did. I feel I can trust myself again.
That’s deep for a Friday but life gets real when you face into it. We all scroll passively not knowing what we’ll see next and I want my account to reflect more than my shop window because life is messy.
With love & light,
Amy 🩵