19/08/2018
AS E DEY HOT
1. One aboki just called me. I told him that its wrong number. the aboki called me back to ask me if I knew the correct number.
2. So Because The Doctor Asked You To Change your Drinking Habit, you're Now Drinking Beer With Spoon? Continue.
3. I Pay 80k to sleep in Silverhotel and you say i should not unirate on the bed?? U well at all??.
4. I pay 20K Just for Rice, chicken and Wine and you say I should Not lick the Plate and take d empty wine bottle home?? U well ??
5. Being kissed does not mean you are been loved ask Jesus about Judas.
6. My neighbour is cooking jollof rice She's even frying plantain. Let me go and play with her children. I dont know why I love children so much.
7. Pls can someone snap #1000 recharge card and send it to me then I will snap #1000 naira note and send it to d person.. They don't have #1000 card in dis area. God bless you.
8. When you enter Heaven's gate and angels
start hailing u "bad badoo baddest"
Just be jogging to hell
9. He knows when your periods ends, but he doesn't know your birthday. my sister is your boyfriend a medical doctor
10. That ugly moment when your girlfriend throws you on the bed, trying to be s*xy, but you hit your head on the bedstead and die.
Hell fire straight
11. Corruption is when you fart and you still join others to look out for who farted. My brother God will judge you
12. We have 2 types of Sars. Sars on the beat & Sars wey dey beat.
12. Cha! Just because I borrowed a pen from a cashier and forgot to return it, I got home now and received a debit alert of #70. First
Bank! My God will fight for me o!
13. Can someone please deposit money into my First Bank Account. I want to know if my alert is still working
14. Hahaha. Orisirisi. I just saw Aboki doing Conductor at Obalende He dey shout "Obuualeyyyndey obuualeyyyndeh"
15. I have decided to be the DJ on my Wedding day. I dn't trust children of nowadays,dem fit play one corner & fall my Cake
16. Ur Mum or sister Will beg You To assist Unhooking Her "Bra", You'll Be Doing Like Snail , But When it's "Bae", You suddenly becomes
Fast And Furious part 8
Bros, Just tell me why ur hell fire will not have a suya stand??
17. You are renting a 1 room and you come here on Facebook and post stuff like; "Having breakfast in bed" like you have a choice
18. Nigerians be like, I want to buy Tin Tomatoes, the Sachet one
19. I saw a keke earlier today with an inscription "trust no lady". I have a feeling that, the guy once had a Range Rover
20. When girls run out of cosmetics the next thing they will update is..... "MAKE-UP FREE DAY, LOVING IT ALL NATURAL". And you think you are deceiving Me Abi? TGIM
The whahala is now wen you Tag me
"Feeling Like Dying with # Jef Thomas Ade, And
36 others.. Sister ,is your brain paining you??.
21. Am sure 99.9% of nigeria Adult doesn't knw dat nursery rhyme "sandalili sandalili" is actually
"standard living standard living"
i knw u are singing it now
That is why you are a Nigerian
22. Davido is worth 30billion and he bought 45million porsche for his chioma. That is 0.15% of his money.
Your boo is worth 20k (NYSC alowee) and you're asking 10k. Do you want to kill him? Why can't you ask for 0.15% of his 20k which is 30naira?
Wickedness will finish some girls in this country. Chaii!
23. Dear Guys!! *Treat your girlfriend like Toothbrush, don't let anyone touch or use it, only you and you alone. Keep it Clean and Safe. (I know the girls are Happy now)
Also don't forget to change it every 3 months
24. Why do chickens always run before having s*x?
25. ENGLISH STUDENTS only, What Iz the past tense of speed?
26. A husband who doesn't buy u clothes, bras, panties has no right to remove them
27. Nigeria mosquito's will not just suck blood and go they will sing there occultic song first
28. In Nigeria once ur 1000 note turns to 950 change forget it
Jesus said ''it is finished
29. Welcome To Nigeria, Where Iphones & Car Keys Cannot Enter Pocket, Purse & Handbags. "This Is Nigeria".
30. If u count d numba of beds sum girls hv slept on, it can fill 3 general hospitals in Lagos 😭
31. Nigeria will be empty if US government gives a one week free visa
32. SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YORUBA PEOPLE ARE SERVING THE god OF PEPPER. JUST WONDERING
33. I sent a love text message to a girl, she edits it and send it to another guy. What am I?
34. When you see pregnant woman
spitting. Just know the Baby has farted
35. When You Go With Your Girlfriend To Your Friend's House And The Dog Doesn't Bark At Her. Wisdom, my brother, i say wisdom!
36. One fact u don't know about me, do u know that its my father and mother that gave birth to me
37. I normally though that Dorchester was the best cigarette not until I tried Rambo mosquito coil
38. I was just wondering those who got married during d time of coin. How did de spray them?Were they stoning them with coins or how?
39. S*x Shouldn't last for more than 25 mins if she doesn't cm ,she can cm on her way home .Dont kill urself my brothers
40. Some ladies will be matching purses with clothes But cannot match babies to their real Daddies
41. 9ja girls will never apologize to you, instead they will just sleep naked by your side. You wee do the apologising yourself
42. Those of you that dress well and look good on Sunday but still go to church without your Bible, what's your purpose in life?
43. "Don't release inside me oo". Ladies swear that you've never said this to a guy
44. Girls use photoshop to look beautiful. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
45. Once upon a time , I taught wearing expensive cloths and gold was an achievement until I saw some pics of Bill Gate (my mentor ).
46. After all the forming, you are still using free_Facebook and you the claim money in the bank
47. Chioma cooked for Davido and he fell in love and buy her a Porsche car, you cooked for your boyfriend and he regain more energy and kill you on bed
48. I went to America last week and I saw some billionaires in Nigeria cutting grass there
49. All this girl's will be like to there boy friends, "I will show u ,u will c pepper for my hand" lolz abeg which boy never see pepper her raise up ur hand please
50. I saw an ashawo today singing u raise me up so I can stand on mounting, hmmm I wonder how the mounting will look like
51. Is only in Edo state (G.R.A) I stop a girl and she said,bros e no too cost just 12,000 per night
52. You they claim slay queen.,your meat fall for your restaurant you pick am chop
53. When you see cockroaches in your house it's a sign you have food. Cockroaches are like slay Queens, they hate poverty
54. I was busy deleting UGLY people from my list. Dats how I almost deleted Myself!
55. Girls will go and take photoshoot of #10,000 just post on facebook and have 50 likes..
If u have invested that money on hair, it would have been better. Robbish
56. Sitting next to your EX in the church is not a problem,the problem is when the pastor says tell your neighbour it's not over
57. During a fight when someone has almost killed you and you hear someone shouting *"Leave them to fight"
58. Just bcos your mum had counted all the Meat in the pot, you now use your mouth to slim fit the Meat OGA Tailor well done
59. You can turn you WAIST at the club but you can't turn EBA, are u not a stupid person with 4G network
60. Since i borrowed N500 from MTN last month they keep sending me message like "RECHARGE" with N200 and dial *395*6*0 # and win 5 houses in london.♞♞
They think i don't have sense
61. All these Nigerian movies self ehn. What is NEPA pole doing in d evil forest?
62. That very moment Genevieve Gabriel said. "I OWN A CANTEEN WHERE I SELL RESTAURANT" was wen I gave up on YORUBA people
63. "Ur woman may keep cheating on you but you're still special in her heart" if you still believe this nonsense. You are a p***y
64. Igbo guys advertising casket go be like. Oga buy these one. fiammmm 3secs ur mama don reach heaven
65. Welcome to Nigeria where your
waywardness is determined by your hairstyle Only boys on lowcut are responsible.
66. Those of u that never missed assembly in secondary school
Hope you're now working at the National Assembly?
67. U are not in trouble until on 5 years old boy said u the one dat always jump through there fence every time
68. Instead of learning how to cook, every girl is learning how to apply makeup. Don't worry sister, your mother-in-law is waiting for you.
69. It is only in Nollywood movies witches will appear somewhere and d first thing they do is to laugh, Please what's funny?
70. If You didn't go to atleast 3 different classroom to look for duster, just forget it, You never went to a Nigerian School.
71. Wickedness is when you read and you forgot to comment my bros and sis the thunder wey go fire you dey do pressup.....
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