Captain Tootys Biker Smiles page

27/10/2025

The Mad Monday Smile :
A road-wary old biker walks into a saloon to have a cold beer after a long, dusty ride. At the end of the bar, he sees a rather good-looking "lady of the evening". She smiles at him and asks if he's looking for a good time. Well, having been some time since his last snarlin' he accepts. After agreeing on a price, she escorts him up to her room and they start humpin'. After about 10 minutes of furious banging the old biker asks:
"So babe, how am I doin'?"
She replies: "You're doin' 3 "knots".
"3 knots?.... What's that mean?" replies the biker.
She said: "You're NOT hard, you're NOT in and you're NOT getting your money back!"
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Captain Tootys Chat page, every one with a love of 2, 3, or 4 wheels welcome

26/10/2025

The Sunday Moment of Religious Contemplation :
A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon.

The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off.

As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ..." and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?"

She poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all Mighty."

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to ..." and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?"

The wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ."

The Minister said "That's right, that's Right" and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to ..." and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?"

The wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off!”🤣🤪😜

25/10/2025

The Silly Saturday Smile, from here in SkegVegas :
I made my girlfriends' wishes come true by getting married in a castle. Although you wouldn't have thought it from her face as we were bouncing around.

24/10/2025

Rock night at Skegness pier tonight 🏴‍☠️😎🏴‍☠️

24/10/2025

The Freaky Friday Smile :
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the Casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.



She said…,"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude…."

with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled…,

"Come on Baby…, Mama needs new clothes!"



As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"

She hugged each of the Dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.



The Dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked…, "What did she roll?"

The other answered…,"I don't know ... I thought you were watching."



MORAL OF THE STORY:

Not all Irish are Drunks, not all Blondes are dumb ... but all Men ... are Men!

23/10/2025

The Thirsty Thursday Smile :
I actually do this
02080490090 have just cold called me:

They wanted to talk to me about my recent car accident, was I hurt they asked?

"Yes." I said. I got a lot of sympathy and then I was passed to another handler.

They took down all my details etc, (all false) and then asked about the accident.
I told them how my car was crushed between 2 Tesco lorries, how the fire fighters cut me out and the paramedics kept me alive while all this was going on. The 'blue light' special to Guys hospital in London as I was too injured to fly.

They asked how serious my injuries were, all the while they were hearing the cash registers ringing.

I then gravely told them how I lost my legs. Kerching! Tescos were going to get screwed.

I was then asked if there were any complications.

I explained I died a few days later and my funeral is next Thursday.

Apparently, I'm a time wasting 'Dickhead'.....😂😂
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Captain Tootys Chat page, every one with a love of 2, 3, or 4 wheels welcome

22/10/2025

Hot rides & hotter vibes. 🔥😎

22/10/2025

The Wacky Wednesday smile :
After a woman gave birth to her baby, the Doctor stood solemnly beside her bed. "There is something I must tell you about your baby." "What's wrong," the alarmed mother asked? "Your baby is a hermaphrodite." "What's that?" "It means your baby has both male and female parts." "Oh my God, that's wonderful!", the mother said, "You mean it has a p***s and a brain?"

21/10/2025

The loopy Tuesday smile :
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says. "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as aboard. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out with a big smile and hands the little
boy another five dollars.

The little boy says. "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies. "I know. That's from your grandma!" 😂

20/10/2025