Kay Westwood Psychotherapy

Kay Westwood Psychotherapy Bespoke Psychotherapy • Attachment • Trauma • Face to Face • Online

29/04/2025

Are you your own worst critic?

We all do it… we forget to give ourselves the same empathy we might give those around us.

But one thing that really holds us back from giving ourselves some credit or empathy, is focussing on our coping mechanisms instead of what led us to those behaviours.

“I’m so stupid for getting into another failed relationship”

“It’s my fault I’m not disciplined enough to make that diet work”

“I can’t hold down a job because I’m not good enough at anything”

“My house is too messy”

“I’m a rubbish friend”

The list is endless if we think about all the things we critique ourselves on.

But if we broke down each one of those hurdles - we would find attachment disorders, coping mechanisms, unfulfilment, trauma.

As humans we create a belief system from birth about who we are and what defines us. Often that belief system is influenced by negative experiences and affirmed by those around us.

To cope with the negative belief about ourselves we create coping strategies and we create patterns of behaviour which feel safe because they are familiar. (Often not safe at all- but the nervous system will always choose a familiar unsafety than a safe unknown).

Those things we hate about ourselves… usually a product of coping, surviving and familiarity.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself.

Figure out where the negative patterns started.

Get really knowledgable with your reasons why you are the way you are.

Hold yourself accountable but with empathy for how you got here.

Get uncomfortable in unfamiliar new patterns.

Like failure.. get comfortable with failure.

And keep going.

Until failure turns into the very steps you needed to take to get to where you’re meant to be.

28/04/2025

You can’t think your way out of trauma:

You’re not broken. Your brain is protecting you.

If you’ve ever wondered why you know better but can’t seem to do better, here’s the science:

Your brain is wired for survival — not success.
When you experience emotional pain, especially early in life, your brain creates “shortcuts” (neural pathways) to avoid future harm. These shortcuts show up as:
• Overthinking every decision
• Pushing people away when you want connection
• Staying “busy” to avoid uncomfortable emotions

Even when your logical mind knows what you should do, your survival brain (amygdala, limbic system) can override it in milliseconds — faster than conscious thought.

Therapy isn’t just “talking about your feelings.”
It’s about rewiring your brain — using tools like:
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
• Somatic Therapy (releasing stored trauma from the body)
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (building new neural pathways)

Healing isn’t about “trying harder.” It’s about working with your biology, not against it.

If you feel stuck, it’s not a lack of willpower.
It’s a nervous system asking for safety.

26/04/2025

What if I told you people pleasing is a trauma response?

Many of us were taught — not with words, but through experience — that love, safety, or acceptance was conditional.
Maybe you learned that to avoid conflict, punishment, rejection, or emotional abandonment, you had to minimize your needs, say “yes” even when you meant “no,” or make yourself smaller to keep others happy.

People-pleasing isn’t just “being nice” — it’s a survival strategy. It’s how your nervous system tried to keep you connected and safe in environments where authenticity wasn’t welcomed or safe.

Healing looks like:
• Reconnecting with your own needs and desires
• Setting boundaries without overwhelming guilt
• Letting go of the fear that being fully yourself will lead to abandonment

You’re not broken — your nervous system was doing exactly what it needed to do. And you get to choose differently now, with compassion for the version of you that was just trying to survive.

Have you noticed this in your own life?
Drop a “yes” in the comments if this resonates, or share your experience if you feel called.

25/04/2025

Not All Trauma Is Loud: Let’s Talk About the Subtle Wounds of Childhood

When people hear “childhood trauma,” they often think of the big, obvious events—abuse, neglect, loss. And yes, those are deeply impactful.

But trauma can also be quiet. It can look like:

• A parent who was physically present but emotionally unavailable

• Being praised for achievements but not comforted in sadness

• Feeling like you had to be the “easy” or “strong” one

• Not being allowed to express anger, fear, or vulnerability

• Always walking on eggshells to avoid conflict or disapproval

These experiences might not seem traumatic from the outside—but to a child, they can send powerful messages:
“My feelings aren’t safe.”
“I have to earn love.”
“I’m too much—or not enough.”

As adults, these messages can shape how we relate to ourselves and others:
• Struggling with emotional intimacy or trust

• People-pleasing or perfectionism

• Chronic self-doubt or inner criticism

• Avoiding conflict at all costs—or constantly bracing for it

• Feeling numb, anxious, or like you’re always in “survival mode”

This is relational trauma—and it’s real. Just because the wounds weren’t visible doesn’t mean they didn’t leave a mark.

The good news? With awareness, support, and often therapy, we can heal these patterns. We can learn that our emotions are valid. That connection can be safe. That we don’t have to perform to be loved.

Healing doesn’t mean blaming—it means understanding, and choosing something different.

Send this to someone who needs to explore this!

24/04/2025

Did you know… your nervous system isn’t just about stress and anxiety — it’s the foundation of how you experience the world?

Whether you feel safe, connected, overwhelmed, or shut down… that’s your nervous system talking.

Here’s a quick breakdown:
• Sympathetic state = fight or flight. You feel anxious, alert, maybe even angry.

• Dorsal vagal state = freeze or shutdown. You feel numb, disconnected, or hopeless.

• Ventral vagal state = calm and connected. You feel safe, grounded, open to others.

Your body shifts between these states all the time, often without you realizing it. It’s not about thinking your way out — it’s about learning to regulate your system.

Nervous system regulation = practices that help your body feel safe again: breathwork, movement, grounding, co-regulation (being with safe people), and rest.

Healing doesn’t start in the mind — it starts in the body.
Your nervous system is not broken. It’s doing what it learned to do to keep you safe.
But you can teach it new ways to feel peace.

23/04/2025

Let’s Talk About Attachment Styles—Where They Come From and Why They Matter

Ever wonder why you react the way you do in relationships—clingy, distant, constantly anxious, or super secure? A lot of it can be traced back to something called attachment theory.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth helped develop this theory in the 1970s through a study called the Strange Situation, observing how infants responded to separation and reunion with their caregivers. Her work identified 4 primary attachment styles—and they still help us understand adult relationships today.

Here’s a quick breakdown:

1. Secure Attachment
You’re comfortable with closeness and independence. You trust others and trust yourself. Conflict doesn’t feel like the end of the world.
(Formed when caregivers were consistently responsive and emotionally available.)

2. Anxious Attachment
You crave closeness but often fear rejection or abandonment. You might overthink texts or worry you’re “too much.”
(Often develops when caregiving was inconsistent—sometimes nurturing, sometimes not.)

3. Avoidant Attachment
You value independence to the point of avoiding intimacy. You may feel uncomfortable opening up or relying on others.
(Linked to caregivers who were emotionally distant or dismissive.)

4. Disorganized Attachment
You may feel stuck between wanting closeness and fearing it. Relationships can feel chaotic or unsafe.
(Often linked to trauma or unpredictable caregiving.)

The good news? Your attachment style isn’t a life sentence. With self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationships, it can change over time.

Understanding your attachment style isn’t about blaming—it’s about gaining insight and learning how to build safer, healthier connections.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

22/04/2025

Therapy Isn’t Just for Breakups—It’s for Building Better Relationships, Too

Relationships can be hard—even the healthiest ones. Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, therapy can be an incredible tool to help you navigate the ups, downs, and everything in between.

In therapy, you can explore:
• Communication styles (Are we really hearing each other?)
• Conflict patterns (Why do we keep having the same fight?)
• Attachment styles and how they shape connection
• Boundaries, trust, and emotional safety
• Healing from past relationship wounds—so they don’t show up in the present

And it’s not just for couples! Individual therapy can help you understand how your personal history impacts the way you love, argue, connect, and protect yourself.

Healthy relationships don’t just happen—they’re built. And therapy is one of the best tools we have to help strengthen that foundation.

What’s something you’ve learned about yourself through a relationship?

Change is healthy.Change is needed.Change is scary.But staying the same is also scary.Choose your scary.
21/04/2025

Change is healthy.
Change is needed.
Change is scary.
But staying the same is also scary.
Choose your scary.


In the history of this phrase, it has helped no one.
18/04/2025

In the history of this phrase, it has helped no one.

It’s ok to take 3-5 business days to reply to messages.
17/04/2025

It’s ok to take 3-5 business days to reply to messages.


16/04/2025

Do you know how to repair after you’ve been angry with your child? And why is this important?

As a parent myself I know all too well that It’s completely normal to feel anger at times, but how we respond can shape our child's emotional development. Repairing after an angry moment involves acknowledging our feelings, apologizing, and discussing what happened. This not only models healthy emotional regulation for our children but also reinforces the trust and bond in your relationship.

Why is this important? Children learn from our reactions. When we demonstrate how to handle conflict and express remorse, we teach them that it's okay to make mistakes and that relationships can be mended. This fosters resilience and emotional intelligence, helping them navigate their own relationships in the future.

The expectation is that we are all humans who get angry at times, and children need us to role model how to effectively manage our anger so they don’t grow up thinking anger is bad, or that they aren’t allowed to be angry.

We can’t protect them from other people’s emotions all the time or their own, but we can give them tools on how to process and manage emotions and repair relationships after an angry moment.

❤️

11/04/2025

🌟 Transform Your Life with One-to-One Psychotherapy! 🌟

Are you looking for support to navigate through difficult emotions and trauma? Whether you prefer online sessions or face-to-face meetings (depending on location), I am here to help you embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing.

In therapy, we will explore:

- Attachment styles from childhood
- Internal beliefs and thought processes
- Effective techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Psychodynamic therapy, and Person-Centered therapy

Together, we will work on processing challenging emotions linked to trauma, leading to a better sense of self and a clearer path forward.

🌈 Professional Support for Those Working with Children 🌈

I also specialize in therapeutic parenting training for professionals who support children with developmental trauma. This comprehensive training covers:

- Attachment theory
- Neurobiology and the nervous system
- Using PACE and Dyadic Developmental Practice (DDP)

Additionally, I offer reflective practice sessions for professional teams working with these children. In these sessions, we will:

- Unpack challenging behaviors
- Connect with the trauma experienced by children
- Develop effective behavior management strategies
- Provide a safe space for staff to offload personal challenges

Let's work together to create a nurturing environment for healing and growth! 💖✨

For more information and to connect, please contact me on kaykingfreelance@outlook.com

Address

Wallingford
Oxfordshire

Website

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/kay-king-2?_gl=1%2A1tnkmv1%2A_gcl_a

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