Total Focus Therapy

12/01/2026

It can feel disheartening when old patterns resurface. The familiar thoughts, reactions, or habits you thought you’d moved beyond.

But noticing them — really noticing them — is not a step backwards.

That pause of awareness is often the moment something new is forming. You’re no longer lost inside the pattern; you’re observing it with curiosity and compassion.

Change doesn’t always arrive as a dramatic breakthrough. More often, it begins quietly… with awareness.

Be gentle with yourself here.

This noticing matters more than you may realise.

If you would like help to recognise and break free from old patterns, reach out and message me for support.

www.totalfocustherapy.co.uk

09/12/2025

Facing Difficult Times — and Letting Yourself Be Supported

We all go through chapters that stretch us in ways we never expected. Times when we carry more than we should, stay strong for longer than is fair, or slip into the role of the helper because it feels safer than being the one who needs support.

I’ve learned (both personally and professionally) that people often get stuck in that helping role for one simple reason:
It’s familiar.
It gives us purpose.
And it protects us from the uncomfortable truth that we also have needs.

But here’s the thing: when we don’t ask for help, when we convince ourselves we’re “too much” or “a burden,” we unintentionally rob the people around us of the chance to step up for us. We deny them the opportunity to feel the empowerment, connection, and meaning that comes from supporting someone they care about.

And we deny ourselves the relief, clarity, and grounding that comes when we stop carrying everything alone.

Difficult times don’t just show us what hurts.
They show us what matters.
They show us where we’re still abandoning ourselves.
And they give us the chance to ask:
What do I need? What do I want? What would actually support me right now?

Because stepping out of the constant-helper role isn’t selfish — it’s honest.
It’s how we grow.
It’s how we heal.
And it’s how we learn to receive with the same compassion we offer others so freely.

You don’t have to do every hard thing alone.
Let someone hold part of the load with you. It might be exactly what you both need.

27/11/2025

It is so important to look after yourself and reset your nervous system.

Today, I did a meditation to help me centre and ground myself. I wish it was in the spot pictured below - what a beautiful photo! But it was at home, under a blanket, all warm and cosy.

What do you do that helps you rebalance?

17/11/2025

We often imagine harm as something intentional — driven by malice, anger, or a desire to wound — but many of the deepest hurts don’t come from cruelty at all.

They come from a lack of empathy.
A lack of understanding.
A lack of awareness about how our words and behaviours land.

People can cause harm simply by not seeing you…
not listening…
not recognising the weight you’re carrying.

And when you’ve been on the receiving end of that, it can leave you questioning your worth,
your needs, your right to take up space.

But the truth is:
their inability to understand you is not a reflection of your value. It’s a reflection of their capacity in that moment. Nothing more.

Healing begins when you stop taking their limitations personally and start honouring what you feel, what you need, and what you deserve.

If this resonates and you’d like support untangling the impacts of this, reach out. I'd love to help.

13/11/2025

Sometimes, the greatest shift we can make is in our perspective.

Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” we begin to wonder, “What have I learned or gained from this?”

It doesn’t mean what happened was okay.
It means you’re honouring your own growth —
seeing the strength, insight, or compassion that’s quietly taken root within you.

You might notice:
🌧️ From heartbreak — a deeper understanding of what love really means.
🌧️ From loss — a tenderness for what truly matters.
🌧️ From failure — the courage to begin again differently.
🌧️ From pain — the capacity to sit gently with the pain of others.

When you start to see the rainbow instead of the rain, thankfulness begins to grow naturally — not forced, but felt. And that quiet thankfulness can become one of the most healing forces in your life.

☀️ If this speaks to you, reach out — we can explore what your rainbow might look like.

08/11/2025

Sometimes being the strong one means you learned early that showing pain made things worse or it was dismissed and ignored, so you had no choice but to hide it. So you carried it instead — quietly, carefully — to protect others from what you were feeling.

But strength isn’t about carrying it all alone.
It’s about recognising when it’s too much —
and allowing yourself to matter, too.

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish.
It’s what stops the pain from swallowing you whole. It’s what lets you begin to heal.

Setting boundaries, saying no, letting others carry their own weight —
these are not acts of weakness,
they’re the quiet beginnings of freedom.

If you’re ready to start putting yourself first, I can help you find how.

26/10/2025

✨ Learning to Trust Your Own Inner Knowing ✨

At some point, we all have to make the shift from relying on everyone else’s opinions… to listening to our own.

But if you grew up with critical or controlling parents, this can be much harder. When you were young, you may have learned that love or safety depended on pleasing others — on getting it right in their eyes. Over time, that can make your own inner voice feel faint or unreliable.

Healing often means gently unlearning this pattern — noticing when you’re waiting for someone else’s approval, and slowly learning to trust your own sense of what’s right for you.

It’s not easy work, but it’s deeply freeing.
If you’re in this place and would like some support reconnecting with your inner wisdom, I’d love to help you explore that. 💛

📩 Send me a message if this speaks to you.

16/10/2025

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s okay. ☕🌿

Some people come to therapy wanting quick fixes or simple coping tools. And that’s totally fine. I love being able to support and nurture people on their journey.

But I’m also drawn to the deep work — exploring the parts of you that have been hidden, silenced, or forgotten. The younger parts, the protective parts, the ones that carry stories your mind might not even remember but your body still does.

In sessions, we might use talking therapy, drawing, sand play, or somatic tracking to help you listen to what those inner parts are really trying to say. It’s not always easy work, but it’s real, and it can be profoundly healing.

So no, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
But if you’re ready to get curious about all the parts of you — the tender, the messy, the brave, the unseen — maybe I’m yours. 💛

Oh - and yes - there is no actual tea, or anything else in this cup! It would have been green tea, which fits with the post too, as it may not be to everyone's liking.

09/10/2025

Lately I’ve been reminding myself how important it is to slow down and come back to myself when life feels chaotic. For me, that might mean stepping outside barefoot, taking a few deep breaths, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea and my thoughts.

I’m curious — what helps you come home to yourself when everything feels a bit too much?

Sometimes it’s the smallest things that help us find our centre again.

01/10/2025

🌱 Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

Anxiety often shows up the moment we even think about doing something different.
Your comfort zone feels safe, familiar, predictable.

But here’s the truth:
👉 If you stay there, life may feel smaller and smaller. Your world shrinks, your confidence decreases, and anxiety ends up controlling you instead of the other way round.

👉 If you step out, yes — it feels scary at first. But each step builds resilience, courage, and a sense of freedom. What once felt impossible becomes part of your new “normal.”

The choice isn’t about getting rid of anxiety completely. It’s about deciding:
✨ Will I let fear keep me stuck?
✨ Or will I carry it with me and grow into something more?

If you’re ready to start taking those steps — no matter how small — therapy can give you the tools and support to move forward.

💬 Send me a message if this resonates. You don’t have to take those first steps alone.

16/09/2025

08/09/2025

If you're thinking that therapy may be right for you but are worried about where do you start, don't let that stop you starting counselling sessions.

There is no right or wrong in what to start talking about and exploring. I believe that wherever you start, we'll get to exploring everything you would like to in time. It's all about trusting the process...and yourself.

Get in touch and start wherever feels right for you at the time.