Holden Therapy

Holden Therapy Integrative therapist, fully qualified and registered member of the BACP/ accredited member NCPS

Sometimes we treat our mistakes like evidence for the prosecution instead of information for growth. A bad decision, fai...
08/05/2026

Sometimes we treat our mistakes like evidence for the prosecution instead of information for growth.

A bad decision, failed relationship, emotional reaction, or wrong turn in life does not make you a bad person. It makes you human.

When we stay stuck in shame, the brain starts storing mistakes as identity: “I failed” becomes “I am a failure.”

That’s where depression often deepens. We stop learning from experiences and start using them to attack ourselves.

Therapy helps reframe mistakes as lessons, feedback, and sometimes redirection. Not every closed door is punishment. Some are protection. Some are pointing you toward healthier boundaries, better choices, or a version of you that no longer survives by self-criticism.

Being gentle with yourself is not “letting yourself off.” It’s creating the emotional safety needed to grow.

Embrace detours, adjust direction and keep moving forward....

Narcissistic abuse rarely starts with shouting, threats, or obvious control.Most of the time it starts with confusion.Yo...
07/05/2026

Narcissistic abuse rarely starts with shouting, threats, or obvious control.
Most of the time it starts with confusion.

You begin questioning:
your memory
your reactions
your needs
your worth
your reality

Common signs can include:
gaslighting
blame shifting
guilt trips
silent treatment
Love bombing followed by withdrawal
making you responsible for their emotions
constant criticism disguised as “help”
feeling anxious before speaking
feeling emotionally exhausted but unable to explain why

One of the biggest signs?
You slowly stop feeling like yourself.

Healthy relationships may have conflict, but they do not leave you constantly walking on eggshells, apologising for existing, or analysing a 3-word text like it’s a crime documentary.

Therapy can help rebuild trust in your own thoughts, emotions, boundaries, and identity after emotional abuse.

“Counselling for Toads” is a gentle, surprisingly relatable look at therapy—told through the story of Toad.After hitting...
05/05/2026

“Counselling for Toads” is a gentle, surprisingly relatable look at therapy—told through the story of Toad.

After hitting a low point, Toad begins counselling with Heron, and what unfolds is a simple but powerful exploration of emotions, patterns, and change. It draws on ideas from Transactional Analysis, but in a way that feels easy to follow rather than clinical.

What stands out is how human it feels.
Toad avoids things, blames others, feels stuck… then slowly starts to take responsibility, understand himself, and shift.

It’s not dramatic or complicated. It’s honest.

This book can be helpful if:
• You feel stuck in the same patterns and aren’t sure why
• You’re curious about therapy but don’t know what to expect
• You struggle with low mood, avoidance, or self-sabotage
• You want something reflective without it feeling heavy

It’s short, simple, and quietly insightful.

A good reminder that change doesn’t come from being told what to do—
it comes from understanding yourself a little better, one step at a time.

Self-belief isn’t about thinking you’re amazing all the time, it’s about trusting yourself to have your own back.This us...
05/05/2026

Self-belief isn’t about thinking you’re amazing all the time, it’s about trusting yourself to have your own back.

This usually gets lost when you keep ignoring yourself, saying yes when you mean no, over-giving, putting everyone else first.

Do that enough, and your brain starts to think:
“Why would I trust me? I don’t even listen to me.”

That’s where internal structure and boundaries come in.

• Knowing what’s okay and what’s not
• Saying no without a full TED Talk explanation
• Following through on what you need, not only what others want

It sounds simple, but this is how self-trust is rebuilt.

Every time you back yourself, even in small ways, your brain starts to feel safer with you again.

Self-belief isn’t loud or perfect.
It’s quiet, steady, and built on: “I’ve got me.”

Shame has a quiet way of shaping how we see ourselves.It often sounds like:“I’m not good enough”“There’s something wrong...
05/05/2026

Shame has a quiet way of shaping how we see ourselves.

It often sounds like:
“I’m not good enough”
“There’s something wrong with me”
“If people really knew me, they’d reject me”

Over time, shame becomes less about what happened… and more about who we believe we are.

In therapy, challenging shame isn’t about forcing positive thinking.
It’s about gently questioning the meaning that’s been attached to past experiences.

• Exploring where those beliefs began
• Separating identity from behaviour or experiences
• Updating the emotional weight attached to memories
• Creating space for self-understanding rather than self-judgement

As shame begins to loosen, something shifts:

You speak to yourself with more fairness
You feel less exposed and more grounded
You stop hiding parts of yourself
You respond rather than react

Working through shame doesn’t change your past.
It changes the way your past lives inside you.

And that can change everything.

Grief is not one feeling. It’s layers.It can look like sadness, anger, relief, numbness, confusion, even moments of peac...
04/05/2026

Grief is not one feeling. It’s layers.

It can look like sadness, anger, relief, numbness, confusion, even moments of peace or laughter that feel out of place. It can move through your body in waves or sit quietly in the background. It can show up long after you thought you were “doing better,” or disappear when you expected it most.

There is no right way to grieve.

Grief is shaped by your relationship, your history, your nervous system, and what the loss means to you. That means your experience will never need to match anyone else’s. Comparing it often creates unnecessary shame or self-doubt.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I should be over this by now”
“Why am I reacting like this?”
“Other people have it worse”
“Something must be wrong with me”

— those thoughts are not facts. They are part of the pain trying to make sense of itself.

Grief is not a failure to cope. It’s a reflection of connection.

Therapy offers a space where grief doesn’t need to be rushed, explained away, or minimised. It allows you to:
• Understand the different emotions underneath the surface
• Process what the loss means on a deeper level
• Make sense of conflicting feelings without judgement
• Learn how to carry grief without it overwhelming your system

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on.”
It means finding a way to live alongside the loss without it defining every part of you.

Even when grief feels heavy, stuck, or endless — it is something that can be worked through, processed, and integrated.

You don’t have to carry it on your own.

Not everything that needs to heal is waiting for you to talk about it.Some experiences are stored below words —held in t...
01/05/2026

Not everything that needs to heal is waiting for you to talk about it.

Some experiences are stored below words —
held in the subcortical brain, in the nervous system, in the body’s memory.

That’s why you can know something logically…
and still feel it hasn’t shifted.

Brainspotting is built on a simple but often overlooked idea:

Where you look affects how you feel. 👀

There are specific eye positions — “brainspots”
that connect directly to where experiences are held in the brain and body.

You don’t analyse them.
You don’t force meaning onto them.

You notice where your gaze naturally lands…
and you stay there.

That’s where the work begins.

Because your system already knows what’s there.

When your attention and eye position align with that internal activation, the brain and body start processing in their own way —outside of conscious control.

It can feel subtle.
Unclear.
Sometimes uncomfortable.

But it’s not random.

It’s your nervous system doing what it’s designed to do, complete what was interrupted, release what was held, reorganise what felt stuck.

The role of therapy isn’t to lead that process.

It’s to hold the space steady enough for your system to trust itself to do it.

And when it does…
the shift often happens without needing to explain why.

Ever noticed how a maypole works?Each ribbon moves on its own path, sometimes crossing, sometimes twisting, sometimes pu...
01/05/2026

Ever noticed how a maypole works?

Each ribbon moves on its own path, sometimes crossing, sometimes twisting, sometimes pulling tight.

But when there’s awareness, rhythm, and intention… something meaningful begins to take shape.

Therapy can feel similar.

Your thoughts, emotions, and past experiences might feel tangled or overwhelming at times. But rather than cutting them off or pushing them away, the work is about gently weaving them together — understanding where they come from, how they connect, and what they need.

You are not the chaos of the ribbons.
You are the steady centre they move around.

Calm grows when what’s underneath is finally seen, heard, and processed—not ignored.
29/04/2026

Calm grows when what’s underneath is finally seen, heard, and processed—not ignored.

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Rochdale

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+447395530126

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