Paula Weninger Counselling and Psychotherapy

06/06/2022

Remember the last time you really felt connected with someone?
If not, how are you feeling?
A lack of connection makes me feel alone and isolated. It's not a very nice feeling. I'm a person who loves some alone time, but I also need to feel that I'm part of a community, a friendship group, a family, etc.
The moments of connectedness that are most memorable to me are those where I shared an emotion with the people I was with:

Crying with a friend over shared grief.
Laughing hysterically over something silly.
Sharing my fears and learning that I wasn't the only one.
Celebrating a win with an activism group.

The more of ourselves we put out there, the more we seem to get back.
It can be incredibly difficult to be vulnerable, but we can also be rewarded with deeper connections and a sense of belonging.

I know that being vulnerable isn't always an option, and many of us will have built up sky high defences in order to not ever feel vulnerable. For good reason.

An invitation for you to reflect on:
What makes me put up my defences?
Are my defences linked to my feeling of (un-)connectedness?
How vulnerable am I willing to be in order to connect on a deeper level?

Image description: Black writing on green background: Emotions connect us.

06/06/2022

Image description: white text on green background reading: "
The hardest people in the world to forgive are the people we once were."- Andrea Gibson
Does that ring true for you as well?
I'm doing my best to forgive people in my life who have treated me unfairly (my perception) by seeing where they were coming from (work in progress). I notice that I rarely extend the same grace towards myself and younger versions of myself. There is little understanding and even less kindness, but mostly resentment.
A feeling of shame that that version of me is still a part of me, disbelief that I could have been so stupid/embarrassing/naive/mean, whatever.
I'm currently working on listening to those parts, rather than dismissing them, and I'm working my way through accepting each and every one of them. It's a wonderful journey.
Which parts of versions of yourself do you find it hard to forgive?

Andrea Gibson is an amazing poet, check them out!

28/03/2022

A quote by writer Verena Stefan: "I wanted to experience everything, expose myself, let myself be shaped. Open to the point of self-abandonment, adaptable to the point of annihilation."

I really love this quote. It makes me think of all the times I've forced myself to be someone I wasn't, but who I thought would be more accepted. How often do we abandon our true selves and put on various different masks, shape ourselves according to what other people like.
And the more we do it, the closer we get to self-annihilation.

I'm striving more towards:
Open yet grounded, adaptable yet self-assured.

How do you go from looking towards others to shape yourself to looking inwards and being unashamedly and unapologetically yourself?

For me it is (it's an ongoing process):
* Learn which external messages I've internalised
* Heal parts of myself that feel wounded and rejected
* Practice self-care
* Try and connect by being vulnerable

What helps you?

05/10/2021

21/09/2021

Toxic Guilt

is when your reaction is

'I AM BAD'

rather than

'I did something bad'

What's the difference? In one instance you know you made a mistake, you feel guilty, you act on this feeling.

In the other instance you feel like you ARE the mistake. There is something wrong with you, you are unworthy, you are not good enough.

If you experience toxic guilt, you probably feel responsible for a lot of things, a lot of the time. Even when they are outside of your control.

You might feel like you're never good enough and fear rejection.

You become a people pleaser and neglect your own needs.

These feelings of shame/toxic guilt thrive in silence, so they don't want you to talk about them.

Sharing, connecting, opening up to a trusted friend/family member/therapist can help you understand and quieten that inner shaming voice and - most importantly - feel less alone with it!


Show quoted text

07/09/2021

"There is no inner man, man is in the world, and only in the world does he know himself."

- Maurice Merlau-Ponty

Think of your surroundings as a mirror of your self. Does the world seem inviting and joyous? Or does the world seem frightening and hostile? The world will seem different to you on different days, depending on how you feel within yourself. What's going on inside us largely determines how we see the world around us. 

This makes a lot of sense to me. If I'm having a bad day I will not see the colourful flowers in the park, but only the rubbish and broken glass lying around. If I'm having a good day I might ignore the latest headline about climate change and read the article about my favourite tv shows new season.

Being aware of what state you are in can be helpful in our interactions with others and to combat negative self talk:  

Is my partner really irritated with me or am I actually angry at myself?

Does my friend really want nothing to do with me or am I feeling vulnerable today?

Merleau-Ponty thought that in order to really understand ourselves, we need to pay close attention to how the world really appears to us. 

How does the world seem to you today?

24/08/2021

It's my first day back seeing clients after 2 weeks off and it feels good!
I hope you're having a good summer and are able to take breaks when needed.

19/08/2021

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I'm not living."
- Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

This one really hits home. If only I was more like [X], if only I had [Y's] talent, if only I looked like [Z], then I would have a better life. Chasing after someone else's life can be so painful. Especially when theirs looks so amazing and colourful (hello Instagram) and yours seems dull and painful in comparison.

A gentle reminder to not take what you see of other people's lives at face value, especially on social media. It's something I have to remind myself of regularly. Constant comparison with others makes accepting who you are and what you have so much more difficult. Our bones have done enough straining!

19/08/2021

Does this sound familiar to you?

"You find it difficult to say ‘No’. It feels selfish, so hide your feelings and wishes. Eventually, you begin to feel very disillusioned. You do such an impressive job of fitting in, that your friends or partner don’t even recognise that you are unhappy. To them, you are just that easy-going person who doesn’t need much to feel happy. So, ‘not much’ is exactly what they give you."

Do people describe you as approachable and reliable? Are you the first person that...