07/07/2025
There is so much pressure on us. We are constantly given messages about what’s important and acceptable, how we should look and act, what we should be doing, how to stay young, how to tell our stories. We forget the we need to focus on our courage, compassion and connection. I use a lot of compassionate focused therapy in sessions, it focuses on the need to balance our 3 systems.
🚗THE DRIVE SYSTEM (dopamine) is activating and can help us pursue our goals. This is about wanting, pursuing, achieving and consuming. When this system is overstimulated we can want more and more, feel over energised and our minds race. When is under stimulated we can experience a lack of motivation, loss of energy and desires.
🚩THE THREAT SYSTEM (adrenaline & cortisol) is driven by anger, anxiety and disgust and always scanning for threat. It can protect us and make us seek safety, so it activates and inhibits us. If we are self-critical and prone to experience shame this activates the threat system. Shame is an overwhelming and powerful feeling in the pit of your stomach. It makes you feel something is wrong with you and leaves you feeling exposed, that the flawed parts of yourself are revealed. The products of shame are fear, blame and disconnection.
🌅The RELAXED, CONTENT AND CONNECTED SYSTEM (serotonin & oxytocin) where we feel a sense of safety and peace. This state helps us regulate the other two so we are not always rushing out seeking things or running away from danger. We can play, explore and release chemicals associated with well-being. This helps us manage unpleasant feelings when we don’t get the job, pass the exam, or are late for something important.
😠😤😨HOW LIFE ACTIVATES THE THREAT SYSTEM
In life we seek and find things that we need to help us survive and grow as human beings. But if we don’t feel satisfied we will experience threat related emotions of anxiety and frustration. These feelings alter our direction, or make us give up. Our threat system overrides positive emotions. Sometimes when we are stressed it is difficult to engage our positive feelings as they are turned off or toned down.
You may not have learnt how to activate the soothing, contentment system. If you didn’t experience compassion as child it is hard to have feelings of love, kindness and warmth towards yourself. This is not fixed despite our biological system seeking care when in times of need. We can change how we think about ourselves and connect with other people. We can learn to rely on others.
🛣️THE ROUTE TO COMPASSION
Take time to self soothe incorporate all these qualities into the way you are with yourself. Imagining you have them is the first step towards uncovering them.
•You are a deeply compassionate person - able to think, act and feel compassionately.
•Your wisdom comes from your understanding of our minds and bodies. Much of what goes on inside is not our fault but the result of our evolution and experiences over which you had no control.
•Find strength to keep your head upright. Act assertively and confidently in a way that matches your idea of being strong. You are a person who understands their own difficulties and those of others in a non-judgmental way and has the confidence to be sensitive to distress and to tolerate suffering.
•Warmth and kindness - remember you are filled with warmth and gentleness. You do have these qualities, being affected by experiences and people around you may mean you have lost sight of them. Its easier blame ourselves as blaming others is too scary.
•Responsibility - the energy it takes to condemn or blame can be used to do the best you can to help yourself. So hold onto and grow your compassion and warmth towards yourself.
THINGS TO CONSIDER
🔴A few 'reducing red' threat tips: use grounding techniques, reduce the frequency of negative thoughts and work with defenses. Have awareness and acceptance of difficult thoughts and feelings. They are just one part of you, there is so much more to you.
🔵'Building blue'/drive: Track daily activities and mood to understand and pay attention to what’s helpful. Plan and schedule things that give you pleasure and are meaningful. Connect with people. Remember that anxiety and depression come from parts of our brain that are really trying to protect us from threat by getting us to avoid or isolate. It can be the opposite of what we need. We cannot wait on the brain to give us the motivation to get out there and do things.
🟢'Grow Green' / soothe by using breathing techniques, being mindful by focusing your awareness on the present moment while accepting feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgement. Use imagery as a tool it can very powerful, do things that you find soothing and connect with people. Caregiving and bonding encourage soothing and intentional moments of taking care of yourself.
Ask for help. We all need help. Its not a weakness its a strength and shows insight and resilience.
