Jo Foy Counselling, Sunbury-on-Thames (2025)

17/09/2024

I saw this poem today and it really resonated with me. It seemed to speak to not only my own experience of grief, but also of the grief I hear daily in my work with clients. Sometimes the grief is a death, sometimes a lost lover or friend, sometimes a pet, sometimes an estranged relationship with children or parents.

So often it’s this sense that the inner experience is so much more than anything that can be expressed externally that everyone shares to some degree.

So thank you Becky Hemsley.

____Quietly____

“I missed you quietly today. So quietly that no one noticed.

I missed you as I climbed out of bed and as I brushed my teeth; when I waited at the lights on the drive into work and as I heard the rain outside my window.

I missed you as I ordered lunch and as I kicked off my shoes when I got home; as I switched off the lights and climbed into bed for the night.

I missed you without tears or noise or fanfare.
But oh how I felt it.

I felt it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and at night. I felt it as I woke, as I waited, as I worked. I felt it at home, on the road, in the light, in the dark, in the rain.

I felt it in every one of those moments, each one sitting heavier and heavier as the weight of me missing you kept growing and growing.

Yes, I missed you so quietly today.

But I felt it so loudly.”

*************

Becky Hemsley 2024

‘Quietly’ is a newer poem

10/09/2024

On this please ask yourself a few questions.

Am I worried about anyone in my life? If so check in on them

Do I feel confident about talking about su***de? It’s ok if you dont, but I urge you to name it where you see signs. Talking about su***de is not a trigger to su***de and is often the catalyst to seeking help.

Do you know the organisations that can help? Please take a look at this register of helplines and support services.

https://www.zerosu***dealliance.com/support-services

Do you want some free training? I’ve attached a link to a great free resource

https://zsa.frank-cdn.uk/scorm/full-training-v2/story.html

Jo
X

27/12/2023

I’m not a believer in ‘resolutions’ but do like the natural opportunity for change that a new year can bring, and I also know that when I live my life with intention it gives me focus and direction.
This isn’t about abstinence and removal, or self judgement and punishment, but it is a way to gently change habits.
These are the questions I like to ask myself at junctions in my life and think that they work well for new years.
So grab a pen and paper, maybe a coffee or hot chocolate and give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to think about 2023 and 2024.
#2024

22/12/2023

Almost all of us are affected by grief at Christmas, whether it’s the 1st year without a loved one or the 20th.

Let’s take care of each other this year by supporting those who are perhaps feeling overwhelmed. There isn’t a playbook for grief at anytime and that’s certainly true around key dates like birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas. Just allow the feelings to come, and talk if you can. Don’t expect too much of yourself, and when you feel confused because you’re experiencing so many different emotions, just take a moment to be kind to yourself and know that it’s all totally OK.

Jo
X

21/12/2023

Christmas can be difficult for some because amongst other things, families can have pretty poor boundaries with each other. This can cause all sorts of tensions and may mean that we fall into old templates that were laid down in our childhoods.

I’m sure we can all recognise that around certain people we can be fine one minute and then suddenly we feel strong emotions. We return to old habits or rely on defence mechanisms that can hurt us. Maybe drinking or eating too much, turning up the perfectionism, people pleasing, lashing out at others, self-harm, or talking negatively to yourself to name a few.

Finding a way to handle those situations will help you make the most of your relationships this Christmas.

If you are choosing to spend time with others over the next few weeks, it might be worth having a think about how you will handle some situations, so that you can cherish your relationships into 2024.

Jo
X

07/04/2023

Self discovery and personal growth brings a life more authentically lived, which means less stress, pressure and blaming others, and more connection, personal responsibility and joy.

Jo
X

07/04/2023

Lots of our behaviours come from repeating patterns we learned when we were young.
When we’re adults and we recognise that, it frees us to make different choices. If that’s what we want.

Jo
X

07/03/2023

Perfectly describes all my favourite people. ❤️

07/03/2023

Sometimes, becoming parents is the thing that drives our curiosity about who we are.
I often hear, “Why do I feel such anger when little Jonny drops his food?”, or “I’m so snappy with little Jenny and I don’t know why”. Often, the answer lies in unresolved hurt from our own childhood. When we see our children do things that we would have been punished for, belittled for, or maybe shamed by, we get angry as it’s reminds us of that powerless/useless feeling we had as children. Those feeling can linger unrecognised in the unconscious for years until our own little people stir those very vulnerable emotions again.
Spending some time being compassionate towards ourselves can be all we need to be able to control our emotions with our children.
Of course, as with all these things, it’s easier said than done. Be kind to yourself.

Jo

07/03/2023

Sometimes, becoming parents is the thing that drives our curiosity about who we are.
I often hear, “Why do I feel such anger when little Jonny drops his food?”, or “I’m so snappy with little Jenny and I don’t know why”. Often, the answer lies in unresolved hurt from our own childhood. When we see our children do things that we would have been punished for, belittled for, or maybe shamed by, we get angry as it’s reminds us of that powerless/useless feeling we had as children. Those feeling can linger unrecognised in the unconscious for years until our own little people stir those very vulnerable emotions again.
Spending some time being compassionate towards ourselves can be all we need to be able to control our emotions with our children.
Of course, as with all these things, it’s easier said than done. Be kind to yourself.

Jo

Jo Foy Counselling

17/09/2024

10/09/2024

27/12/2023

22/12/2023

21/12/2023

07/04/2023

07/04/2023

07/03/2023

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07/03/2023

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