29/09/2025
Apologies, I have not posted much since the start of the summer holidays. Truth is Iām going through a lot of crap right now and I needed to rest. Iām not well with an auto immune disease attacking my joints, Iāve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and apparently itās very likely I also have endometriosis. The joy of being a woman.
The auto immune disease was truly enough to cope with alongside looking after Walt but over the summer my pain increased and has not really gone back to normal. As most of you know Iāve tried so hard this past 6months to get off steroids and I managed it! Woohoo. But the consultant is just trying to put me back on them now with everything Iāve got going on. I have never felt this exhausted in my life. I can sleep for hours and wake up drained - I never knew what fatigue meant until recently - itās more than tired itās not being able to keep your eyes open. Literally.
What with all that and getting Waltās peg fitted and learning how to be a nurse as well as a parent of autism has been a lot.
Most people who have a āwaltā with profound autism in their lives will tell you, how they lost friends along the way, no one understands so itās too hard, friendships come and go and itās this time know your life āyou will find who your real friends areā is a phrase I often hear from m**s at the school gates.
Donāt get me wrong I have these friends on the side , who have no idea what my life is truly like- they donāt mean badly or treat me badly but they do not understand my life at all. But honestly , people usually tell you - you need to go through a huge break up, a loss, a traumatic event, a disabled child a massive life change to really know who your real friends are.
I couldāve listed my real friends - I didnāt need any traumatic event or massive life change to know who would show up. These girls have known each other since school. 25 years of friendships to span a life time. Weāve lived through stupid boyfriends, school drama, nights out, sleepovers, moving away to uni or staying at home, getting jobs, losing jobs, baby loss, weddings, rainbow babies, miracle babies, insane country moves, massive moves to London and beyond, amazing jobs, terrible jobs, losing jobs, illness, and picking ourselves up again. The weather of life is wild, wet and windy and weāre only in our 30s but myself and these girls have been through it all. We have known each other the best part of our whole lives and nothing any of them could say would shock me. If one of them rang me in the night to say theyād killed someone Iād be there to hide the body.
Personally Iāve been through so much in the last 7 years since having Walt and figuring out autism , profound disability and my own illness has been seriously tough. Some of these girls have txt me every god damn day. Theyāve got their own dramas of life but theyāve always been on my team.
A lot of these wonder women have amazing jobs, kids, husbands and whirlwind lives and we donāt see each other half as much as we used too , yet nothing feels different when we do. I could still sit and chat for hours on end with any one of them.
Recently Iāve realised even more so that people donāt often get to keep friends from school let alone still trust them endlessly years and years later.
The memories I have about these girls are literally crazy. Everything from dancing in a bath tub in a nightclub, drawing diagrams in history because they had no idea what the teacher was going on about, supporting a few of them when theyāve done fancy dance or drama shows, more recently one of them wrote a play that was performed in Newcastle, one of them I used to leave school with on a Friday and religiously make cheese slice sandwiches before going out to hang about in bus stops, we all ordered Chinese to the bus stop once before right? I have raved the night away with them, one of them I have seen stop traffic to lean on a car bonnet and kiss a stranger meanwhile the rest of us are trying to stop traffic while pi***ng ourselves, celebrated hen doās, baby showers, I remember going to our schools induction at 11 years old and being made to dance to reach sclub 7. š two of them I speak to every single day without which I couldnāt live. One of them Iāve called bellend for most of her adult life just because her last name is bell and yet somehow she still loves me. I dyed my hair before ones wedding and it was legit yellow. I was the most glow up ever š„“ in the worst sense of the word š
Iāve been on endless Disney holidays with one of them who buggered off and lives in France, though I manage to see her at least twice a year itās not enough. One of them I walked to school with every single day and I was the worst, always late and my mam used to talk her ear off everyday but she never left me. Not once not ever. One of them is a breast feeding specialist and literally man handled me to show me what to do, one of them was there in my life at a school art trip with a full different school before we officially became friends and sheās worked so hard now sheās a big shot designer and I am SO proud of her my heart could burst. A few of them now have TWO kids and while I think they are insane I couldnāt be more amazed at you.
The memories of these people will last a life time but itās what they do now that Iāve had the ābig life changing eventā of Walt thrust into my life. They still include me, they give us space when we need it, they ask questions, they txt and support, even though I can never attend or when I do I spend most of the time not speaking to them and running after Walt. They have supported me through illness, through Walt and more recently my life turning upside down and inside out.
I appreciate them more than I can ever say. More than i can ever repay them. More than I can write here to make you understand the love I have for them.
They are family. My crazy family for which I will always have their back.
Friends do come and go but these bi***es are for life āļø