24/02/2026
Jeff is metaphorically on fire...
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“But they were doing the best they could!”
How many abused children have been silenced with that exact sentence? How many battered partners have heard the same excuse?
“Oh come on, give them a break, they were under a lot of stress.”
“They love you, deep down.”
“But you had a great childhood!”
“Just forgive and move on with your life.”
Sure, maybe they were wounded. Maybe they had trauma. Understanding that gives context. It may even bring compassion.
*But it does not erase the harm. It does not erase their actions.*
I fear that many so called “empaths” are actually afraid to challenge harmful behaviour. They think confrontation is unloving. So they stay soft, and harm continues.
When behaviour is continually excused and explained away, there is little reason for it to change, right? Patterns keep on repeating, and calling that “love” does not actually make it “loving” at all.
Premature forgiveness and misplaced compassion that ignores accountability can keep someone stuck in denial and avoidance for years. It protects their self-destructive patterns instead of challenging them.
Be careful that in your rush to be compassionate and “unconditionally loving” you are not enabling someone’s self-destruction and their continued harming of others.
I just don’t think it’s loving to “protect” someone from the consequences of their own behaviour.
- Jeff Foster
